From The Ashes
by Mr. Jengablock
Summary: yu yu hakusho: the dead girl remix. with all your favorites, digitally remastered! feat. an unusual coming-of-age story, revivification, and a healthy dose of fisticuffs. [f!yusuke]
1. guillotine

_"…and I will rise…"_

 **From The Ashes**

 _prologue, guillotine by yadi_

 **V**

"A-an _unexpected_ case, sir?"

Botan's voice caught on the surprise welling in her throat.

She didn't _stutter_. As a seasoned ferry girl of the Underworld, the _reikai_ , she had seen all that the eons had to offer; or, so she had thought. Standing in her master's chamber surrounded by his princely aura and the luxurious evidence of his great power, she had already been uneasy. However, now, she was decidedly off-balance.

The heavy sleeve of her kimono slid down to reveal a thin pale wrist as she brought her hand to her mouth. Botan stared at it, uncomprehending, until she realized she hadn't remembered to tuck the edge under her fingers to keep it in place. She really _was_ out of sorts.

Given the circumstances, however, she thought she couldn't possibly be faulted. _This_ was far beyond her expectations. Even her wildest imaginings could never dredge this up!

"That's right, Botan," the mighty Lord Koenma assured her, nodding sagely. Though he appeared to be only a toddler, she knew him as her god. He had been born in the distant mists of the past and would live long past her lifespan. One day, this harsh taskmaster would be the one to rule the Underworld in the place of his father, the revered Lord Enma.

Botan, born of the spirit world to serve him, could feel the pull of his power in her very soul. There were very few in the spirit world who dared question the authority of the royal family when their very existences called them into servitude.

"Apparently a young girl," the god-child continued, glancing over the papers littering his desk, "was killed _unexpectedly_ in your sector."

That word again. She almost flinched to hear it. To think that someone, a _child,_ could die and they would be unprepared! She couldn't begin to fathom how they would process such a soul. There was no place made for her in heaven or in hell. She hadn't been cleared for reincarnation. There hadn't been a hearing, or a soul weighing, or a judgment meeting! There was absolutely nothing to be done on such short notice!

 _Oh, how awful_ , Botan fretted, _the poor dear._ Unexpected cases were…rare. The odds of occurrence were astronomical. Botan had heard of one or two instances in the past, long before she was born, of souls whose destinies had been radically altered and whose deaths nearly tipped the balance of the worlds.

But these were incidents perpetrated by the supernatural! Never, _never_ a completely unexplained demise! A _car accident_! They should have been able to predict that, down to the last nanosecond!

Oh, _oh_ , one soul out of place and they would lose centuries, even _millennia_ of work. Careful calculations decades in the making would have to be thrown out! One pebble in the stream of time could irreversibly alter the world: changes would ripple outwards, every person the girl affected and every event they caused and everything they interacted with, on and on and on into infinity! They would have a madhouse on their hands!

The spirit world would completely lose track of the souls they were meant to guide! A human soul trapped in the spirit world for so long would begin to _decay_. In the living world, they could end up as malevolent spirits, or else so mixed up one couldn't tell that they had once been human at all!

How incredible, how _impossible,_ that one poor girl could have such a dramatic effect.

The only possible solution was to repair the rip before it could unravel the rest of the tapestry. They had to catch up with the ripples already begun, and they had to stop new ones from becoming.

She would have to be revived.

Botan shivered. The reversal of death was no easy feat. She had never conducted a spirit through the trials of revival; she wasn't even sure what they would entail.

Guidance would be necessary, certainly. Botan would be the girl's only instrument of salvation, her only confidante in a spiritual world she had been thrust into like a baby chick in a fox den.

For a moment, Botan doubted. It was so much on her shoulders…

Then, she steeled herself. She straightened her back and tucked her hands into her sleeves. She was no greenhorn ferry girl. Perhaps she'd never run this sort of operation before but she experienced and cool-headed. Of course she could do it.

Her wise god would not assign her a task he felt she could not complete.

"Go to this soul immediately," he ordered. "Explain the situation and make sure she understands. Return to me, together, and I will assign an ordeal to test this soul's worthiness."

Ah, how clever. There was no way to know the true depth of this soul if they had so badly misjudged it. Her master was no fool: there was much work that had to be put into repairing and readying the body for reentry, prepping the soul for reconnection, calibrating calculations, and the like.

Even gods could not perform _miracles_. This soul, should she prove to be evil, would be sent to oblivion, a problem literally erased from existence. It was the only other option if they were to set the worlds to rights again.

Botan clenched her fists, hidden in the folds of her garment. She would not allow that to happen. As with all souls, she would safely ferry this girl through hell and high water. It was what she was born to do and, moreover, it was what was _right_.

She would not fail.

She hid a face of stone with a bow, folding stiffly at the waist.

"Of course, Lord Koenma, I will go at once."

She left the grand office.

Hands still folded in her sleeves, she wove her way carefully through throngs of ogres and spirits rushing to and fro. Even now they were attempting to recalibrate their sensors and redo their calculations. They had to account for the changes that had already been made. It was her job to stop them before they got out of hand.

What sort of soul could have shifted the hands of destiny like this? The sands fell with the grace of free will, it was true, but any mathematician could tell you that there are only so many trajectories a single grain can have when one knows the starting point. The gods knew enough to calculate such things. They knew enough to prepare for the inevitable, however many "inevitables" there were.

This unusual child had somehow flipped the hour glass, toppling the mountain of sand that had been building for centuries.

Her future was so vague now. That child…it would be murky forever. It was almost selfish, Botan considered, returning her to a life in which she would have no fate at all. Not every string cut in her death could be retied. She would live a life filled with obstacles. And yet, everything was now uniquely hers, an experience they would al live as unknowingly as she did.

Botan wondered what image would appear in these shifting sands. In her soul, she knew it would be great.

A soft voice startled her from her musings.

"Leaving already, dear Botan?"

The ferry girl found that she had reached the gate, still staring down at her sleeves. She blushed and bowed.

"Oh my, please forgive me, Miss Ayame, I didn't see you there!"

Ayame was an elite among the ferry girls. She directed the eastern effort. She was far older than Botan, and perhaps even older than Koenma. (She had heard rumors that she played nursemaid to the lord during his first years!) She didn't perform the scurrying that the other ferry girls did. She coordinated their efforts in the east and ensured that everything ran smoothly.

Though she was tall, she was unobtrusive in every way. Demure, clad in a dark gray kimono with black hair done up in an elegant bun. She was soft in manner and speech with warm eyes and a gentle smile. She stood to the side of the opened gate, dwarfed by its enormity and its brilliant, bold, eternally new colors.

Yet Botan was trapped in the intensity of her presence. Ayame commanded respect without uttering a single command. It was humbling but inspiring. She was what Botan would live up to, the person she aspired to be.

She giggled nervously, realizing that she had not answered her senior's question. "Yes, yes, I've got an urgent new assignment! An incredible case has shown up!"

Ayame smiled a little wider. She reached into her sleeve and withdrew a small gray book. A guidebook. Botan's blush deepened. She felt rather silly, now. Ayame was the head ferry girl! Of course she knew about the case! She was probably the first to be consulted.

The book was much thinner than most of the guidebooks Botan usually handled. Though children's books were usually a little lighter, she wondered if it was the strange circumstances surrounding the death that made it so severely deficient.

"I didn't think there would be one!" Botan exclaimed.

She accepted it with two open hands.

"It was very last minute, I apologize," Ayame said, bowing slightly. "I'm afraid it's a skeleton read."

Botan hastened to bow herself. "No, no, that's quite alright! It's wonderful to not be flying in blind! I'm a little worried, what with how rare this case is!"

She bit her lip. Silly girl, running off at the mouth! Where'd her confidence run off to?

Ayame's smile brightened. "You'll do fine, my dear Botan. I wish you luck."

"Thank you, senior." Botan bowed deeply in gratitude.

The gates groaned, opening wider in anticipation of her departure. Botan stepped out of the palace, into the open air of the spirit world.

She conjured the oar of the ferry girls and took flight.

The Sanzu river stretched below her, endless and bending as time itself.

 **[I find it appropriate that the _ferry_ girls travel a _river_.]**


	2. wrecking ball

"…i made a fist and not a plan…"

 **From The Ashes**

 _one, wrecking ball by mother mother_

 **V**

 _"Urameshi Yusuke report to Takenaka's office._ Immediately _, Urameshi! Urameshi Yusuke! I repeat…"_

The school had been echoing with her name practically all morning, during the breaks between classes. The seat by the window, three seats down and one back from her own, had been vacant for the last nine days. The only reason she knew the tenth wasn't more of the same was the glimpse she'd had of long, black hair and an emerald green skirt in the courtyard before the bell. She hadn't gotten to confirm it—her attention was dragged away by some other student in need of her assistance.

But who else would wear a _green_ skirt instead of the regulation blue? It was practically her calling card.

Keiko wondered why they didn't walk to school together anymore. The Urameshi residence wasn't that far out of her way, and it _really_ would be much easier to ensure Yusuke's attendance if she was dragging her by the ear. Yet, Keiko found herself hesitating, unsure. She didn't know if Yusuke would welcome her presence, and worse yet, if she herself even wanted to see her every morning.

They'd been so close as kids, for reasons Keiko couldn't even begin to fathom. Yusuke stuck to her like a burr, caught in her skirt and her hair and digging into her skin. Before she even knew what had happened, that annoying troublemaker had become her closest friend. They did everything together, though neither cared for what the other liked.

She supposed they were a balancing act that had always been on the brink of collapse. She wondered why it took so long for the strain to shine through. When had she realized how painful it was to pull and pull and watch Yusuke stubbornly forge away in any other direction? They yanked each other back and forth. They couldn't get far without one dragging the other back.

 _"Miss Yukimura, it might be best for you to cut your ties with Urameshi. I appreciate your history but she's not really right for you right now. You have a bright future ahead of you._ "

The teachers said that like Yusuke didn't have a future at all. Worse, like she shouldn't even have a present. They just didn't understand it. Yusuke was _magnetic._ Keiko couldn't leave her alone, and she didn't even know why. Maybe it was part of her nature, wanting to take care of someone who was obviously hurting. Though she had seen gap-toothed grins and sly smiles, Keiko could only recall a handful of times Yusuke had ever seemed truly happy.

No one could blame her for wanting to heal her. Except Yusuke was a wild animal snapping at anyone who got too close.

No, that wasn't fair. Yusuke had good parts. Beautiful, wonderful things that she kept cloistered in her heart.

It was the promise of her light places that kept Keiko wading through shadows. Keiko _knew_ Yusuke. Those others didn't even bother to _see_ her.

"Yusuke!" Keiko called up the stairwell, because she wasn't actually interested in catching her doing something elicit. The fact that Yusuke smoked and talked about gambling in front of her was bad enough. Keiko was afraid that one day she was going to walk in on something truly repugnant. Like a crime scene.

The roof was a regular spot for unsavory activities; most students avoided it outright. Delinquents were the only ones who used it regularly.

Well, semi-regularly, when Yusuke was truant. Yusuke frightened even other delinquents. Keiko had seen her stare down _high schoolers,_ and she certainly wasn't the one who blinked first. People crossed the street to avoid her. Looked away like they thought if they just pretended hard enough, she would go away.

It was somewhat mystifying, because as much as Yusuke liked to fight, she had yet to participate in anything really awful. She'd heard about extortion, bullying, and drug deals at other schools. So far, there was nothing like that—but she dreaded it was only a matter of time. The roof unsettled Keiko.

She had nightmares about it, about Yusuke in all sorts of situations. What if there was a fire and she got stuck? What if she fell from the ledge? She wasn't sure which scenarios scared her more and she tried not to think of it. She worried where Yusuke's spiraling would leave her.

Keiko turned the handle and pushed the rooftop door open. The wind whipped it from her grip, banging the door against the wall. It grabbed at her hair and clothes, making them flap wildly. She hastily held down her skirt.

She hated the roof. Why did Yusuke like it so much? Oh, yes, because it meant she could be alone. Sometimes Yusuke's reasoning escaped even Keiko.

A quick examination revealed no sign of her, but Keiko wasn't fooled.

"Yusuke, I _know_ you're up here," Keiko called. She took a few steps out into the open. Yusuke always seemed to be wedged in the most ridiculous, unexpected, and precarious positions just about everywhere.

(She had nightmares about her falling off the roof.)

"Yusuke, I saw you in the courtyard today so I know you're here. You weren't in the gym storage or behind the field house so you have to be here!" Frustrated, Keiko raised her voice. "YUSUKE!"

"Drop it to a low roar, nag-zilla, I heard you the first time," a familiar drawling voice spoke behind her. "I'm not deaf, but I might be soon if you keep that up."

Keiko turned to find the menace herself perched like some overgrown bird on top of the protruding stairwell. Her legs must have been dangling over the side when Keiko opened the door. She'd raised one, hooked by the sole of her shoe on the edge, and the other hung down safely on the other side.

Keiko felt a thrum ripple through her at the sight of the infamous Yusuke Urameshi. Like she'd forgotten what Yusuke looked like, or she'd forgotten the teen was a real person and not some urban myth the students whispered about in hushed tones.

Keiko hadn't seen hide or hair of her in more than a week.

"Yusuke, you didn't even change your shoes before you came in? Were you raised by wolves?"

"Just about, yeah," Yusuke joked, lips quirking up in a crooked, roguish grin.

Yusuke was very beautiful, Keiko thought distantly, but in a strange, untouchable way. She looked almost willowy, in that long green skirt and loose-fitted white blouse. Everything seemed stretched—a tie that hung just a little too low, a long face, tan arms and long, shapely legs just peeking out beneath her skirt. She had sharp features, from her pointed, dramatic brows to her gleaming brown eyes. Between painted red lips that weren't quite thin and weren't quite full, there was a cigarette with ash clinging desperately to the end.

Smoke curled lazily around her in the wind, like an old friend. Yusuke was an intangible shadow stretching out in the light of the day.

Keiko knew an illusion when she saw one. She was all lean muscle, with strong arms and powerful legs.

"Everybody's been calling my name today," Yusuke remarked dryly, tapping the ash from the cigarette. "Maybe I'm finally getting popular."

"You're getting _cancer_ ," Keiko deadpanned. "I feel like I should be surprised but I'm honestly not. Smoking in _school_? Yusuke, you're gonna die young."

Yusuke gave her that stupid little smirk with her glossy lips, like she was in on some joke that Keiko would never be a part of.

"The good ones always do."

Keiko reached up and pinched her ankle.

"Ye-OUCH!" She yelped, jerking in surprise and losing her cigarette in the process.

Without missing a beat, Keiko crushed it under her heel.

"You brat!" Yusuke cried, hopping down from the doorway. Her skirt fluttered, but it was long and heavy, not at all like the blue ones Keiko wore. Keiko felt reassured. Yusuke was still the little hellion she'd known as a child.

(So why was she so uneasy?)

" _I'm_ the brat?" Keiko asked, balancing one hand on her hip. "You're the one who comes to school and then doesn't even go to class! There's no point to that Yusuke, they'll still mark you absent. You know I get in trouble as class representative if you don't attend, right? I'm sick of being scolded because you can't bother to learn something once in a while."

She felt the blood rushing to her face as she worked herself up. By the end of her rant, she was red and panting, glaring angrily at the taller girl.

Yusuke stared at her resolutely. Her dark brown eyes were solemn. The abrupt shift in mood worried Keiko.

"Wh-what is it, Yusuke, what's wrong?" She asked. There was no answer, and she leaned toward her old friend. "Yusuke, is something the matter?"

Keiko nervously reached up to touch her hair. Was there something wrong with how she looked? Did she have something on her face?

"Yusuke?" _Are you okay?_

Yusuke's solemn face broke like the sun through storm clouds and a twisty smile emerged. "Yeah, the teachers here are perverts, that's the problem. Your skirt's thinner than rice paper."

Keiko was struck.

Then, she was angry. "Yusuke, you jerk! I thought something was wrong!"

She smacked her friend's arm. Yusuke didn't even flinch–she was too busy laughing. Her hair, the sides tied in a green bow at the back of her head, fell like a black river over her shoulders.

Yusuke, Keiko thought, probably liked her hair. It was glossy and full. It looked well taken care of.

Maybe she was biased though. Keiko liked Yusuke's hair.

"Professor Takenaka has been calling you all morning," Keiko sighed. "Just go, alright? Don't get me in any more trouble, Yusuke."

"I will, I will," Yusuke muttered, running a hand through her hair. "You stalker."

"You think I like this, Yusuke?" Keiko was suddenly furious. Acting like everything she did was nuisance, like every painful step dragging Yusuke behind her, trying to get her across finish line after finish line and to keep her _alive_ was a burden to her!

"You think I like following you around! I've wanted to get rid of you since kindergarten! Why do I have to look after you when you don't listen to a _word_ I _say!_?"

She closed her eyes. In anger, maybe, or trying not to cry. Later, she'd admonish herself for saying it. Later, she'd feel bad for how it came out. But for right now, she wanted to be angry with Yusuke.

She deserved to let her feelings out once in a while. Yusuke owed her that much.

Keiko turned away from her…from Yusuke.

Softly, a low voice spoke, closer than she expected, "Nobody asked you to."

"The teachers asked me to!" Keiko retorted, eyes still shut resolutely. _Your mother asked. You asked, too. In your own way._

There was a quiet moment. Keiko could still feel Yusuke's presence behind her. Keiko could always feel Yusuke. Whenever they were in the same room, Keiko zeroed in on her whether she wanted to or not.

Yusuke was so good at avoiding attention, at down-playing everything and deflecting everyone and just drifting through life. She always looked like she would much rather be alone. But Keiko couldn't help herself. She knew Yusuke shouldn't be alone. Yusuke needed someone in her messed up life that would take _care_ of her, not shove her into the cold and expect her to be strong.

No one should have to be strong all the time. She had learned that herself a long time ago.

They'd been so close as kids. Now they danced around each other on the remnants of summer nights spent catching fireflies, neither willing to be the first to let go.

Keiko heard Yusuke step closer. Felt her skirt brush at the back of her legs. She shivered.

A pair of hands pressed against her back, soft but insistent. She didn't turn. They trailed down her spine, sliding around her sides and suddenly Keiko was pulled back, flush against Yusuke. Yusuke's forehead was pressing against her shoulder. She made a small noise of protest. She didn't need to be _held_ or _comforted_. She just needed Yusuke to listen to her, for once.

The hands slipped down, following the curve of her hips. One crept around to her hip, holding her gently. The other moved.

To cup her _butt_.

Yusuke's lips brushed against the shell of Keiko's ear and _purred_ thickly: "See what I mean? You can feel _everything_."

Keiko shrieked. She spun so quickly she thought she'd get whiplash and smashed her palm into Yusuke's face. The girl stumbled with the force of the blow, then fell, laughing, onto her backside.

"Yusuke! You unbearable pervert! Sex offender, deviant! Go die! Go die!"

Her face was on fire. Yusuke did things like _that_ sometimes, things that scared Keiko and worried her and _flustered_ her. She couldn't look at Yusuke, not while she was red and her back still tingled from the weight of Yusuke pressing against her. Pressing _her_ against Yusuke.

They were teenagers now, they shouldn't be so close. So _intimate_.

Yusuke was one trouble after another. Keiko once again wondered how they even managed to be friends.

After a calming breath, Keiko turned to look for her, cheeks still blistering. "Yusuke?"

The rooftop was empty. The door was still ajar and no one was sitting on top of it.

Yusuke had made her escape.

She puffed out her cheeks in a pout. "You jerk."

Halfway down the stairs, Yusuke hissed, "What a nag."

Her moment of levity was forgotten as she was forced to abandon her hideout.

 _Even when I come to school_ , she thought, taking the steps two at a time, _everyone is always on my case._

This was the first time in ten days Yusuke had actually bothered to show up on the school grounds. Sometimes she made it halfway there and turned around. Sometimes she didn't even make it halfway and instead ended up at the arcade. She didn't even know why she'd made it here today.

Maybe it had been Keiko's incessant "come to school" messages and weekly "here's your homework" visits–as though Yusuke would do her _homework,_ get real—combined with the daily sight of her mother passed out in the living room amidst strewn liquor bottles and bad takeout boxes. Maybe it was the fact that there was nothing to do out of school that wasn't completely uninteresting, after a while.

Yusuke worked herself all the way through the school gates on a wave of "school's better than this", only for her hopes to be mercilessly crushed under the weight of reality. The fearful looks, the reproachful stares, the hating eyes from the students and teachers alike weighed on her back wherever she was. The teachers wished she would jump out of a window and save them all the trouble. Iwamoto had made it very clear in her first year at his junior high that he wouldn't lose an _iota_ of sleep.

Well, maybe if the press thought the school had driven her to suicide. Oh, she could just see him now, weaving the story with his smarmy tongue. " _These things happen,_ " he would say, " _Urameshi came from a very troubled household. she rejected all assistance. It's so sad."_

 _Yeah,_ the only thing he'd find sad was that he didn't get to push her out himself. What a damn fraud. They all were. They didn't give a shit about the kids in their school. They only cared when the kids made them look good. _Parasites_.

 _Yusuke you have to show up,_ they said. _You have to follow the rules._ What did it net her but trouble? She certainly didn't think she could "better herself" when she was getting called a liar and a crook all the time. She couldn't get help even when she tried.

Why couldn't Keiko see that these people wanted nothing to do with her? And the feeling was certainly mutual. She was just doing what was best for everybody. Sometimes she wished she could just drop out already. Get some kind of job and support herself.

Rounding the turn at the landing, Yusuke came face to face with two school girls. One took a short, sharp intake of breath and the other stumbled backwards, gripping the railing like a lifeline. As she stared at them, the black haired one seemed to try to hide herself behind her friend.

These were the two shadows Yusuke sometimes saw trailing after Keiko whenever Yusuke saw in her school (which admittedly was not often). They stared at her, cowering, trying not to move or breathe too deeply, like she was some kind of dangerous animal out of its cage.

Like she was an animal in a freaking _zoo_.

"See something you like," she purred, a threat hidden in the velvet folds of her voice. The girls gasped and made a break for it, shooting past her up the stairs, each muttering apologies as they went.

Yusuke counted slowly to twenty before she continued down the stairs. Everyone was testing her patience today. She ground her teeth. The whole damn school. She hated it and everyone and everything in it.

Yusuke snuck herself out the back entrance, not bothering with the lockers. She hadn't brought her school bag or exchanged her shoes. There wasn't anything keeping her here. The bell may not have rung, but she knew when she wasn't wanted.

It was time to split.

The courtyard was just as nice and sunny as the roof had been. The breeze was playing with the leaves, making them shudder and shush in the trees. It was such a beautiful day. It really was such a shame that all these kids were stuck doing math problems while she was having the best day ever.

Yeah, the best freaking day.

"No, it's true!" She heard a voice say. "I really did get fifteen thousand yesterday!"

"No way!"

"Really!"

Yusuke, mildly intrigued, stopped short of going around the corner, just peeking out. A couple of underclassmen, crouching together outside the gym building in their downtime no doubt. She knew the type. Bad enough to shoplift and smoke, too afraid to actually skip class or talk back to a teacher.

They only cared about their image.

Well, she'd never _had_ a good image to maintain, so maybe she was judging them too harshly. Her image right now was perhaps _sukeban_ loner going on hard criminal and it was maintaining itself _just fine_. No tending needed, just add rumors! She blew at a loose strand of hair, leaning back against the building so she could look up at the sky.

For just a moment, she entertained the idea of coming to school a pleated powder blue sailor skirt with her hair all tied up in pigtails like Keiko's was. Maybe wearing a softer shade of pink rather than the deep red lipstick she favored now. No eyeliner, no mascara, just a soft face.

She'd probably give everybody a heart attack. She snorted. It might be worth it to see the looks on their faces. Her reputation was already worthless. What was the harm in shaking it up a little?

She didn't know _what_ she wanted. She needed something, could feel an ache inside her. She shut her eyes against the blue.

"No seriously!" The boys were getting a little loud. "Everyone knows it! Anyone from _Sarayashiki_ so much as drops Urameshi's name, people freak out! He just _gave_ me his wallet!"

She clenched her fist around the cigarette packet in her skirt pocket. The box caved in easily. She was almost out, she noted distantly.

"I told him I was Urameshi's cousin, and he just dropped it and ran!"

She huffed a laugh. Yeah, she'd seen people run at the sound of her name. At the flash of her eyes or the swing of her skirt. She wondered if they would appreciate being public enemy number one, the scapegoat for every bad thing that happened in the school–possibly the whole district. How would these weak chumps react if they were regularly barred from stores? Jumped by delinquent knuckleheads?

Not well, she bet. They were the type to break down and cry at the first sign of trouble.

Some chickenshit wannabes were using her name, calling themselves her _cousins_ when they wouldn't even look at her when she passed in front of them. Something heavy and hot in her stomach made her nails dig into her palms.

When she finally rounded the corner, hands deep in her pockets and making her way towards them easy as you please, they were both laughing. One was waving a fat wallet around, his back to her. The other was puffing on a cigarette, and though she was in his line of sight, he didn't seem to see her.

Wasn't that always how it went though?

She didn't stop until her skirt brushed the back of Mr. Wallet's shoes, and he still didn't notice her. She grinned silently at them. The one with the cigarette's eyes flickered over his friend's shoulder. His face went pale when he saw her green skirt. Then they got wider and wider, trailing up her body. White button-up with the sleeves rolled to her elbows, long green tie, long black hair.

Her face with its large, sharp grin, devoid of humor.

He opened his mouth in a silent whimper and the cigarette dropped to the ground.

"What's wrong, man? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Her grin widened. It was such a bad joke, but she could never resist it. The pun was too good.

"U-ra-me-shi," she chanted cheekily, "yaa!~"

The wallet froze in the air and, with shaking shoulders, its owner (or perhaps thief) glanced behind him.

"Boo," she breathed.

They shrieked and scrambled towards the wall, stuck between fight and flight. They were smart enough to know they wouldn't get away. Not only did she have several inches on them, but her legs were longer and she was just more athletic all around.

She _was_ glad she didn't have to chase them down. Smart kids were useful sometimes.

"You know what they say right?" She asked, conversationally. "You speak of the devil and she appears."

They both whimpered. One of them spoke up "I—I'm really sorry, Miss Urameshi, we-we didn't mean to insult you or any-y-thing."

"Yes! Yeah," The other burst in, "we were just having some fun. We-we'll share it with you since-since-since—"

As she strolled closer and closer, he stumbled over his words, unable to divine the reason for his offer. Instead, he shoved the wallet towards her, holding it like an offering to a god and hoping that she wouldn't choose to smite him for whatever imagined fault she found.

That was how they thought; they did nothing wrong. It was always her. She was the bogeyman for the whole school, a scapegoat for every bad thing that happened in the school. She was the ultimate example of what not to do.

So of course she wanted their wallets (or whoever's wallet). Of course she was going to mug them. She was a thug. She was _that girl_.

She was _tired of it._

She stopped inches from the boy's outstretched hands, considering. Her hands were still in her pockets, her face placid, highlighted by only the vaguest sense of interest. Inside, she felt her stomach turning.

He was watching her warily like she was a wild animal. He was younger than she was and she had at least a head on him. She leaned forward, bracing herself against the wall, casually locking him into place. He shrunk back against the wall, clutching the wallet protectively to his chest as a shield.

She cocked her head and let her hair fall over her shoulder, another wall between him and the outside world. It was just him and her. He was breathing heavily with an edge of whiny panic.

Pathetic. She hadn't even _done_ anything yet.

"Now, why on earth would I want _your_ money, shrimp?"

His friend shuddered, frozen in horror at the scene unfolding before him.

"You think I want your garbage?" She asked sweetly. She dragged him up by his collar. "Huh? Well, is that what you _think_?"

"I'm sorry," he squealed over the fervent apologies of his friend. She could feel his trembling through his collar. She was honestly surprised he hadn't pissed himself yet.

"Urameshi!"

Yusuke felt the tension in her hands, clenched in his clothes and a fist at her side. She pried open her hands and let the kid drop. He fell back against the wall, glancing nervously from her to the man who had spoken. Yusuke's head fell back to look at the teacher calling her name (a fourth person, she really _was_ on everyone's minds).

Iwamoto. Her homeroom teacher, unfortunately, and resident all-time winner of the Most Hypocritical Asshole award. She wondered which one he was, sometimes: the one who got beat up by people like her in junior high, or the one who was just like her in junior high. Not that he'd ever admit to either. That would require admitting he was the same species as her, after all.

"What the hell is going on here?" He demanded, stalking towards them.

She stepped away, returning her trembling hands to her pockets and shrugging nonchalantly. "We're just hanging out."

"Ye-yeah, nothing really happened," the kid said. He was looking anywhere but at her. The other was nodding vigorously to back them up.

"Don't worry boys, she can't hurt you now that I'm here," he assured them. "Was she extorting you?"

She felt her eyebrow twitch in annoyance. Like Iwamoto had ever stopped her from doing what she wanted. "They said _nothing happened_."

He went on as if she hadn't spoken: "You don't have to lie for her. Other teachers may turn a blind eye but I will not. Go ahead and put your wallet away."

 _Ugh, what a sham,_ she huffed, throwing her hair back over her shoulders where it belonged. Iwamoto was always making like he was on some sort of _crusade_ , some noble defender trying to better the world by picking on people like her. The first day of school, he'd looked her up and down and decided he didn't like her. He talked down and she spoke up and that was that. War: declared.

She straightened her collar and tie. She hated looking at his stupid, crooked face when she couldn't just punch it straight. Her nose crinkled in distaste.

"A cigarette," she heard him mutter like it was an oath. She glanced back absently to find that the tobacco the underclassmen had been puffing on before she chanced across them was laying in the dirt, still smoldering. A shiny black shoe smashed down on it.

Yusuke watched Iwamoto grind the cigarette into the dust, all the while staring at her with flint in his eyes. She got the distinct impression that it wasn't the cigarette he was thinking about crushing.

"You're _trash_ , Urameshi," he spat, glaring daggers.

 _You're a hypocrite,_ she thought viciously. As though he didn't lie and steal and cheat. As though he didn't take every opportunity to disparage and abuse her.

"You and everyone like you," he continued. "I'll rid the school of you."

 _Glad to be rid of!_ She clenched her jaw to keep from saying it. As if she was worried about the _school._ The school could burn down for all she cared.

"You really shouldn't talk so much," Yusuke told him plainly, a tone that betrayed none of her turmoil. "It makes you sound stupid."

He bit his tongue in shock and anger. "Get the hell out of here, Urameshi!"

 _I was just leaving_ , she thought as she turned on her heel and pointed her nose towards the entrance.

"You're alright now," she heard in the distance.

She clicked her tongue in distaste. No self respecting person should need a teacher, should need anyone, to tell them that. If they really cared about being safe they would get stronger. No one _ever_ said that to Yusuke; she didn't need them to. She wasn't some weakling that needed to hide behind an adult's legs.

People in authority—teachers, doctors, police officers—always thought they knew better. Always thought they were in the right and that their perceptions were above scrutiny. But they weren't. They couldn't see how blind they were. From where she stood, they held no real power. Once you were bucked off by society, you figured out just how hight that horse really was.

Urameshi Yusuke stood on her own.

She didn't need them. Didn't need anybody. Not Iwamoto, ugh, or her mother. And certainly not Keiko.

Yusuke fished into the deep pockets of her skirt for the carton of _Love Cupid_ extra-heavy cigarettes. They were the kind Boyfriend "Lots of money, not a lot of hair" preferred and the easiest to swipe. He didn't come around all that often, though, and she was running low. Only three more remained in the package.

The day was just getting better and better. She felt around for her lighter, but the cool metal eluded her. Horrified at the possibility that it had fallen out, she hurried to check the other pocket. She had to have it. At least a match or two. There was no way she was walking around with cigarettes and no goddamn lighter.

Clutching the stick between her teeth, she furiously scrounged in both pockets. Just when she was about to give up and turn out her pockets, Yusuke felt a heavy blow hit her square between the shoulders. She lost her grip on the smoke as she stumbled.

She watched herself flatten it like she was watching death in slow motion.

She was wearing outdoor shoes.

She was down to two.

Anger exploded in her chest.

Fist already raising, she spun to face her attacker, snarling, " _You're dea–!_ "

She froze.

"Takenaka?"

 **[this chapter accidentally became two chapters when I was rewriting, which is weird, because I originally wanted this to be the transition between 2 and 3 but decided against it. weird huh.]**


	3. dead on impact

_"…a bird falls from the sky…"_

 **From The Ashes**

 _two, dead on impact by state of mind_

 **V**

The tension bled from her muscles and her arm dropped uselessly at her side.

The stout man standing before her was less portly than he was a solid brick wall. Though he stood nearly a head shorter than she, he had a sort of determined energy that made him seen _grounded_ , heavier than anything. His square head was topped with graying but neatly-groomed hair brushed back. The whole effect was the epitome of what one thought a teacher should look like.

"I thought you were in your office," she said, even as she realized the speaker was no longer calling her name, though it had to be lunch by now.

"Professor _,_ " he corrected easily. "I was getting a little bored and thought I'd take a stroll. Imagine my surprise at seeing my favorite pupil about to smoke on school property—a serious infraction, as I'm sure she's aware."

She clicked her tongue, eyes searching the ground for a reason not to be here. She ground the cigarette under her heel deeper into the dirt, just in case.

"Who, me?" she said with false subservience. "I was just leaving, Takenaka, I wasn't gonna light it until I got outside!"

Mostly because she hadn't been able to find a light, but he didn't need to know that.

" _Professor_ ," he said again with greater force. "Leaving so soon, Miss Urameshi? The school day doesn't exactly end at noon."

"Damn, no shit?" She faked surprise. "I've been doing it wrong my whole life! Well, you can't teach old dogs new tricks."

"Miss Urameshi." Takenaka had never really taken her bull. He was also the only one to use a honorific with her name, which. Yusuke didn't really know how to categorize. "What's so wrong that you need to leave early?"

She hadn't even been _in_ class. What was the difference between ditching on the room and ditching at home? She felt her anger kindling again.

"I got told to leave," she enunciated slowly, clothing frustration in condescension, "by Iwamoto."

"Professor," he said, probably on reflex. "Ah, so you have done something to provoke his ire?"

It wasn't really worded like a question but he was giving her a curiously raised bushy eyebrow.

"Psh, _as if_ ," she muttered. "He just hates me."

"Now really, Miss Yusuke," he said. He didn't sound _convinced_ per se, but it was the kind of tone that said he could be persuaded if she really wanted clear the air. Takenaka was a confusing man. He didn't act like any teacher she'd had before—not that he was some super fun teacher who made learning Easy and Exciting! (Trademark). He was just as boring as the others. Yet, he seemed to _care_ about his students in a way she'd never seen before. He wanted them to succeed for their own benefit, not his.

She didn't really know where she stood with him. He just _stared_ at her, unaffected by either her sharp sweetness or her angry hatred. He looked at her like he was seeing something no one else saw. Something she couldn't see in the mirror.

It was frankly unnerving. She dodged around his attempted to pull her under his wing or some such nonsense. She didn't like it when she couldn't guess someone's intentions.

"Well then," he continued as though she hadn't been staring at him with mild distrust. "I see we have much to discuss. We can start with this, and then move on to all the work you missed while you were _indisposed"—_ a word she assumed meant something like 'playing hooky'—"and conduct discussions. Why don't you come with me, Miss Urameshi? I have tea steeping in my office. Your favorite, _genmaicha._ "

What the hell? Why did he know that was her favorite? Takenaka was such a fucking weirdo.

She inched away, but he grabbed her ear before she could make an escape. She winced. He was faster than he looked. And shorter. She had to stoop as he pulled on her poor cartilage.

"It's been a while since your last visit. It's been ten days, Miss Urameshi—you're not going home before night time," he promised.

"You're not my type, old man," she sniped at him, "and I'm not into kinky shit!"

"You have such an active imagination, Miss Urameshi," he said, like he was humoring her.

He pulled her towards his office. With all the grace of a cat burglar, Yusuke utilized her pickpocketing skills.

She called as she scrambled up the yard wall. She paused, one leg swung over, to yell back at him: "Hey, Takenaka!"

"Professor, Miss Urameshi?"

"Where are you going with an ear?"

"Wha—," he jerked, then glanced at his hand. A plastic ear was sitting in it, but there was no girl attached to it. He yelped in shock and threw it away like a live snake.

She laughed raucously, delighted at his reaction.

"What are you, a _ninja_ , Yusuke?"

"It's just a toy, you geezer! I'm out of here. See ya whenever!"

She hopped off the wall and landed in a crouch street-side, leaving the man yelling at her to come to school tomorrow.

She laughed. Maybe she'd consider it. If he really did have genmai tea she might have to check in. She could split once she'd had some. But the day was too rotten to really entertain the idea at the moment. The levity was wearing off and an iron hand clenched around her heart, cold and heavy.

She shifted uncomfortably, trying to dislodge the emotion her chest. How annoying. There wasn't really anywhere to _go_. She just went from one troublesome situation to another, confronted with the same reason she'd gone to school in first place.

Everything was _boring_ and _stupid_.

Well, you could always go home again, right?

Except not. Because her mother was still asleep on the goddamn kitchen floor.

Yusuke slammed the door. "I'm home!"

Instead of the traditional "Welcome back!" she was met with a scratchy "Get me coffee."

Yusuke scowled but began to make it anyway, pulling out filters and ground coffee as loudly as she could. If she didn't Atsuko would probably burn the house down trying to make it herself. The woman barely took care of herself as it was. Yusuke didn't want to know what being homeless would do to her.

Atsuko got to her feet and stumbled to the living room, open to the kitchen except by little protruding walls.

"Oh, my head," she heard her mother mutter. Yusuke snickered. Then, a little louder, her mother asked, "Shouldn't you be in school?"

Yusuke banged a pot on the counter. Just because she could.

"They pissed me off so I left."

"If you don't wanna go, don't. Go out and get a job. School isn't free, you know."

Yusuke, now waiting for the coffee, turned to look at her mother. Atsuko was a young woman, only twenty-eight years old, with long dark hair and a solemn, beautiful face. She'd had Yusuke at fourteen. Yusuke had, effectively, ended her young life. Maybe that's why she was always partying now. Yusuke wasn't liable to choke to death on a blanket now and she was regaining the lost time.

That didn't make Yusuke feel any better about the imbalance in their relationship, though.

"You're gonna preach to me?" Yusuke asked, "While you're in your pajamas. Unbelievable."

"If you don't like preaching, dear," her mother said simply, pulling the remote out from beneath a pile of blankets on the futon, "then get independent. Don't forget _I_ pay the bills."

 _Doing what?_ she wanted to ask but, well. That was on the list of things Yusuke avoided. Funny how she was running into all of those today. Rubbish day, indeed.

Yusuke brought her mom the requested coffee and left before she could be asked to clean any of the horrible mess Atsuko left after her latest bender. Eventually, Yusuke would clean it because it was ultimately dangerous and gross to walk into a house filled with broken glass. Atsuko would never do it. But she refused to clean when Atsuko _asked_ her to. Hell no.

It was the principle of the thing.

She'd go make some cash at a pachinko parlor and then head to the arcade to blow it all. The arcade had yet to kick her out, mostly because when she was there, the other ruffians never caused a fuss.

As she passed, she heard locks clicking into place. She saw a woman move to block the entrance to her shop, resolutely staring Yusuke down like she'd honestly wanted to go into a handy-crafts store.

As if.

She shoved her hands deep in her pockets and walked a little faster. She wasn't wanted at home, she wasn't wanted at school, the whole city seemed determined to drive her out. Was there anywhere she could spend five minutes in without wanting to murder someone? Life's little mysteries.

There was a patter of shoes all around her. Yusuke froze and looked up from the dirt. She was staring into the face of a boy wearing the uniform of her junior high. There were three of them actually, she noted, boxing her in.

Her gaze flickered from face to face.

Blond, she named one. He flinched at her gaze.

Fat, she named the other. He stared back at her, determined.

Crewcut, she coined the last. He swallowed when she stared at him.

"I guess that makes you 'Ugly', then," she said, turning to look at the last boy she knew would be standing behind her, "Kuwabara."

As tall as Yusuke was, Kuwabara was a height she couldn't hope to reach in her life, nearly six feet. He'd got hit with the puberty stick early, and it had not done him any favors. His face was too jagged, eyes sitting too close to his nose. He wore the uniform, but it looked like it had been acquainted with a gallon of bleach. Just like his hair. His badly bleached, sundown _orange_ hair.

This guy didn't know when to quit. He'd been trying to fight her since she was eight. He was a blast from the past—a delinquent with an honor code. That, strangely, included not fighting girls.

Maybe she was grandfather-ed in. She'd met him before he started loudly declaring his code, after all. Or maybe he didn't know she was a girl.

He was stupid like that.

"Keep your mouth shut, UrameshI!" Kuwabara shouted, grabbing her collar. "I'm the Number One of Sarayashiki and I'm gonna prove it today!"

"Oh?" she hummed, amused. "And this is gonna be different from every other day _how_?"

She wrapped her hand around the other's offending one and _squeezed_ , digging her nails in. He yelped, loosing his grip just slightly. It was enough. She bent his hand back to the point of agony. Not enough to break it, though.

Kuwabara was one of those who interacted with her on an almost daily basis, maybe even more than Keiko. It was getting to the point where she was almost, well, fond of the twenty seconds it took to turn him into a quivering pile of pain on the sidewalk

She lay a gentle hand against the hand holding her shirt. Kuwabara was someone who interacted with her on a nearly daily basis, maybe even more than Keiko. She was almost, well, fond of these twenty seconds they had together.

He came up in a sweeping blow. She ducked it easily. Kuwabara telegraphed his moves. He was just too big to be a really unpredictable fighter. Yusuke's quick, powerful blows and unexpected techniques were way too much for him.

She came up under his guard and drove the heel of her palm into his chin hard enough to lift him off the ground.

"The only Number One you are is Number One Knucklehead," she informed the prone boy. She knew from experience that he wouldn't stay down and, indeed, he was clamoring to his feet.

He assumed a better stance, more fight than talk now. His beady eyes were focused on her with an intensity she might be jealous of. He clearly had the better deal, because he seemed to find getting bashed up by her so exhilarating he had to come back for more. Every. Single. Day.

He threw a feint, but she knocked away the real blow. She caught his ankle with her opposite foot as she did so, and Kuwabara fell backwards over it.

She grabbed his jacket before he could hit the ground, heaving him up so she could drive her knee into his gut. The thing she loved about this guy was that he could take her worst hits. She knew she could do some serious damage if she went all out, but even halfway was better than nothing.

She always felt so caged, like she had to be careful not to break everyone else. She _hated_ being careful.

Yusuke grabbed a wrist in each hand, holding him in place so she could smash her forehead into his. Once, twice, three times.

On the last hit she let go, sweeping around to roundhouse kick him in the chest. He skidded a good three feet before coming to a rest, curling around his aching chest and fighting to breathe. She'd knocked the wind out of him.

Yusuke brushed out her skirt and straightened her collar. She made to continue on her way.

The minions waited for her to pass anxiously before rushing to check on their twitching, defeated leader.

"Sh-she's not human," she heard one whispered in awe.

She turned slightly and formed a finger gun. She pretended to shoot it at him, adding a wink and a tongue click. He looked suitably cowed.

Now, where was she? The parlor, that's right. She strolled off, feeling like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Putting Kuwabara in his place was always fun.

A little ways from Kuwabara and his pals, humming some tuneless, toneless thing, Yusuke was forced to stop as a ball bounced past her. Absentmindedly, she snagged it from the air. She tossed it a little back and forth.

She spun it on one of her fingers, a useless trick she'd practiced in elementary and could still, somehow, do.

"Wow!"

She didn't stop spinning it, glancing down at the child running towards her. This was probably his ball. And he was playing near one of the busiest thoroughfares in the whole damn city. Where were his parents?

"Hey, listen closely to big sister," she said, crouching to get on eye level. She gave him a sweet smile. "This isn't somewhere you can play around at, snot-nose. Cars come through here all the time and if you get hit by one you're gonna be squashed so flat they'll use you as drawing paper, get it?"

He blinked, startled.

"You don't want to get squashed right?"

His face was screwing up and tears were starting to leak from the corners.

 _Ah hell._

If there was one thing Yusuke could say that she didn't hate in this world, it was definitely kids. They were so honest with themselves and with others. It was when they started getting big heads that she knocked them down a peg or two. Usually right around middle school, unfortunately for her.

She made a few funny faces, hiding behind the ball and peeking out with a different one. He sniffled, apparently unmoved. She was insulted. She reached into the pockets of her skirt, feeling around for something. Lighter, ( _bastard, where were you when I needed you?_ ), rubber bands, empty sugar packets, ah!

She pulled out a couple of broken chopsticks, stuck them in her nose and made "oogie boogie" noises at the kid. He burst into peals of laughter.

She removed the sticks and laughed with him. They stayed staring at each other for a second, then they started laughing again. A few old biddies passed by, whispering to themselves and glancing at them, but Yusuke didn't really care.

They were having fun together.

She couldn't stay here and play with him, though. His mom would eventually come to get him and what would she say if Urameshi Yusuke were playing with her son?

Yusuke couldn't imagine anything good. Even if she didn't know her by reputation, she wasn't any better with parents than she was with teachers. She'd had a real lack of model behavior, after all.

She passed him his ball. "Take this somewhere else, okay? Cars are dangerous and you're really short so they might not see you."

He took the ball, nodding.

She ruffled his hair and moved past him. She heard the ball bounce on the ground behind her.

God, stupid kid. Didn't listen to a word she said. She turned back to yell at him. Maybe he needed to be _scared_ into listening. He _did_ seem to be leaving after all, kicking the ball half-heartedly towards a side-street. She grudgingly allowed it, since he was technically leaving.

The boy's foot caught the ball at the wrong angle and it bounced sharply, angling into the street.

There was a moment where Yusuke felt an awful comprehension, a sort of sense of completion; she felt weirdly vindicated that she'd been absolutely right. However, it was drowned out by a rush of panic and she felt herself filling up with urgency, from toes to the tips of her fingers.

"Don't go into the street!" She called, trying to get his attention. The road had a high speed limit, and people tore through at nearly 20 over. He didn't seem to hear her. He was jogging towards the ball, chubby hands reaching for it as he went.

She reached, too. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw it. A car, swerving in and out of the lane. Some drunk asshole or someone on their cellphone. She saw them all the time. Signs with wreaths of flowers and teddy bears and toy trains.

She was moving before she knew it, her feet pounding concrete. She ate up distance, vaulting over the guardrail without slowing down. The car didn't slow. It might as well have been a monster bearing down on them, breathing hot all over her neck. She felt like she was burning. A sense of futility beat a steady tone in her ears.

She wasn't going to make it. She was going to watch a kid get splattered and she was going to be a useless waste of space who couldn't even save a tiny brat.

Her vision was tunneling. The ground disappeared from beneath her feet. Nothing mattered in this moment but that little boy, staring at her with his stupid little ball clenched to his chest.

He didn't even _see_ it (your fault your fault your fault, someone screamed in her ear). Her breath came out like fire.

"Get out of the way!" She _screamed._ She wasn't going to make it. She dove. She felt her hand connect solidly with the ball and she sent him flying backwards. He'd get hurt, she thought unhappily, feeling regret flaring in her veins.

There was a sickening crunch as bone challenged metal and lost. The car accelerated under her and she hit the windshield before she rolled off the roof. A broken and bleeding body hit the concrete with a heavy, wet thump.

Blood drained slowly into cracks in the street, a spidery pattern inching outwards from the middle of the street.

Bystanders would swear they heard her cry out when she hit the hood, but the paramedics would say dead on impact.

She didn't feel a thing.

Don't cry, kid. She didn't feel a thing.

 **[Yusuke is far more feminine than I originally intended. her favorite tea is a sort of green tea (which is hilarious, you should all praise me). second favorite is hojicha which apparently tastes like toasty caramel. both are kinda fun, playful types. ]**


	4. cigarette daydreams

_"…close your eyes, so afraid, hide behind that baby face…"_

 **From The Ashes**

 _three, cigarette daydreams by cage the elephant_

 **V**

The sun was still shining, she thought distantly. It hadn't started raining or anything. Blood glittered in the sunlight in a macabre imitation of water. Yusuke had been injured before, but she hadn't known she could lose so much blood.

That she had that much to lose.

She'd closed her eyes when she felt the pain shoot through her, reflexively, and she'd opened them a second later feeling nothing at all.

The initial suspicion that this was all a dream had drained away, leaving her only with the cold, hard facts as stark in the daylight as her rapidly paling skin.

"That's…it?" Yusuke asked herself haltingly. "The end? Game over?"

The sky had no answers for her. She felt slack. She felt ungrounded and removed, like she'd been thrown out of her skin.

Then, she giggled at the thought. She had been. That's exactly what happened! Her giggles devolved into a choking cough as she tried to swallow through her dry mouth. She found that the sensation was phantom—there wasn't anything to swallow. She felt like she was only imagining the constriction of her muscles.

She felt so lost. Powerless.

"Shit," she whispered. Then, more forcefully, she hissed, "Goddamn it!"

They were picking up her…her _body_ , laying it on the gurney and putting a sheet over it. The sobbing kid was being bundled into the front seat of the ambulance by a paramedic. She noticed that the man kept himself between the boy and her body, not letting him see as his partners put her into the back.

They weren't going to make him ride with a dead body, huh? Small mercies.

"I'm dead," she told the empty air.

She was insubstantial, completely unweighted. She was like a bit of light that had only gained some color. She might have been air. She could even see the street _through_ her own hands. Yusuke carefully folded her legs, hooking her skirt between them so no one could see under it from below.

She snorted. What was the use? She realized no one could see under her skirt, no matter how she sat. No one could see her, period.

"I'm a ghost," she exhaled and the rightness of it settled into her like a new skeleton.

Yusuke didn't feel like crying. She didn't want to scream or beg or anything. If Yusuke had ever considered how she, personally, would react to her own death, she might have expected at least some mourning. No such luck. Maybe it was the loss of her body, but Yusuke felt as if something had been lifted of her shoulders.

There was a kind of…relief in this, she thought. A sense of finality. It was…over.

"Oh, oh, bingo! Bingo, bingo!" Came a chiming voice.

Yusuke _screamed_.

The moment shattered and crashed around her ears. She flung herself forward and managed to flip in the air. Though she floated easily, her hair fell around her hair. Yusuke wasn't about to contemplate the logic of ghostliness, nah uh, not right now. There was too much _unexpected afterlife guest_ in the vicinity for such mind boggling.

The voice had apparently been that upside down woman witting on a wooden oar wearing an elaborate kimono in shades of pink and red. Her hair, a blue slightly darker than the sky in which she was silhouetted, was done up in a cutesy ponytail with a little scrunchy and a few hair decorations. The locks on either side of her grinning face curled up at the ends.

Yusuke was struck by the vivid _pink_ of her irises. A pretty supernatural woman on an oar.

Had she died and gone to cotton candy heaven?

"Very good, Yusuke," the woman praised, adjusting her weight on the oar so she could safely lift a gesturing hand. She giggled excitedly. "Lots of people don't figure that out until I tell them! I'm glad I don't have to waste time convincing you. Your skills of perception are really quite sharp, huh?"

What.

What the hell.

What _in_ the _seven_ hells.

Yusuke tried to speak, but found that no words were coming out, so she closed her flapping gob.

"Accidents like this happen all the time, and those involved usually can't accept their deaths. They are unable to find peace and instead become wandering ghouls or earthbound ghosts, trapped in this world forever!"

The cheerful tone was at odds with the words she said. Yusuke narrowed her eyes suspiciously as instinct kicked itself in gear.

"Who," Yusuke asked, "are you?"

The woman giggled again. That was gonna get annoying, fast.

"Oh it's not so complicated. I am the ferry girl of the Sanzu River, map-keeper of the roads of Yomi, helping the slow and confused from this world to the next! Nowadays, I guess some people might call me 'The Grim Reaper'!" She gave a bouncy bow. "I'm Botan! It's such a pleasure to meet you!"

The…Grim Reaper.

The Grim Fucking Reaper.

Not feeling the reaping, Yusuke thought, but _grim_ might be accurate. Botan was unrelentingly laying a smackdown on her. Yusuke didn't know if she could take so many surprises in one day.

Yusuke tried to take a deep breath. Losing her temper wouldn't help anything. However, Yusuke's go-to reaction was usually "unduly hostile" and she was basically running on autopilot while she tried to reboot her brain.

"What the fuck are you blabbering about?" She scoffed. "'Bingo, bingo!' Drop the parakeet act, cotton-head! Where's your damn sense of weight, huh, somebody just died? At least act like you give a shit!"

Botan laughed, unaffected by Yusuke's harsh tone.

"Oh dear, your personality is spot-on!" She withdrew a little gray book from one of those long kimono sleeves and flipped it open. She searched for a second, then read aloud: "'When scared or confused, tends to react aggressively and be on guard. Likely to attempt a power struggle by insinuating the ferry girl is acting improperly or spout of nonsense due to difficulty processing the encounter.'"

She gave Yusuke a cat-grin. "Sound familiar?"

Yusuke ground her teeth but Botan obviously had more to say.

"'Urameshi Yusuke, age 14. A very violent character with little regard for herself or others. Impatient, brash, rude. Enjoys fighting, smoking, gambling, has little skill in social interaction.' Oh my, and a whole host of other social problems. You need a lot of help, I see."

Botan snapped her book closed and shook a finger at Yusuke. "You're a very bad girl."

"Mind your own fucking business!" Yusuke snapped.

Death was hell before she even got there.

"Ah," she realized suddenly. "That kid!"

Botan looked at her curiously.

Yusuke wouldn't be deterred. "I-is he going to be okay?"

It would suck if she died and then the kid died from some complication or something.

Botan looked a little surprised. "My, would you like to go see him?"

"I can do that?"

"Certainly, why not?" Botan said, gesturing for Yusuke to come closer. "Grab on tight and I'll get us to the hospital lickety-split."

 _Lickety-split_ apparently meant the speed of sound, because Yusuke had to hang on for dear life as they shot through the city. And through the city very much meant _through_ the city. Botan paid no heed to any buildings she had to pass through on the way there. Yusuke caught glimpses of people in the midst of various tasks, like little clips inserted in a movie that just kept rolling on by.

Yusuke felt realization rush at her again. She was really dead. Looking at life from the outside, just passing through it all.

Suddenly, they were passing right through a window of the hospital.

"…scratches on the head and hands," the doctor was saying. "Otherwise, he is completely unharmed. No bone fractures, no brain damage."

"Thank god," a woman sighed. Her dark hair was the same shade as the boy's, and his eyes mirrored her own when she looked at him. His mother. She knelt and pulled him in close, wrapping her arms around him and holding him tight. Yusuke felt a pang in her chest at the sight. The relief on her face was palpable.

Yusuke was surprised when she opened her eyes to look at the doctor, though she refused to let her boy move away. He obediently hugged her tightly. He was probably really scared, given what had happened to him. Yusuke didn't blame him for a moment.

"What about that girl?" She asked. "The one they said saved him? Is she alright?"

The doctor lowered his head. "I'm very sorry ma'am."

She shook her head slowly.

"No," she whispered, hugging the boy tighter. "That's not fair. She…She saved him. She died? It can't be."

Tears trickled down her cheeks and she buried her face in her son's hair. The boy made soothing noises, forgetting his own anguish as he patted his mother's back.

"In his place?" She sobbed. "My baby, my baby…"

Yusuke pulled away, uncomfortably. She knew the woman was just feeling the terror of what _could_ have happened to her child. Imagining him in Yusuke's place, twisted and broken and bleeding on the street.

How could Yusuke have lived with herself if she'd let this woman sob over her son's corpse?

She couldn't have. There was no question in her mind.

She'd rushed in like an idiot, but she couldn't regret it.

Yusuke let the mother's relief wash over her and buoy her upwards, through the hospital roof.

In a moment, Botan had joined her.

"So? Safe and sound, right?"

"Yeah," Yusuke said, feeling a smile tug at her lips. "Alright, Botan. That's all I needed. Let's get a move on. Hell or Heaven or whatever, here I come."

Botan giggled into her sleeve.

Yusuke's brow twitched. This woman was infuriating.

"Excuse me, I said I'm ready. Ferry girl, make with the ferrying."

Botan laughed. "No, no! I guess I forgot to mention it!"

"Mention what, damn it?"

"I'm not here to take you away, Yusuke," Botan told her happily. "There isn't anywhere in Heaven or Hell for you to go, or anywhere else for that matter. You died so unexpectedly that we can't fit you in! We're going to give you your life back, isn't that wonderful?"

"There's…There's no place for me?" Yusuke breathed. She felt anxiety and fear clawing at the back of her neck. It was like all her worst nightmares jumping down her throat. "What the hell do you mean, there's no place for me? I saved that kid's life! I died for him! You're telling me you didn't think I would do that?"

 _Not even the gods believed in you, Yusuke._

An even worse realization dawned on her.

"Did you expect him to die?" She asked quietly.

Botan hid the bottom half of her face behind the book, holding it like a shield. When she spoke, her muffled words rung like church bells in her head.

"Oh, well—I didn't want to say it, because you were killed in the collision—but we didn't expect any deaths from this incident at all. Masaru wasn't scheduled to die today. He would have been hit, yes, but he would have had the ball in his hands. With that as a buffer, he would have bounced away from the car and wound up completely uninjured."

The ball in his hands? Yusuke remembered pushing against that ball. The end of her world, the last things she'd ever seen with her eyes.

Botan rambled on, "Actually, he would have been in better condition than he is now! It's silly really, you caused more harm than you helped! A complete and utter waste of life!"

A complete and utter waste of life.

Waste of life, waste of life, it echoed in her ears. She'd heard it before. A goddamn waste of space. A waste of air. Trash. Rubbish. Scum of the earth.

A giggle broke from her lips unexpectedly. Like water through a blasted dam, she was laughing so hard she had to clutch her gut. She was near crying with the force of it.

"Oh, oh," Botan fretted. "Dear, don't worry, I said we're giving you a second chance! Your sacrifice won't go unrecognized! You just have to accept the test of revival and everything will be fine!"

Test of revival. A test. To think she skipped school to _avoid_ tests. She couldn't even get away from them in death.

Yusuke drew in a shuddering breath to speak, but found herself breaking down in giggles again.

"If you go on as a spirit without a body in the human world, you'll become a wandering ghoul, picking up all the negative energy of the living and being twisted in it! With no place in the afterlife, you'd have no chance! It's a better deal to accept the test, don't you think?"

Yusuke wiped at her watering eyes. "Oh, no. Nope. Not at all. No thank you."

"Wh-what? What do you mean?"

"I don't think it's a good idea for me to come back is all." She was still shaking, but she was calmer now.

"Why ever not?"

Yusuke snorted. "Think about it, bubblehead. What does that book say about me? Nothing good right?"

"Well…"

"And it probably tells you that my mom isn't even thirty yet! I robbed her of the best years of her life! All those people who were annoyed with me, afraid of me, whatever, they don't have to worry anymore!" She snickered. "I might as well enjoy my selfless streak a little longer while it lasts, don't you think?"

"Yusuke," Botan stared at her. "So despondent at only 14? Do you think they believe they're better off without you?"

"Absolutely," Yusuke said. There was no doubt in her mind. Her mother could finally get a man that didn't have a piece of his pinky missing. Keiko could get something done in her life, like being a chemist or curing cancer or saving the fucking world and hey, maybe she'd get a boyfriend or even a husband.

A whole fucking husband-harem, if that's what she wanted. The ball and chain was finally off.

"This is probably the best thing I've ever done for _anyone_!"

The teachers, she was almost sorry to make their lives better, but why not? Everybody deserved a good turn every once in a while.

Everyone but you, Yusuke.

 _I've had my turns,_ Yusuke thought, _enough for a lifetime._

 _Just let it end already._

Botan shook her head.

"No, Yusuke, not so soon. Spirits are allowed to see their loved ones before they make their decision. Take some time to watch the people who care for you and decide after you see them. In fact, go attend your wake. I'll talk to you when you've gone and pondered there."

"What the hell?" Yusuke cried. "I decided already! C'mon Botan!"

But the woman had disappeared.

Fine. Whatever. Wake, sure.

Night was falling when she finally found her house. The city looked so different from above. She'd had to drop down to street level and follow the streets to get there. There seemed to be a decent amount of people lurking in the street, most in school uniform. The few that weren't were obviously teachers.

Figured the school would have to make a strong showing for their "Hero of the Day". What a farce. Everyone in that crowd was laughing and having a good time. When she heard her name, more often than not it was some variation of "she's dead? thank goodness!" There was a lack of tension in everyone's shoulders and faces. They seemed more peaceful and happy than she'd ever seen before.

It was a tension she had caused, she realized, and this was what they were like when she wasn't around. Still pretty annoying but, she conceded, not aggravating like she'd thought they were before.

Had she really been that scary?

She'd never even met most of these people.

Yusuke spotted Keiko, flanked by the shadows Yusuke had spooked in the stairwell. God, that seemed like a lifetime ago, but it had only been a few hours since. Those two were talking, but they didn't look happy exactly. They seemed more worried, glancing nervously at their friend. Keiko herself simply stared at the ground.

Her eyes were unfocused.

Yusuke hopped off the roof and floated down in front of her.

"Hey Keiko!" She greeted cheerfully. The girl didn't move, didn't acknowledge her. Of course she didn't. Keiko couldn't see the dead.

"Keiko…," one of the girls trailed off. The other put a comforting arm around her shoulders. The both looked so uncertain Yusuke wondered if they had said something to upset Keiko.

She had never seen Keiko look so blank, like she wasn't sure what to do or think. She breathed deeply, in and out, but said nothing. Didn't even move.

Yusuke felt a burning desire to look anywhere else than at her friend, to rejoin the merriment behind her. This side of the yard seemed darker somehow.

"Keiko, what's wrong?" Yusuke asked, but she didn't get a response. "Keiko, please."

A familiar, impossible-to-ignore voice finally tore her away. She couldn't quite make out what he was roaring about, but his hair was visible even in the dim light. Kuwabara was nothing if not noticeable.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She cried, thrown completely off-balance.

"URAMESHI!"

His voice _shook_ her, even in ghostly form. For a moment, she thought he was stalking towards her. But, no, he was trying to get to the house, impeded by those three friends of his. They were literally hanging off him, dragging their feet and pulling and pushing, trying to get him to stop and turn around.

"Kuwabara," Crewcut whispered miserably, "we can't be here!"

If the orange-haired giant heard him, he paid him no mind.

"HOW COULD YOU!" He shouted again. "YOU COWARD!"

"You bastard!" She answered instinctively. "Who are you calling a coward!"

"Ju-just because you're scared!" He cried out. Yusuke was stunned at the wobble in his voice. "Yo-you finally remembered my n-name!" You can't ju-just take that back because—because you're scared! I was going to beat you! I was finally…"

He stumbled and his friends managed to drag him back a foot before he regained his stride.

"Kuwabara this is a place of mourning!" Blond hissed.

"Don't do this, Urameshi!" Kuwabara pleaded with her, seemingly staring her right in the eyes. He pushed forward and she stepped back. He pursued.

"YOU CAN't DIE UNTIL I KILL YOU, IDIOT! URAMESHI, GET BACK HERE!"

"Kuwabara!" The fat one snapped angrily. "She's dead, man! She can't hear you and she can't come back! You're disturbing her soul and her family!"

Well he was right that she was disturbed. She was bewildered.

"Let's go!" Crewcut attempted to drag him by his collar. Kuwabara shook them off and raced for the door.

He lunged _through her_. She felt him like a cold wind, sliding straight through her ethereal body. She turned to look at him. He was shivering at the opening.

"Kuwabara," Blond said tiredly. "This isn't right."

"It isn't," Kuwabara confirmed. "It isn't right! IT ISN'T RIGHT! She's dead, she's dead, it isn't right."

Crewcut and Okubo took his arms and led him back the way they'd come, one of them whispering, "I know, man, I know."

"It isn't right," Kuwabara shook, his face was turned away "You're supposed to…to be here for me. Urameshi, come back and fight me you coward!"

She couldn't see. Was he crying? She shook her head, unwilling to believe it.

"Come back, Urameshi!"

 _Kuwabara_ , she thought. _You…you dolt._

"Urameshi…"

She tried to laugh, but it came out an awkward, hoarse croak.

Kuwabara had apparently knocked Keiko from her haze in the worst way. She was leaning against her friends, sobbing violently and clutching at their clothes. She was choking, trying to say something.

It wasn't. It was—

"Yu-uu-usuke!" Keiko wailed her name.

The sound almost brought Yusuke to her knees. She reached for her friend. She couldn't touch her. She couldn't…comfort her. Tell her it was alright, she was there.

Because she wasn't. She wasn't…

Yusuke took a step back. And another.

This…wasn't what she thought.

Not at all.

"How rude."

"Indeed. A disgraceful showing."

She turned to find Iwamoto and Akashi side by side, gossiping like school girls.

 _Ugh I knew you two were knocking uglies on the weekend. I hope your babies give you hell._

This was more the speed she had expected. Two teachers who hated her guts, happily celebrating her premature departure. Or late departure, as they probably thought.

"Some of the rotten garbage that hung around Yusuke, I expect," Iwamoto guessed.

"And almost as bad, too," Akashi informed him.

 _Oh, get a room._

"Akashi-sensei, I think it is somewhat surprising the Urameshi died in the manner she did. I was shocked at the news."

"Oh, I as well, Professor Iwamoto. To think after all the trouble she caused she finally did something to raise the school's reputation."

"Yes, I suppose she could only do it by _dying_ , now, couldn't she?"

 _You monstrous piece of shit,_ she thought vehemently. Her only regret right now was that Keiko would still have to learn under this asshole for the rest of the year.

"Then again, to tell you the truth," Akashi made a mockery of a whisper, holding his hand over his mouth but not really lowering his voice, "I don't think she was trying to save him at all. She probably knocked him down on accident trying to steal his lunch money."

"YOU FUCKING HEARTLESS—"

She was cut off by a man grabbing both of their ties and yanking them down to his level.

"Takenaka?"

It was him. The look on his face was one he'd never seen before. Anger. Complete and utter anger.

"How dare you! On this sacred night, when the spirit of the deceased returns to look on her family one last time? Saying such heartless things about a young girl who gave her life for another," he shook their ties and, by extension, them. "That boy comes here shouting in _grief_ and you have the _audacity_ to disparage him for it."

He clenched his hands around their ties like her contemplating choking them with those strips of cloth. But he released them.

As always, Takenaka took the high road. Takenaka was the better man.

"How disgraceful," he said as he passed them.

She'd never heard that tone before.

Never once, not even at her worst.

She drifted after him.

For the first time, she entered her home.

I'm home, she thought absentmindedly. Like all other times, there was no "welcome back" waiting. But this time, there was no demand for coffee either. There was just silence.

Atsuko was pressed against the wall, staring into nothingness.

Takenaka knelt and bowed to her. Then he moved over to kneel before Yusuke's altar.

"Yusuke," he began. She blinked. He had only ever called her Urameshi. "Yusuke, if you are truly watching from beyond, please don't look kindly on me now."

What?

"I'm just as bad as they are. I was so surprised when the news reached the school. I thought I'd heard wrong. Urameshi Yusuke, the tyrant of Sarayashiki, sacrificed her life to save an elementary school boy? It was unconscionable. I couldn't believe it at all."

He took a deep, shuddering breath.

"What you did, Yusuke, what you did was worthy of praise but I can't—I can't praise you for it. Don't ask me to, please. Yusuke, the one time you should have been selfish! You should have thought of yourself, Yusuke, of the people who…who care about you."

He sighed, clenching his hands over his knees. She sat down in front of him, resting her chin on her knees. His face was older than she'd ever seen it before. There was an absence of that fire that made him Takenaka.

He was just a sad man.

"There was something great living in you," he said. "You had so much potential. I see that now. That's why I tried so hard, why I pushed you so much. I wanted you to know you could do it." A pause. "I—I keep thinking: what if you stayed at school? Why didn't you stay, Yusuke? Why didn't I _make_ you stay?"

Takenaka was shaking like a leaf, tears rolling down his face. She clutched her sides. She suddenly felt very small.

"I'm so sorry, Yusuke."

"It's not your fault, old man," she told him. "This isn't your fault!"

He lowered his head, bowing so low his nose touched the floor. She could see tears pooling on the mats.

Her mother's voice drifted over to her.

"You reckless fool. I raised you to be strong, Yusuke," Atsuko whispered to her knees. "Yu-yusuke, I raised you…to be strong!"

She sobbed suddenly, head falling back into the wall. There were tears dripping from the corners of her eyes. "My baby. My baby, my baby."

"Mom, please, I—" She didn't know what to say. What could she say? How could she have not known that her mother…that she…

"My baby," the woman whimpered.

Takenaka, holding in his tears, bowed once again to the sobbing woman, and departed into the night.

Yusuke remained at her altar, incense curling through her in the lazy circulation of the air conditioning.

 _Sensei._

"Come on now, Masaru. Let's greet big sister, okay?"

Yusuke looked up to see a woman bowing to her mother with a little boy in tow. The boy copied her clumsily, then followed his mother to kneel before the dead girl.

It was him.

His eyes were big and beautiful, his face small and pudgy with childhood fat. He smiled brightly at her.

No. Not at her.

He couldn't see her at all.

She was dead.

"Hello, big sister! Thank you for playing with me, and for saving me from that car."

The mother bowed her head, murmuring a solemn thanks.

She bowed once again to her mother, clutching her son's hand. He was looking around curiously at the flowers and the ribbons and the candles. It struck Yusuke that this could have been some kind of party, some happy occasion. Was that what he saw? Or did he see the ornaments they offered to the dead?

If she could change it, would she have one or the other?

Her mother was still crying. Soft, little hiccups, like she didn't have the strength to sob anymore.

She couldn't take it.

She sprinted after the mother and her son.

"You shouldn't thank me!" She screamed into the night.

"You shouldn't thank me because—because I didn't do anything. I did fucking NOTHING!"

No one could hear her. Her voice didn't even echo.

She was choking. She felt like she was dying again.

"Momma, why's big sister in that box? Is she asleep or something?"

"Yes," the mother replied, biting her lip, "in a way she is."

"Oh," the boy murmured. Then, more brightly, "When she wakes up can I come over? She was really fun to play with! You think she'd want to again?"

The mother knelt beside him "No, son, you can't do that."

"Wh-why not?" His eyes got very big. "Is-is it because she's a big kid? I'm little, I know, but we had fun!"

"No, son. It isn't that."

Yusuke watched. She watched this woman who hadn't known her at all, who only knew that she was the girl who saved her son from a speeding car. She watched as this woman sobbed for her death.

How could she possibly explain it to her son?

The nice girl was dead. You can't play with her because she's dead. She wasn't coming back. She wouldn't wake up.

This boy would know death, and it was her fault.

"Botan."

The escort of souls drifted down to float beside her

Yusuke trembled. She twisted her hands in her skirt.

"Yes, dear?"

"This test. Whatever it is, I'll do it."

 **[got a song? suggest it! because you asked: pairings. a good question. endgame isn't my style; yusuke's relationships will develop naturally and a good deal of them may involve romantic aspects. hell this may be a bag of polyamorous love by the end. just be warned: there will DEFINITELY be some non-heterosexual things in here. If Yusuke getting friendly with Keiko's ass didn't alert you to that.]**


	5. playing god

_"…this is the last second chance…"_

 **From The Ashes**

 _four, playing god by paramore_

 **V**

"So who are we going to see, exactly?" Yusuke tried for the umpteenth time to get any sort of _concrete_ information out of her supposed spirit guide. Very rarely did Botan answer Yusuke's questions in a concede and comprehendible way; she seemed to prefer long and rambling, if she knew the answer at all.

And Yusuke was starting to suspect that the Underworld had a serious miscommunication problem.

Both spirits were seated awkwardly on Botan's oar. Despite her protests, they were seated sidesaddle. The teen knew she couldn't get hurt falling of the oar but the feeling off being so _close_ to doing so was unsettling, to say the least.

Not to mention Yusuke was pressed up against Botan, skirt bunched against kimono, with her arms wrapped tightly under her bust. Botan had happily agreed with Yusuke's complaints (read: screaming) that hanging on with one hand was both exhausting and sort of silly. Now, however, she had a very different reason to be uncomfortable.

The speed they were flying at rivaled anything Yusuke had ever experienced on the back of a motorcycle—had she still been human she would have had the air ripped out of her lungs by the sheer force of it.

Yusuke's fingers twitched against Botan's ribs, but the ferry girl seemed cool as an ice cube.

"I told you, Yusuke," she replied with a hair flip that left Yusuke spitting. Blech. Her own hair in her mouth was bad enough, thank you very much. "The person who will administer your test of revival."

"Yeah, yeah, 'prince of the underworld and future king of the spirit realm'," Yusuke mocked her with a nasal tone. "Like that says shit. Who is this guy? What's he like?"

And who died and put him in charge of dead people?

"What is this damn test?" Yusuke whined, not for the first time. So far, she'd gotten frustratingly vague answers.

"I don't know," Botan finally sniffed, apparently capable of "embarrassed" and "snobbish" at the same time.

"What the hell do you mean _you don't know_!?"

Botan glanced over her shoulder at her passenger. "I told you, your situation is rare. You're the first in quite a long time to receive the honor of revival. I never had a reason to know the test."

Yusuke huffed at Botan's ponytail. "So a lack of information is just par for the fucking course, huh?"

"Please watch your tongue, Yusuke. This person decides the fate of all who enter his domain," Botan said, sounding truly worried. "He may well decide to banish you from all existence if you mouth off."

Yusuke swallowed her smart-ass reply. She always chafed under authority. Every prick in some position of power thought they were god's gift to the human race and were personally offended when she didn't want to lick their shoes. She'd yet to meet a _good_ one, and they twisted all the right knobs with her. The odds of keeping her tongue firmly behind her teeth were grim.

 _This isn't a good idea_ , she told herself. She wondered what the cutoff for backing out was.

Botan tensed suddenly. "Hang on tight, the border between the worlds is weak here. We're going to break through."

Yusuke tightened her grip, locking one hand around the other wrist.

There was a sort of distortion in the atmosphere. The sky looked like it was bending, warping. The clouds were reaching towards a point in front of them, spiraling tighter and tighter like a tunnel. The air felt strange and heavy. She felt the strangest sensation—like there was plastic wrap on her face and she was trying to breathe through it.

She gasped for air.

"Hang in there, Yusuke!" Botan's voice sounded as though it was coming from some far off radio, tinny and small. The pressure on her head was drowning out all other sound. There was a vice grip around her lungs. The only sense working correctly was sight, and even then, Yusuke wasn't sure.

There was light extending around them. The world was fracturing like ice, bleeding light in rainbow prisms through the solid black of space. Yusuke had never even imagined such vivid colors and intense images, not even in her strangest dreams.

There was a stretching. She felt like she was going to be ripped apart.

Then it was over. The tunnel, the light, the fractures, opened like a flower and fell away to reveal a watercolor landscape under an eternal dusk sky.

Her mouth hung open.

Below them, thousands of roads seemed to arch from one side of infinity to the other, crisscrossing the marshes. They split and rejoined. It was a complex, beautiful network. Winding through yellow-green gouache was a patch of the sky, spreading in veins across the land. It rippled—a living mirror. She could see them, a speck of green and pink above it all, a tiny bug in the web of the world.

"The road of Yomi," Botan informed her. "And the Sanzu River."

She sounded only _slightly_ smug.

Yusuke nodded speechlessly.

"And the Hall of Judgement."

Craggy peaks rose high above the misty forests, a forbidding sight after the majesty of the land. An enormous wall rose up between them. Towers were set at regular intervals and it was built like a temple or a palace out of one of those Chinese martial arts films she watched instead of doing homework.

As they neared, Yusuke could see what appeared to be a crack in the smooth facade but resolved itself into a set of enormous doors. Upon closer inspection, the set of doors had another set within it, and another, and this continued on until the doors were only large enough to fit an elephant or two standing abreast.

" _God_ ," Yusuke breathed, speechless for once.

"Very much so," Botan agreed. "His office and everything."

Yusuke did not appreciate the wry comment.

She was starting to sweat. This whole world belonged to this one guy, this one guy who was _also_ supposed to be the one who would decide if and how she would earn her life back. All of this was his.

She'd heard punks bragging about their territories, but she hadn't thought it was worth the fuss. So she controlled the streets of her city, so what? She didn't work for it. She just kicked ass and people got out of her way. The only thing that told anyone was that no one was tough enough to knock her off her pedestal.

But shit, if she controlled something like this? She'd feel a little self-important, yeah.

Botan landed them safely beside the door on an outcropping of gray rock. A solid contrast to the green landscape below, there were no plants in this place. It truly felt like the end of the line. Which, she supposed, it was. For most people.

Once Yusuke had jumped from the oar, Botan disappeared her ride and motioned for Yusuke to hang back a little.

She approached the door. There was a little speaker on it. Unexpectedly modern digs for the world of the dead. Or maybe unexpectedly ancient? Yusuke wasn't sure.

Botan pressed a button and spoke into it. "This is Botan, returning with the revival case, Urameshi Yusuke."

There was a crackling of static, then a voice said, "Welcome back, Botan. Go on in, he's expecting you."

The gate groaned. The smallest doors began to slide, kicking up dust, retreating within the next pair just enough to make a narrow entrance. Big enough for both of them.

"Take too long to open the gate the whole way?" Yusuke speculated.

"It's done for important guests, but we're just visiting for a bit. No need for theatrics."

Directly behind the door was a long hallway, with column after red column rising up from a polished marble floor. There were flickering torches bolted to every third column, but they barely assuaged the oppressive cloak of darkness. It was so long and so poorly lit she couldn't even see the end.

Botan began walking. Her wooden sandals clicked on the marble floor. Yusuke followed at a sedate pace, craning her neck to get a look at the ceiling. It, too, was beyond her vision.

Who built this place, giants? Yusuke wrestled the urge to shudder. They were just trying to intimidate people. Like Botan said. Theatrics. She stuffed her hands in the skirt pockets. She wasn't fooled. She wasn't shaking either. Not even a little bit.

Botan led Yusuke unflinchingly into the maw of darkness. The door fell away into the eternity behind them. Yusuke felt like she existed in a small universe between one forever and the next, trapped in this little bit of firelight. Yusuke was getting sick of how powerless and small she felt while being dead.

All that nervous energy made her muscles feel like they were on fire, tense and ready spring. This was why she got into so many fights. (Not counting her awful temper.) No self control. She tried to breath, tried to remind herself that _they_ had messed up. This wasn't her fault. Or, it _was_ , but it was their fault for not catching it.

Or something.

Ugh.

What she wouldn't give to just slug someone in the face, to get this antsy energy out of her system.

They walked for so long Yusuke wanted to scream. Yell, run, cry. Anything to break up the monotony of step after step after step. Her thoughts wandered, never really pausing anywhere, just meandering from place to place.

She was going to come back to life. How many people could say that? She was a modern miracle about to happen. Would Keiko be happy to see her? What would she say? What would Yusuke say, for that matter? How would her mother react?

It was something a lot of people wondered about, she supposed. What would you do if you knew you would die soon? Except, she was already dead, and she didn't have the faintest idea what she would have done. Or what she would do, when she came back.

She thought, not for the first time, that they had picked the wrong girl's death to botch.

Finally, they came to a set of double-doors with solid gold handles. Botan put her hands on them, then paused.

She turned to look at the dark-haired delinquent.

"Yusuke, are you ready? It can be a little overwhelming at first, so try to gather yourself."

Yusuke breathed in sharply. Shit, she needed to calm down. The back of her neck was tingling, and no amount of swallowing made it stop. She took a few deep breathes, closing her eyes.

It was just like a fight.

She needed to find her center of balance and keep on it. She couldn't let anyone knock her down. After a second, Yusuke opened her eyes and nodded at Botan to open the door.

She was as ready as she could be.

As Botan pushed the door open, Yusuke was assaulted with a cacophony of _noise._ She immediately took a step back, hands flying to her ears. But, even as she did, she recognized the din as shouting voices.

"There's a backup in column four!"

"We're behind schedule!"

"Somebody get me a copy of Form A37, damn it!"

There were muscly red and blue and orange-skinned beings with fangs and horns running around in loincloths and skin skirts in varying patterns. Leopard print seemed particularly popular. They were carrying large stacks of papers or files or scurrying hurriedly from one place to another. There were rows upon rows of desks. There were a good number of these ogres answering phones.

"What the fucking hell is this!?"

It was like she'd fallen for a feint and got cold clocked across the jaw. She was still stumbling.

Yusuke felt like she'd been _lied_ to. She _hated_ being lied to.

Botan grabbed her arm and began dragging her into the room, calling out "Excuse me! Special case! Let us through!"

The ogres dodged around them, letting them through with little interference. Yusuke felt like she was wading in a ball pit. Not difficult, really, just slow-going.

They were heading towards _another_ large, ornate set of doors at the other end of the huge hall. Botan was all but shoving ogres out of her way and Yusuke was stumbling just to keep up, still reeling from the sheer _unexpected_ ness of it all.

Botan reached the door eventually and knocked heavily on the wood. "Urameshi Yusuke and her guide, Botan!"

A little box, like the speaker on the main gate, crackled to life. A cheery voice said, "Come in, come in!"

The doors, like those of the gate, slid into the wall to allow them to enter.

Inside was a sparse but brightly colored office, complete with a sturdy wooden desk fitted with a marble top. There was a lush red office chair that Yusuke was absolutely sure was more comfortable than her futon back home.

There was a potted plant here and there, to add some green to the primary colors that seemed to be the theme of the room.

But she didn't see any ruler.

"Is this a prank, Botan?" Yusuke asked. "It isn't funny."

"Down here, Yusuke," a voice said. She froze. Then, slowly, she glanced down.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS!"

Yusuke couldn't take it. This was insane.

This was _stupid_.

"This itty bitty BABY is charge of the underworld?" Yusuke shrieked. "You're kidding me. You're pulling my freakin' leg, right, Botan?"

There was no way in Heaven, Earth, or Hell that she was going to believe this little pudgy toddler was the ruler of all of spirit world. A tiny kid, barely up to her knee, wearing a small blue tunic and a ridiculous hat was waving her gaze down. He reminded her, in a way, of the kid she'd saved.

But even younger. With a _pacifier in his mouth._ A little blue thing with a squishy bubble on the end.

She'd sooner believe Kuwabara was an A-student or Keiko was shoplifting.

"Why on earth would I do that Yusuke?" Botan sounded agitated. She was grabbing Yusuke's arm, digging her nails in. "Be more respectful! Lord Koenma is the Prince of the Underworld! His lifespan far exceeds yours!"

"No fucking way am I bowing and scraping to a goddamn toddler!"

"I very much doubt you would ' _bow and scrape_ ' in any case, Urameshi Yusuke," the baby's voice was a weird dissonance to the words it uttered. And not a honorific in sight. "It's not in your nature, after all."

"And you know so much about me," she hissed through gritted teeth. These spirit world losers were really starting to get on her nerves with their 'we know everything about you but somehow didn't foresee your _fucking_ **_death_** ' bit.

"Well now Yusuke," the baby said, pacifier bobbing up and down. "You do have a talent for cutting to the heart of the matter."

The baby bounded back to his chair. He was certainly more spry and controlled than any toddler she'd ever seen. Little babies were usually jerking and teetering all over the place but this kid moved like someone twice his apparent age. He hopped up onto the nice leather chair and Yusuke moved to stand before the desk, crossing her arms.

He sat back, hands folded over his pudgy baby belly. "The fact is that your case is especially strange. For most instances of revival, there was some accident directly effected by spirit world that caused an important player to die too soon."

His eyes were piercing, filled with an intelligence that belied his body. "Frankly, we have never misjudged a soul as we have you, Yusuke. I checked the calculations myself—even in scenarios that accounted for your presence that day, the odds of you attempting to save that boy were slim, in the single digits. The odds of you _sacrificing_ yourself to do it? So close to zero I'd need a calculator to show you."

Yusuke swallowed heavily. _Yeah,_ she thought. _You_ ** _bet_** _you were wrong_.

She couldn't say it, though. In truth, she hadn't expected herself to do it either. She knew, in hindsight, the reasoning. But in the moment? There hadn't been a single thought in her head. Simply the urge to act. An animal knowledge that she had to _move_.

She couldn't say it was like something took over; it was definitely still her. But it was like all this thinking she could do right now was so sped up she couldn't keep track of where it was going until it had already ordered her to knock out thirteen high school thugs or throw herself to her death.

She considered that it may be a bad habit.

"So," Koenma said. "The consensus now is this: we don't have enough information to judge you. There is no place for you, and none can be made. We cannot assess your life and soul accurately given how badly off our calculations were. In essence, you are a mystery to us, Yusuke. Are you worthy of the gift we can give you? Or is your death a blessing in disguise for the world, fate intervening where not even we can see?"

She wanted to scream. That's what she'd been trying to _tell_ Botan, but the oar-riding witch had made her go to her wake and see people and _feel_ things! They needed to make up their minds.

Koenma hopped up and on to his desk, waddling closer to her to look her full in the face. He reached into his pocket.

"So, we've devised a rather ingenious way of _testing_ your inner capacity for good and evil."

He removed something from his pocket, and held his hand out, palm up, to Yusuke.

Sitting in his hand was a small, golden egg.

"Uh," Yusuke said intelligently. "You want me to…eat an egg?"

"Try again."

"Hatch an egg?"

"Very good, Yusuke," Koenma praised her in a voice that you might use to praise a dog that finally shit outside and not on the carpet. She bit her cheek. She was gonna _spank_ this kid if he pissed her off any more, she just knew it.

" _This_ is the egg of a spirit beast, native to the spirit world," Koenma explained. "They feed on the vibrations of the aura—in essence, they eat feelings. But these are true feelings, things your soul experiences. You cant hide your true intentions from this beast."

"So, when it hatches you'll put me back in my body?" Yusuke asked.

"Well, yes," Koenma said, in a way that made her think there was more to it than that. "We'll allow you your life back once it hatches. However, if you are truly an evil person with bad intentions, once you regain your body, this beast will become a horrid monster that will devour you, body and soul. You won't be dead; you'll cease to exist, completely devoured and absorbed by this beast."

Yusuke's face drained of color.

"Not a pleasant thought, is it?" Koenma grinned at her. "Try to do some good deeds while you wait for its birth, Yusuke, it could save your life."

Yusuke nodded mutely. What a bad deal. Hopefully her inner self was a little nicer than outer Yusuke, or she was on a one way train to oblivion.

She felt like she was past the point of no return.

"Right now, your body's life has resumed. Your heart is beating and your lungs are breathing—the only thing you need now is the okay to return."

Yusuke reached forward and gently took the egg from the baby ruler. It was stronger than she thought, shell thick and waxy. Despite the golden hue, it wasn't cold like metal. Instead, it was warm. It felt like it was pulsing in her hands. She wondered what the life inside of it was like.

What it would be like, soaking in her energy.

"How long is this thing gonna take?" Yusuke wondered aloud, cradling the egg in both hands.

"Twenty years maybe?" Koenma supposed.

Yusuke jerked back.

"WHAT!"

"No, no, a few weeks. Maybe a month or so. Definitely no more than two. No, three! Yes three at the most."

Yusuke took that precise statement to mean that she should burrow in for a while because she was going to be doing a fat lot of nothing for a long time.

Botan and Koenma discussed some confusing, boring things and Yusuke kinda zoned out, staring up at the ceiling. By the time Botan had shaken her back to reality, led her back through the unnecessarily long hall, and flew them through that weird in-between space, it was already dusk.

They sat, side-by-side on the ferry girl's oar, watching night creep up on the city. One by one, lights would flicker on. People trickled below, marching ants, on their way home from work or classes. Botan was happy to let the moment pass in silence, and Yusuke was thankful.

She felt like a wrung out towel. She shrugged against the other woman and watched the heart of the city pump well into the night.

She was weary. Or maybe, she was wary. She held the little shelled baby in her hands, running her fingers over its smooth surface.

"What kinda good deeds can I do as a ghost?"

"I'm sure you'll figure something out, Yusuke. You're very adaptable."

Yusuke snorted and closed her eyes, listening to the ambience of car alarms and barking dogs.

She was gonna be at this for a while, it seemed. Maybe Botan was right and she'd find something to do. Maybe she was a good person deep down and she didn't have to worry about it. Then in a few weeks (or maybe months?) she'd get back in her body and she and Keiko and her mom would all have the time of their lives partying it up.

 _Wait_.

Wait, shit, oh _shit_.

"Botan!" She shouted.

Botan flinched back, almost falling off the oar. "Wh-what is it?"

"My body! My body!"

"What about your body?"

"A pulse doesn't matter much if they put me in a furnace!"

Botan's face blanched. "Oh dear, I almost forgot."

"I have to tell them!" Oh no, no one could see or hear her. She was a ghost. "Can I communicate with the living?"

Botan smiled brightly, obviously relieved, "Of course! Gods and ghosts communicate through dreams! People are attuned to the spirit world when they are asleep or close to death."

"Perfect, get the lead out!"

They made a beeline for Yusuke's home, but there was very little to be done there. Her mother had worked herself into a drunken rage. It was less frightening than the stupor she'd been in before, but her throwing empty bottles and smashing vases was really getting in the way of, say, communicating with her while she was asleep.

"Perhaps she'll go to sleep if we wait?" Botan asked cautiously.

Atsuko stumbled to her feet from where she'd been breaking plates in the kitchen. She wobbled over to the altar that held her picture and grabbed it up in her hands.

She made like she was going to smash it, too, then paused. Her eyes were trained on Yusuke's face. Atsuko was shaking.

"You fool. You damned fool! YOU RECKLESS IDIOT!"

She fell to the ground. "I taught you better than this! You're stronger than this! You died because you got hit by a car? Who does that! Weakling!"

She let her head fall to the ground, sobbing with all her heart.

"How sad," Botan whispered.

"Sad? It's pathetic!" Yusuke spat. "She's just got another reason to act like this! It's not like she was doing any better _before_ I died. She'll be on this bender for days."

"Yusuke," Botan said, half-admonishing and half-surprised.

"Whatever," Yusuke hissed, exasperated. "We won't get any help here. Let's find Keiko, she's reliable."

Keiko's house wasn't far from Yusuke's. It was a two-bedroom, one-bath apartment above the Yukimura Noodle Shop. Yusuke used to come down here everyday to beg a free bowl from the Yukimuras and bother Keiko. The Yukimuras had basically treated her like an extra daughter. Keiko's father had even offered to train Yusuke to take over the shop because it seemed unlikely that Keiko was going to.

It was startling to think that she hadn't been here in so long when it used to be her regular hang out. Had they really grown so far apart?

Yusuke found Keiko's window and drifted through it. The room wasn't very different. There were perhaps a few more books, maybe some more stuffed animals. It was cute, and nothing like Yusuke's room, which was full of comic books, wrestling magazines, and MMA merchandise. It was an interesting representation of the person who lived there.

"Too bad she's not as cute as her room," Yusuke muttered, floating over to her childhood friend.

Yusuke paused on seeing her.

Keiko's face glistened with tears, leaking from under her lashes as she dreamed. Yusuke reached out to touch her, to wipe them away, and felt her senses flooded with Keiko's.

 _"Yusuke, Yusuke! Wait!"_

 _She was running, running after a black haired girl who never seemed to look back. Did she know? Did she know that she was chasing her? Could she hear her?_

 _The green skirt fluttered back towards her, teasing her by being untouchable._

"You're gonna die young, Yusuke."

 _No, she hadn't—she didn't think that. She didn't really! She couldn't stand that. She pushed herself harder. The bow in her hair was loose, trailing long green tails. Keiko reached for one._

"I've wanted to get rid of you since kindergarten!"

 _She didn't mean that! She didn't! Keiko never wanted Yusuke to leave. Keiko was tied with her intricately, her life was not the same without her._

"Go die! Go die!"

 _"No! Yusuke, please come back! I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry!"_

 _She grabbed it! She got the ribbon!_

 _The bow came undone and slid from her friend's hair. It withered in her grasp, falling away to dust. Yusuke herself collapsed in front of her like a puppet with broken strings._

 _There was Takenaka pulling her out of class before they made the announcement, saying, I'm sorry Yukimura-san, I know that you were close._

 _She didn't mean to._

 _There was her mother, sobbing into her father's shoulder, whispering Yusuke's name. It's too soon for such a young girl, her father said._

 _Please._

 _She didn't mean to._

"I'm so sorry," Keiko murmured in her sleep. The tears still came.

"Keiko, you idiot," Yusuke said fondly. "Who do you take me for? You think I'd be hurt by little things like that?"

She touched her face, stroking her cheek, wiping away the tears.

"I'm not that weak, Keiko. And neither are you."

 _"Yusuke? Yusuke where are you?"_ Keiko was calling out from her dream. It seemed Yusuke had made the connection. Now to deliver the message.

"I'm not done for yet, Keiko, don't you worry," Yusuke told her. "It's going to take a while, but I'm coming back! My body is alive, okay? My heart is beating. I need you to make sure it doesn't get burned up."

She swiped her thumb over Keiko's cheek.

"I'm coming back, okay? I need you to take care of my body for me."

 _Please, I need you to wait for me. Just a little while longer._

 _"Yusuke?"_

 _"YUSUKE?"_

"YUSUKE!" Keiko screamed, bolting up from her bed. There was no one there. The soft presence she'd felt was gone.

It was just a dream. A wonderful, awful dream. She reached up to wipe the tears from her cheek.

But they were already gone.

Someone had wiped them away.

"Yusuke," Keiko breathed. It couldn't hurt to check.

She needed to know.

Keiko threw off the covers and raced down the stairs. She didn't bother with her shoes—there wasn't any time for that.

 _"Take care of my body._ "

Yusuke needed her.

She was going so fast, Keiko almost shot past Yusuke's door. She grabbed the doorframe to stop herself. She pounded on the door.

"Atsuko! Atsuko, please wake up, it's about Yusu—"

She was cut off by Atsuko opening the door.

Yusuke's mother looked disheveled, her hair wild like she'd been hit with a whirlwind. Her face was bright red and her eyes were glossy.

"Keiko, she's alive."

Keiko's mouth dropped open. It was… it was true?

"I-I opened her coffin because-because I wanted to punch her one more time," Atsuko whispered. "But she…she's warm. Her face has some color and her heart is beating, Keiko."

Atsuko, who had been staring down at the ground like she was lost in some other world, raised her eyes to look at her daughter's loyal friend.

"She's…alive, Keiko." _She didn't leave me. She didn't leave us._ "She's coming back to us."

Keiko couldn't help it.

She broke down crying, falling to her knees.

Atsuko, sobbing and laughing in equal turns, fell to the ground with her.

"Yusuke's coming back!"

"They're so dramatic," Yusuke huffed. "You know what would be funny? If I didn't come back. They'd just be staring at my empty body forever. You think it would be interesting if I smashed the egg?"

"Oh, Yusuke," Botan giggled. _You're so dishonest._

There was a silly grin that she couldn't quite suppress pulling at her red cheeks.

 **[Yusuke's so gay man]**


	6. ready to start

_"…i'd rather be alone than pretend I feel alright…"_

 **From The Ashes**

 _five, ready to start by arcade fire_

 **V**

Yusuke sat at the foot of the futon, staring down into her own face. It was strange to see it outside of a mirror or picture—Yusuke remembered those cute little "Did You Know?" notes in her science book cheerfully reminding everyone that they had never really seen their own face.

Well, joke was on them. Yusuke was looking at it right now. She wasn't sure what she thought of it.

Looking down like this it didn't really look like _her_. It was devoid of makeup, for one thing, but even more than that, there was a scowl missing from the set of her lips. There was a tightness around the eyes that was absent. It was placid, blank. She looked peaceful, but it made her look like some _other_ girl. Some alternate universe Yusuke who wasn't a screw up or delinquent.

Maybe somebody who had a bunch of friends and a sober mom who spent time with her.

Or maybe it just needed makeup. She wished she could tell them to apply it. She wished _she_ could apply it.

She couldn't, though, she wasn't _in_ that form.

It almost seemed like it was just sleeping. Her face and body had been cleaned of debris (and makeup) before being set in the coffin. Yusuke had been hesitant to look upon her own body. She remembered hitting the car at full velocity. She'd felt things _snap_ before everything went black. Yusuke had expected her body to be a horror show.

But this fourteen year old teenage girl looked like any other. With the body once again alive, the skin was healing up nicely so that old wounds were a dull pink memory soon to fade altogether. The bones were still broken, she'd been assured by Botan, but the Powers That Be (Copyright of the Underworld) were throwing in some extra mojo to clear those right up.

It would be silly to send her back into a body that might as well be dead, Botan had told her. Yusuke suspected this healing time was factored into the test time. A month or so to heal up the body and get it ready for revival sounded about right to her. The test was just an extra bonus to make her sweat and cover their asses.

They were sly sons-of-bitches in the spirit world, she'd give them that.

Yusuke watched her mother brush through the long black tresses of her immobile form. She'd been doing it off and on all night, as well as brushing Yusuke's face and shoulders. Like she was trying to assure herself that there was still air puffing past her lips. Still a heat under those cheeks.

Yusuke, fed up with the touching, had snapped, "You're getting oil all over my face, you witch!"

She was gonna get back into her body and have a _breakout_.

Botan had promptly shushed her.

Keiko had elected to stay that night, only going home to fetch her school bag and uniform and inform her parents of the development. They'd been perfectly understanding, considering the circumstances. Keiko and Atsuko had sat up, exchanging stories about their favorite delinquent.

So far, Yusuke had resorted to plugging her ears twice and screaming at them three times. Botan was having the time of her life.

"How did you two meet again? It seems like she's always been chasing after you, this horrid pup," Atsuko fondly patted Yusuke's cheek, eliciting a growl from her daughter.

Botan laughed.

Keiko, whose fingers were still entwined with Yusuke's own, giggled. "It seems like we've always known each other. But it must have been in kindergarten, right?"

Yusuke huffed. "As if she doesn't remember."

Botan looked curious. "Oh? You remember that far back, Yusuke?"

"Duh, do I look stupid?" _Only the most important day of my life._

Botan considered.

Yusuke scowled. "Don't answer that."

"Well?" Botan hopped up and down like a kid begging for a story.

"She probably doesn't want to talk about it with my mom," Yusuke smirked, "because I _kissed her_ on the playground. I was trying to mess with her, but I think she thought I was a boy." Not that it mattered. Keiko was very prudish about things like that, even with the supposed skinship of female friendship. Their relationship had been a great deal of inappropriateness from Yusuke and righteous anger from Keiko. "She got so angry she punched me and I had to go to the infirmary."

Botan's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh, Yusuke, did you really?"

"Yeah," Yusuke laughed. "And she stayed with me because she felt really bad! I couldn't leave her alone with a right hook like that!"

"You've loved each other since you were children!" Botan had stars in her eyes.

Yusuke flinched at the word. She scowled. "It's not like that!"

"Like what, Yusuke?" Botan asked, eyes too wide to be really innocent.

Yusuke clenched her teeth. Love? They certainly _loved_ each other. There was no one in this world or the next Yusuke cared more for than Keiko, and Yusuke was almost sure she was in Keiko's top three. Keiko was the planet Yusuke orbited around, like the moon around the earth. And like the moon, she constantly turned her face towards her.

But Keiko…Keiko wasn't always looking in Yusuke's direction. Keiko had a future—a bright one, from the moment she met her, Yusuke knew that—and Keiko always seemed to be facing the sun.

What could Yusuke face but her?

She bit her lip.

Privately, she could admit to herself that she was not and would never be a normal girl. Yusuke liked girls, liked looking at girls as much as she liked boys, if not more. It didn't bother Yusuke; it was just another thing that separated her from the pack. Even if anyone knew, they wouldn't call her on it. They were too scared of her.

And Yusuke _wasn't_ ashamed of who she was. If someone asked her if she liked girls, she wouldn't _lie._

She wasn't going to just shout it from the rooftops though. Yusuke got enough grief for being a delinquent, she didn't need shit for being queer too. And Keiko? Would Keiko manage to still look favorably on her if she knew with certainty that Yusuke _wasn't_ just playing around, that she really _was_ flirting with her?

She was so worried that Keiko would pull away. With that polite smile on her face that she saved for when the teachers told her to get away from Yusuke, she'd say, oh sorry, I don't feel that way. And that would be the end of everything—no more coming to get her in the mornings, no more nagging her relentlessly, no more worried looks when Yusuke pretended not to see.

What if Keiko hated her?

No.

No, Keiko would never hate her. Keiko was a good person. Yusuke was just scared of rejection.

Their friendship was already more than Yusuke had ever gotten from anyone. It was enough.

Yusuke felt like a damn coward.

"Thank you for keeping us company, Keiko."

Yusuke was pulled from her thoughts by her mother's voice.

Keiko smiled tiredly at Atsuko. Neither of them had slept that night.

"She could wake up any moment, right?" Atsuko whispered, half to herself.

"In, in my dream," Keiko looked unsure. "She said it might take a while."

"Maybe not for a while. But I believe in my girl. She's strong, she'll make it back as soon as she can," Atsuko said as she finished brushing the black hair and let it fall back to the pillow.

"What if," Keiko hesitated. "What if she doesn't wake up soon?"

 _What if she never wakes up?_ went unsaid, but hung in the air like last night's incense.

Atsuko regarded Keiko with a stern expression. It looked very odd on her face, Yusuke thought. Her mother said, "Trust yourself a little more, Keiko. And trust Yusuke, too."

Keiko nodded, smiling, but she wasn't looking at Yusuke's mother. She was looking at Yusuke's hands, the girl's fingers unmoving between her own. She slid them from her grasp and watched the hand fall like a dead bird to the sheet.

 _Dead._

Keiko stood suddenly. "I should get ready for school! Do you mind if I use your bath?"

Atsuko shrugged. "You don't have to ask, Keiko. My home is your home."

Keiko bowed gratefully and left the room.

She finished in record time, bowing out of the house, and starting on her way to school.

Yusuke stewed in her anger, watching her walk.

"As if!" Yusuke huffed disgustedly. "That witch doesn't believe in me at all! I can't believe my mom has my side and Keiko doesn't!"

It was truly a first. Atsuko, believing that Yusuke could do something? And Keiko not? It was Takenaka had suddenly turned into Iwamoto.

"People distrust their dreams these days. It's so difficult living in modern times!" Botan commiserated.

Yusuke threw her hands in the air. She wanted to punch something! She couldn't, though, because she was just a spirit without a real body.

Being dead sucked ass.

"I'll just have to visit her again! That ought to learn her!"

"You already said your last words to her, though."

Yusuke froze, turning Botan's words over in her head. It sounded like—well, it really sounded like—

Yusuke reached out and snagged Botan's collar, yanking her closer so their faces were inches apart. With a sickly sweet tone, Yusuke asked, "And what is that supposed to mean, huh? Last words? 'Cause it sounds like you're saying I'm dead for real. Botan!"

Botan's face drained of color. She furiously backpedalled. "Whoa, now, calm down! I misspoke, I misspoke!"

Yusuke's glare was still suspicious, an unimpressed tilt of the mouth giving away her doubts.

Botan laughed nervously, clutching the hand that had an iron grip on her clothes. "R-really, Yusuke! I—I guess I forgot to tell you but, well, you can't communicate with Keiko, or with your mother, until your revival!"

Yusuke released Botan's collar. "And why is that?"

"Very simple," Botan smiled, straightening her kimono. "Reikai has ruled that allowing you to communicate with your loved ones will skew the results of your test of character. You would undoubtedly feel good speaking with people you love, right? So from now on, you can't speak with your mother or Keiko."

"That's bunk," Yusuke said. "You can't just keep adding on rules!"

"Sorry, dear, I only tell you what I'm told."

"Whatever, like I wanted to talk to that lush or the nag anyway."

Botan gave her a secret smile, like she knew something Yusuke didn't. Yusuke pulled back her teeth in a lazy snarl.

"Reikai has allowed for emergency situations, however, should something come up! If you need to say something desperately, like when you had to save your body, you'll be able to possess a friend of yours with high spiritual power."

"I can possess people?" Yusuke gave Botan a startled look.

"Yes, the dead can possess those who are unconscious! Spirit World would prefer if you used only those who are heavily involved in your life, so as to avoid unnecessary contamination of the path of the living world!"

Yusuke looked unconvinced. "How can I talk to Keiko if I'm possessing her?"

"Oh, no, not her," Botan giggled into her sleeve. "Keiko doesn't have the necessary spiritual awareness to ensure a clean possession with no bleed-through! This is your friend, Kuwabara!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Yusuke reeled. "Kuwabara's not my friend."

Botan looked shocked. "But he was so torn up over your death!"

"He's just a masochist," Yusuke huffed. "Mourning his daily beatings."

It was shocking to Yusuke, nigh unbelievable, that anyone would call her their friend willingly. Yusuke was like a wildfire, burning up anything and anyone that got too close. People were forced to flee from her or die in her heat. Yusuke had never had anyone even as far back as kindergarten who she could relate to like that.

Keiko, well, she was a certain sort of steel herself. Though they went together like iron and a forge, Yusuke wasn't quite sure if they really were "friends" in the traditional sense. There was no sense of relating, of being with someone who was like you or had something in them that also existed in you.

They were puzzle pieces destined to fit but they didn't look a thing alike.

Truthfully, she had no idea why Kuwabara had acted the way he did at her wake. He had always seemed so over the top about everything—he'd declared her his _rival_ like that was something people actually said in real life and not kung fu movies or anime. And the challenges every single day? He was truly devoted to interfering in her life, at least.

He was like a comic relief character that did nothing but piss off the audience.

Bane of her existence? Probably. Enemies, maybe. Rivals was a stretch.

Friends?

She couldn't blame the spirit world busybodies for the misunderstanding. Hell, if she wasn't the one _living_ her _stupid_ life, she'd have thought so too. But she _was_ , and she _didn't_. She didn't doubt that Kuwabara would feel the same way.

She could even see his violent reaction to the mere idea, hear his stupid voice clear as day.

Yeah, she wasn't buying it.

The only social interaction she'd had with Kuwabara was her fist interacting with his face.

Botan seemed confused. Yusuke didn't know why—hadn't that little grey book said that she sucked at social skills or whatever? It should have been obvious that she didn't have any friends.

Botan looked confused. But then an evil sort of smile crossed her face. "Well, I know how to get to the bottom of this!"

She shot off like a star on that oar of hers.

"Wait a goddamn minute!"

Yusuke raced after her.

"Slow down! Where are you even going?"

"Come on, Yusuke, hurry! The day's almost over!"

What the hell did that have to do with anything?

Then, Yusuke understood. She saw the gates of the school rising up before her like the Hall of Judgment

Seriously? She was dead, you'd think that warranted a little time off of school.

But no, Botan was not, apparently, going to force her to sit in on the classes she was missing. There were good deeds and then there were needless sacrifices.

And Yusuke knew _all about_ needless sacrifice.

Botan instead flew through the halls, glancing left and right, as though she was looking for something. Yusuke floated duly after her. She started every time Botan suddenly turned her head, trying to follow her gaze and finding nothing.

"Why are you so damn twitchy!" Yusuke finally cried.

"Ah, here he is!" Botan said happily, ignoring the irate ghost girl behind her.

Here _he_ is?

Botan phased right through the door to the teachers' lounge. Yusuke hesitated briefly. She'd had some bad times in this room, most notably at the hands of Iwamoto, though the other teachers had dealt her a few hardships over the years.

Yusuke mustered her courage. She was a damn ghost, they couldn't do anything to her now. And, of course, she wasn't afraid of them. It was just natural to avoid bad memories.

Yusuke, resolve found, walked through the door.

The afternoon light was filtering in through the large windows, washing everything in a yellow that was fading into orange. Botan, seated on her oar, hovered beside the desk of that rat-bastard Akashi.

Unsurprisingly, a group of delinquents was getting chewed out over something. Yusuke drifted to float next to the blue haired reaper.

She recognized one of these delinquents.

"Really, Botan? This is your big plan?" Yusuke raised a dramatic brow. "You're just gonna stalk Kuwabara until he, what, declares his undying love for me or some shit?"

Botan shushed her, putting a finger to her lips.

Yusuke considered jabbing her in the ribs.

But the conversation caught her ear.

"…contacted the principal! One of the students had to have an x-ray done! If he doesn't recover what are you going to do?" Akashi was visibly winding himself up. When none of the boys responded, he snapped out, "Kuwabara! Say something! This is completely intolerable! Inexcusable!"

 _In-fucking-credible_ , Yusuke added. Feather-punch Kuwabara had actually done some damage to somebody? She didn't even consider that the other three goons had done anything—there was a reason they trailed after that ugly oaf after all.

Kuwabara, face set in a determined scowl, responded, " _They_ picked the the fight with _us_! Whining about it now, buncha cowards."

"Not even an ounce of remorse, unbelievable," Akashi clicked his tongue. "There's nothing for it then. Okubo!"

The shortest one started. "Ye-yeah?"

"You're working with permission of the school, yes? I'm afraid I'll have to cancel that."

Yusuke blinked.

"Wh-what?" The boy stuttered. "You can't do that! Please, please, sir, don't do that! I really need that job! My mother is the only adult in our family, and I have lots of kid siblings. I need to help earn!"

Kuwabara looked rattled and angry. "There's no reason for that! What's working got to do with fighting?"

"Foolish!" Akashi derided. "What if he starts something at his workplace? Why the school's permission is a recommendation! It's a testament to his character! If he gets in a fight at his workplace, what will that say about the school? No, I'm afraid I can't allow it."

What a dick, Yusuke thought. She didn't have a father, either, but there were only two people in her family. Whatever the hell her mom did, it was enough to live by, even though Atsuko was always nagging at her to get a job if she wasn't going to school.

"Please sir," Okubo pleaded, bowing his head. "I'm not joking—my mother really counts on me! Allow me to keep my job!"

"Me too, I'm begging you too!" Kuwabara pointed at his face. "Okubo didn't do anything, I'm the one who did the most damage!"

Akashi looked like he'd just heard the winning lotto numbers. He wrestled his expression down, but the smug satisfaction still made Yusuke shudder. "Oh, well, since you admitted it so readily… I suppose I can consider allowing the permission to continue."

"Thank you, sir, thank you!" Okubo breathed a sigh of relief.

" _If_ ," Akashi continued, as though he hadn't spoken. "You abide by some conditions."

"Conditions?" Kuwabara asked warily.

Yusuke knew the feeling. "Conditions" was a bad word in any teacher's mouth. She'd had enough "conditions" to last a lifetime.

Akashi's face was enough to confirm her worries. "The first, is that you must not fight at all for an entire week. Of course, this is for the whole group. If I catch any of you fighting the permission is revoked."

A _week_? For the guy who had challenged her to a fight _every day_ for _years_? As if.

Apparently, his friends agreed.

"That's way too long!" One whispered. "What if those guys want revenge?"

"Make it two hours," the other said.

"We'll do it," Kuwabara said. He sounded so determined. It was the same tone he used when he greeted her with 'let's fight'. "We definitely will. One week is nothing."

"I certainly hope so," Akashi said, smirking like the devil he was.

Yusuke cocked a brow at Botan. "Things are getting interesting, eh?"

Botan had stars in her eyes. "He's so kind to his friends, Yusuke! Why don't you like him?"

"Oh please," Yusuke guffawed, moving to follow the boys out of the lounge. Despite herself, she found that she was interested in how this turned out. "Kuwabara's all talk, no walk. He'll be back at it in a day."

"Damn it!" One of the boys was hissing. Kirishima, maybe, she thought.

Sawamura looked contemplative. "You know, thinking back on it, we never got in these kinds of brawls when _she_ was around. And the teachers didn't care what we did. She was a good shield."

Yusuke had a funny feeling that they were talking about her. She huffed.

"No one made trouble with her around," Okubo said, sounding distracted.

"They were too afraid," Sawamura agreed. "She ruled the streets. Didn't even care about schools or gangs or anything. The teachers _had_ to focus on her, or she'd run wild."

 _Hey,_ she thought, _let's let the dead lie!_ Even if they were telling the truth, they didn't have to talk about her behind her back right in front of her! And saying such awful things.

She'd bust their nuts when she was back in her body.

"Urameshi," was the soft mumble from Kuwabara. His friends all froze.

Botan tensed and zeroed in on him. Yusuke gave her a dirty look.

"Guys," Okubo spoke. There was a touch of desperation in his voice. "I didn't, I didn't want to say this but I really need you to go along with this! I know it's not fair to you but I really, really need my job. My mother is sick and she can't go to work. I'm the only one paying the bills right now! I honestly need your help!"

"Jeez," Yusuke breathed. "And I thought I had it bad."

"What does your mother do, Yusuke?"

"I've seen her demanding money from people before," Yusuke shrugged. "Extortion, prostitution?"

Botan gave her a worried look.

"I didn't want to bring it up, in case it was something she didn't want to talk about it," Yusuke explained.

That didn't seem to assuage Botan's worries. In fact, the look was more pronounced.

Yusuke shrugged.

"Don't worry, Okubo," Kuwabara grinned at his friend. "I'll go straight to school and straight home. Give 'em no time to mess with me."

Okubo looked close to tears. "Kuwabara…"

"Oh, how wonderful," Botan said dreamily.

"Please," Yusuke snorted.

She wasn't at all convinced. Kuwabara? Not fighting? It was unthinkable. He was the most impulsive thickheaded knuckle brain she'd ever had the misfortune of knowing apart from herself. She didn't believe he could keep this up even if he wanted to.

"Oh, Yusuke, have some faith!"

But Yusuke was already looking away, excited to see how Kuwabara acquitted himself.

And, apparently, someone else was as excited as she was.

"Oh my god," Yusuke breathed.

It was Akashi, trailing Kuwabara and jumping from shadow to shadow like the rat he was.

"Don't you have anything better to do?" She shouted.

Landing right next to him, she screamed in his ear, "Jerking off to your students is illegal, you pervert!"

When she'd said that while she was alive, it had gotten her a straight week of detention for 'defamation of an authority figure'. That had not at all dissuaded her from believing this jerk-off was whacking it to the idea of getting her and everyone like her expelled.

She hoped it was expulsion, at least. If it was just the idea of _her_ , or even another student, she was gonna get sent to jail for murder.

Oh, that probably wasn't a good thought to have when her would-be body eater was sitting in her pocket. She palmed the egg, trying to ascertain if her last thought had done any damage. The egg was as warm and full of life as it had always been.

That thing had a great poker face.

"Yusuke, look!"

Yusuke followed Botan's finger.

There was a group of boys crowding around Kuwabara, covered in bandages and bruises. These were, she assumed, the ones who'd gotten them into this mess. And they didn't look particularly happy.

"Kuwabara, we've got something to say to you."

"That's fine," Kuwabara said, dropping his bag.

Yusuke laughed, clapping her hands. "Told you, Botan!"

"But I'm not gonna fight. You can beat me up or leave or whatever. I won't fight you."

"What!" She shrieked.

"He's so cool!" Botan cried.

"No fucking way," Yusuke whispered to herself.

She watched Kuwabara get pounded on. He didn't move to stop them, he didn't even _block_ their hits. He just…took it. They weren't tough enough to put a dent in Kuwabara, but she couldn't believe his pride was letting him allow this insult. He was the most prideful person she knew.

"How about now, Yusuke?" Botan hummed. "Feeling a little different?"

Botan and Yusuke trailed after Kuwabara the next day as well, after checking in on Yusuke's mother (who was out partying) and Keiko ("Don't be tempted now, Yusuke! I'd hate to have to report you!").

He was looking worse for wear, but Kuwabara was chipper as can be. His friends seemed to have avoided any injury. He was the sort to draw fire, Yusuke supposed. That was probably a good thing. He was tougher than his friends.

Akashi, having witnessed Kuwabara's foolery, didn't seem to have the guts to accuse him of fighting. But he was just slimy enough to get even.

"Oh, yes, I forgot," he said, as though it had just occurred to him. "There was another condition I didn't tell you about! Remember, I said conditions?"

"He's worse than you spirit world goons," Yusuke sniped at Botan. The ferry girl only sniffed and pretended not to hear her.

"Well, here it is: you also have to score over fifty points on the upcoming science exam! The other teachers assured me that a good worker had to be a good test taker, too. They said it was only fair that I apply it to everyone, as well, though I didn't agree at first." He gave them a shrug. "They were insistent, however, and I just couldn't argue."

She ground her teeth. That bastard! He probably hadn't told anyone about this little stunt. No one but Iwamoto, who probably creamed his pants at the idea of sticking it to those rotten fourteen year old kids.

How many times had she heard that? You're a bad apple, he said, you're spoiling the bunch.

 _God,_ she hated that guy. Poor Kuwabara.

She blinked. Poor Kuwabara? Hell, why not? She could share some pity. He'd gotten the shit kicked out of him, he deserved _at least_ her pity.

"I got a thirty-seven on my last test, I'm sure I can do this," Sawamura assured Okubo.

"And I got a fifty-two!" Kirishima said. "There's no way I can lose!"

"I got a thirty-nine," Okubo said, starting to sound hopeful. "If I study, I'm sure I'll get higher than a fifty! Kuwabara, what about you?"

"I got a seven."

Yusuke burst into laughter. "HA! Kuwabara's stupider than me!"

"Oh, really, Yusuke?" Botan didn't sound convinced, that brat. "What did you get on your last science test?"

"A twelve."

Botan's jaw dropped.

"I'm good at guessing."

Botan snapped her mouth shut, looking like she wanted to say something but thinking better of it.

"I'll do nothing but study these next six days!" Kuwabara declared. "Don't you worry Okubo, I won't let you down!"

He raced off. Botan and Yusuke looked at each other, then followed.

"He's gonna get himself killed," Sawamura muttered. "Studying _and_ getting beaten up? I didn't know he _could_ multitask."

This went on for _days_. Kuwabara would get beaten up on his way to and from school, study his ass off at home and school, and do it all again the next day.

He had something stupid and chipper to say every day too.

"Don't worry guys, I'm studying hard!"

"I'm tough as an ox!"

"This's got nothing on what Urameshi used to do to me!"

Botan was torn between admiration and worry. "You _were_ joking about him being a masochist, weren't you?"

Yusuke gave her a helpless look.

She wasn't so sure anymore.

Word seemed to be spreading that the middle schooler who'd taken over from Urameshi had stopped fighting back and Kuwabara was becoming a regular punching bag around the block. People he'd beaten before were coming out of the woodwork to get a crack at the redhead.

"Kuwabara's a lot tougher than I thought he was," Yusuke mumbled, watching him walk to class, nose so far into a book he was practically cross-eyed trying to read it.

Botan's beaming went unnoticed.

"Oh look, it's Kuwabara," some punk pointed out the tall middle schooler. "I hear he stopped fighting and _loves_ getting beaten up!"

His friend laughed. "Let's do him a favor then, yeah?"

Yusuke ground her teeth. Kuwabara would have kicked these guys' asses if he could fight. She hated people who picked on the helpless.

Yusuke put herself between the boys and Kuwabara. He was working so hard, studying every night and getting the shit kicked out of him every single day and these two-bit nothings were gonna just decide, yeah, they were gonna get in on that.

If she had her body, she'd crack their skulls together.

But she didn't. What the hell could she do as a ghost?

Her anger was bubbling up in her stomach, spreading out through her arms and legs and up through her throat. She felt like she was on fire. A tingle of energy shot down her spine. She felt hot—like a live wire. She felt like she was on fire. Like she was going to _explode_.

 _"You come any closer,"_ she intoned, _"and I'll_ ** _haunt_** _you until you_ ** _die_** _."_

One of the boys stopped, grabbing his friend's arm tightly. "N-no, man I've got a bad feeling."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"It just feels _wrong_ , man! Let's save it for another day."

She grinned. A wise choice on their parts.

"Yusuke." Botan's voice sounded a little wobbly.

Yusuke looked up at the ferry girl on her oar. "What?"

"Wh-where," Botan choked, "where did you learn to do _that?_ "

"Threaten people?" Yusuke would have thought that was obvious.

"No!" Botan pointed insistently at her. "That!"

Yusuke looked down at her body, trying to see what Botan was getting at.

Holy shit.

She was _glowing_.

 **[in a stunning turn of events, the light comes toward you]**


	7. teen spirit

_"…don't come close, you don't even know me…"_

 **From The Ashes**

 _six, teen spirit by sza_

 **V**

Needless to say, glowing was not something Yusuke was used to doing.

It was like she was _losing_ bits of herself, like energy was flowing right out her pores and evaporating. The glow blurred the lines between her and the air. For a second, Yusuke thought she was _dissolving_.

"Oh my god, make it stop, make it stop, stop it, stop it," Yusuke babbled, smacking the glow wherever she could see it bubbling up on her skin like she was on fire.

Soon, the glow receded, an ember suffering a slow, agonized death, and she was back to the slightly see-through washed out color she'd been since she died. Her heart felt like it was trying to jump out of her chest. It was going at it like a champion boxer.

"Oh my god," she whispered. "What was that? What the _fuck_ was that!"

"This is extremely irregular," Botan mused. She didn't sound nearly as panicked as Yusuke thought she should. As Yusuke was.

"What does that mean!" Yusuke snapped. She was three seconds from unleashing undead fury on those guys and suddenly she was a quivering ball of anxiety and fear. She felt like she'd lost _blood_ —lightheaded and dizzy and fatigued. She wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep for a week.

"I'd say that was an unusual manifestation of spiritual energy," Botan informed her. "Uncontrolled and directionless, however, probably exasperated by your disembodied state."

Yusuke didn't have _half_ enough tolerance for all that bullshit, but she couldn't manage more than a tired, "Break out the kiddie manual, ferry girl."

It was like someone was sitting on her chest. She could barely breath. She sucked and sucked but she could bring anything in—she wasn't really breathing anyway, she thought. She was dead. Ha, for the first time, she _felt_ like it!

"Well, oh, dear. There, there are two parts to the spirit," Botan began, stumbling over her explanation. "The aura and the soul. The soul is the essence of your being, of _any_ being, and it remains relatively unchanged throughout life and afterlife. The aura is like a cloak that surrounds the soul, protecting it from harm! The aura is malleable, it can be changed with enough training and willpower!"

Yusuke's eyebrow twitched.

"For spirit beings like me, the soul and aura are all there is. For humans like you, however, the aura acts like the glue that holds the soul to the body. Some humans have the ability to train their auras and use them to protect the body as well as the soul, either defensively or offensively."

Yusuke groaned and curled into a ball, wrapping her arms tightly around her knees. She didn't want to _deal_ with this. God, what the hell? She got hit by a car, and then she went to the underworld, and then she _glows_?

Death was one hell of a weird ride and she wanted to get _off_ , pronto.

Botan, unaware that her audience was not even remotely following, continued.

"The aura can sometimes increase its ability to defend or attack in times of great stress, especially when the confrontation is of a supernatural persuasion."

When there were more words than she knew the definition for, it was time to step in.

"Yeah, yeah, okay," Yusuke interrupted. She didn't even _attempt_ to sound like she understood. "What does this have to do with me lighting up like a Christmas tree?"

Botan looked like she was struggling.

"Your heightened emotional state provoked your aura into responding to protect you!"

" _What_?" Yusuke hissed.

"It was getting ready for an attack!" Botan hissed back.

Eureka!

"Why didn't you say that _before_!"

"I _did_!"

"Ugh!" Yusuke threw her hands in there air.

"Though it's strange," Botan said, almost to herself. "Ghosts don't develop abilities like this until _years_ , sometimes _decades_ , after their death. It's easier to train the aura when you have a body! Ghosts with traumatic lives or deaths sometimes develop earlier, but not _this_ early."

Botan put a finger to her cheek, closing her eyes to think.

"She didn't have any spirit power in her life, did she? It's so unusual! Though I suppose my presence _could_ be provoking her aura…but it's never happened before! The adaptive power of her spirit would have to be…well, yes, perhaps it's…oh dear, I'll have to report this."

And just like that, Yusuke'd lost her.

"Goodbye Botan," Yusuke said to the unhearing woman, uncurling from her ball and drifting upwards.

No way anyone could get any sleep listening to her muttering.

Yusuke found herself wandering around, trying to find the orange-haired delinquent they'd been tailing for the better half of the week. She didn't quite know _why._ Botan had made her point, or whatever. Kuwabara was a loyal friend, good for him. Didn't mean he was _her_ friend, sorry oar-lady.

Kuwabara had probably gotten pretty far by now. Maybe he was even in class already, studying his butt off. She didn't care, she told herself. There was no way she was going to spend another day watching over Kuwabara while he chewed up his eraser and struggled through study guides.

Just like any book, she'd skip the boring stuff and just look at the ending.

Pointedly, Yusuke floated in the opposite direction, _away_ from the school. Botan could find her later, or not.

Whatever.

Yusuke's fingers brushed against something warm in her deep pockets. She rubbed the smooth shell of her spirit beast's egg with her thumb absently.

She was starting to like him. And it _was_ a him, no matter what Botan said. Reflection of her soul or not, this little guy was a little _guy_. He pulsed, a steady tattoo that echoed her heartbeat. When she held him close like this, she could almost say she had two hearts instead of one.

This little guy would be her salvation or her destruction.

She cupped the egg, chuckling. Figures her life depended on something no bigger than her palm.

She wondered if her little _episode_ had done anything to him.

"No! You can't die! I can't live without you!"

Yusuke startled.

And then screamed, scrambling to get a hold of the egg.

She held it close to her chest, heaving.

She had almost _dropped_ the egg her life _depended_ on.

This was really a job better suited to Keiko.

She hastily stuffed the little fella back in her skirt and looked around for whatever had startled her.

She had drifted quite far. She was floating over a residential area, and directly below her was a little boy and an aging, listless dog. The mutt was silver-muzzled and laying on his side like he'd fallen there. He shook uncontrollably and panted.

A little boy, the one she assumed had shouted, was crying over him, hands twisting in the dog's fur in a way that could only be incredibly painful. But the dog did nothing but pant and shake. With great effort, he lifted his head to lick the little boy's hand. The boy only cried harder.

"It's just a dog," Yusuke muttered, ignoring the pangs in her chest. She hated it when kids cried.

"Some people grow incredibly attached to animals, Yusuke," a familiar voice said smugly. "They can be very comforting when in the care of a _good_ person. Though you probably wouldn't know."

She ground her teeth and turned her head to see the snot-nosed, pacifier-sucking, baby-faced prick, uh, _prince_ of the underworld.

"What are you doing here?" She asked sweetly. "Run out of dead girls to terrify?"

"Of course not," Koenma chuckled. "There's one right here!"

She growled.

"In all seriousness," he continued, sobering, "I'm here for a _reason_. Botan gave me an emergency report that has me a little shocked."

"What?" Yusuke asked innocently. "Don't spirits spontaneously combust all the time?"

"You weren't combusting, Yusuke, calm down," Koenma dismissed the notion, easily parsing the fear in Yusuke's brusque attitude. For all that they were wrong about, there was much the spirit world had gotten right about the teenage delinquent.

Yusuke fought down the instinctive urge to scream _You don't know anything about me!_ She'd just make herself look stupid.

"Then what _was_ I doing?" She hissed.

"I thought Botan said she explained that," Koenma wondered aloud.

"Like I'd understand anything that blue-haired bimbo was rambling about!" Yusuke shouted.

"Basically," Koenma said, "your spirit is a little stronger due to the strain of your death and the unique experiences you've gone through recently. Botan and the spirit beast especially might be affecting you. That excess energy is bubbling up due to your heightened emotional state, but without a body, it doesn't know what to do."

"Oh, is that it?" Yusuke asked. Why couldn't Botan have just said all that before? "Is that good or bad? For me, I mean."

He shrugged. "This is an unusual circumstance we've never really encountered before. It seems that we're always playing it by ear when it comes to you, Yusuke."

"Because I'm so goddamn special," Yusuke hissed, only half sarcastic.

"Don't die!"

Yusuke glanced down at the boy. He was _still_ whining. "I forgot about him."

"Quite," Koenma agreed.

"Stop complaining!" A woman shrieked, coming out of the house and wielding a soup ladle in a way that reminded Yusuke fondly of Yukimura-mom. "You think he's that weak? He's got plenty of energy left. He's still young. Spry, even! Get to school, young man!"

The kid made like he was going to argue, but one threatening movement of the ladle had him scrambling for his bag.

"I called your teacher to let her know what happened!" The mother shouted after him. Then, she glanced at the dog, a bittersweet smile on her face.

"At least he's alright," Yusuke thought aloud.

"Not really," Koenma said. "He's way past his time."

"Huh?" Yusuke's eyes widened.

"The spirit is holding on because of that boy, but the body can't handle the strain anymore," the prince said around his pacifier. "In all likelihood, he will die sometime today. Probably before he gets back from school."

Yusuke winced, "Oh man."

"Yes, yes, it is unfortunate." Koenma didn't sound at all concerned. "And it segues nicely into the reason I'm here."

"How's that?" She asked suspiciously.

"Frankly, Yusuke, this most recent incident is just another wrinkle concerning you. The strange circumstances of your death, the frantic state of your aura—the Underworld has never had such an unusual case. We're scrambling to figure it out. I've even had ogres looking into your family history."

"What the hell for?"

"Looking for spiritual mediums, victims of possession, or something similar that could have some influence on you," he dismissed her question with an imperious wave of his hand. Big attitude for a kid with a _binky_. She sneered at him. "We haven't found anything."

She was confused. "What's this gotta do with a dead dog?"

"Botan's job requires looking into troublesome cases like this. You will help her perform her duties as a ferry of souls. With your aura's development, you could use a little directed training before you tear yourself apart. It is our opinion that seeing you 'in action', as it were, will help us judge your soul more fully."

Koenma regarded her nervous face with a frankly unsettling expression. "And it would be entertaining!"

"Why you…," she hissed. She lunged for the kid, but he had already _disappeared._ Freakin' baby god.

"Ta-tah, Yusuke, have fun! Remember: your life is on the line!"

"GET BACK HERE AND LET ME CLOBBER YOU!" She screamed into the open sky.

"Yusuke," Botan's familiar voice spoke up from behind her as she floated down from who knows where to deliver her sage advice, "threatening the Lord of the Underworld will _not_ get you any brownie points in the council's decisions."

Yusuke made a rude gesture that Botan harrumphed at.

"That won't help either."

Botan and Yusuke gave up their quest to stalk Kuwabara for the time being and waited for the boy to come home from school. Yusuke started to complain that it was boring and stupid, but Botan seemed adamant about her duties–and Yusuke couldn't leave with the infant prince's declaration ringing in her ears.

She almost asked Botan what sort of _training_ the kid had meant, but after this morning's episode, Yusuke really just wanted to let everything alone. She still only felt like forty percent.

A few hours later, the dog heaved to his feet, wandering around the yard on wobbling legs. Yusuke drifted down to get a closer look at him. The dog seemed to glance at her, sniff the air, then turn away.

What the hell?

"Botan, can animals see me?" Yusuke shouted up at the ferry girl who was still scanning the roads.

"Animals are more attuned to the spiritual than humans, but they can't see us! He's probably sensing you!" Botan's voice was faint. She'd drifted upwards quite a ways. She could probably see half the city from up there.

Yusuke found herself walking beside the old dog, staring down at his gray head. He allowed her to, walking in his wobbling circle around the yard. He snuffled at her. She cracked a smile. Yusuke reached down to pet him and her hand passed through his fur.

Despite the tingle of unease at how _weird_ she was being, she resolutely grit her teeth and pantomimed petting the dog. He laid down on his side, tongue lolling lazily, and grinned up at her with his doggy-smile.

"You rascal, you bumming a belly rub from a dead girl?" She asked with a laugh, and repeated the pantomime motion she'd given him. He whined and flopped about, an old dog playing at being a puppy.

His tail gradually stopped wagging and it fell, with a dull thump to the ground.

After a few shuddering breaths that quaked his body like pudding, the dog sagged. The life left his body.

"O-oh," Yusuke croaked. She felt tears gathering in her eyes. She blinked furiously. "Ah, ah, B-BOTAN!" Yusuke screamed.

The ferry girl, despite being so far up, seemed to hear her.

She shot down to the ground on her oar.

Botan's face softened upon seeing the tableau of Yusuke knelt beside the unmoving dog.

"Oh, Yusuke…"

Yusuke stood, shaky, and moved to stand beside her.

"N-now what?"

Botan's hand slipped into Yusuke's own and squeezed it. Yusuke didn't return the squeeze, didn't acknowledge the motion, but she didn't slip her hand away, either.

"We wait. The soul will leave the body soon, and if he's willing, I'll take him to the Underworld. He'll likely go on to paradise, since he's lived a good life."

 _That was good_ , Yusuke thought, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"J-j-JIROU!"

That was a _scream._ It tore at Yusuke's soul. The boy raced past the women, _through_ them, throwing his bag to the ground, screaming and sobbing, shaking his poor dog. When he got no response, he buried his face in his soft fur and cried.

It sounded like his little heart was breaking, and bits of it were sticking in his throat.

Botan raised a sleeve to her mouth and closed her eyes, sadly. She squeezed Yusuke hand again.

Yusuke squeezed back.

She wondered if Botan did this all the time. If she watched the living scream over the dead, over and over, the same story every time. Maybe she was so cheerful because, if she wasn't, she'd be _inconsolable_.

A white light seemed to seep out of the dog's body, coalescing into an orb of sorts with a trailing, effervescent tail. It circled the boy lazily.

"That's him?" She asked softly.

Botan nodded.

"He doesn't seem interested in coming with us," Yusuke diagnosed.

Botan shook her head sadly.

"W-well, can't he stay with his boy? For a little bit?"

"If he lingers in this world for long, he'll be reduced to a wandering animal spirit, unable to pass on. He'll be but a shadow of his former self, in time."

She gulped.

The boy lay on his dog like a dead thing.

"Wh-what about the kid?" Yusuke asked urgently. "He won't—go after him, will he?"

Botan gave Yusuke a tired smile "There are many roads in life, Yusuke. Humans walk the broadest path, generally."

Yusuke wasn't convinced.

Botan's smile got bigger, and her eyes slid closed. She pawed the air like a cat. "Don't worry Yusuke, people that throw themselves off the road like you are _really_ quite rare!"

Yusuke growled half-heartedly. She appreciated the effort to lighten the mood, though, so she didn't smack the ferry girl like she rightly deserved.

The mother had come out while they spoke, and after a moment, she picked her boy up and took him inside. She came out again and laid a blanket over their dog. She'd probably have to call somebody to take the body. Maybe they'd cremate it.

"I'm afraid his path may be fraught with calamities," Botan sighed. "He's already being bullied. I saw it on the road from above. His longings will taint his character, and his soul will be sad and small. All happiness colored bittersweet, all sadness an unending ache."

That sounded awful, Yusuke thought. If he was never happy again, that dog would never move on. It was like two souls were condemned for no goddamn reason. Neither the kid nor the dog deserved this, but it was gonna happen.

No, actually.

No it wasn't.

Yusuke smiled. Then she grinned.

A positively wicked grin.

She was already known for her unconventional afterlife wasn't she? She'd been kicked off her path. Why not do the same?

"Hey Botan!" Yusuke's voice was excited and evil. Botan looked vaguely frightened. "Let's give this kid a swift kick in the rear!"

Botan's eyes widened. And widened further as Yusuke explained her plan. It was a bare bones kinda thing, something she'd just made up on the fly, and Botan filled in some (okay, most) of the details she was missing, but the ferry girl looked…disbelieving, yet hopeful. Almost mischievous.

She'd never thought of doing something like this before, of trying to turn the wheel of fate by her own hand. Technically, it was against the rules for _her._ But not, as the girl pointed out, for Yusuke.

She truly was one of a kind.

—

"Jirou!" Shouta called, walking through a dusty landscape.

There were rocks piled high, like little trees, but there wasn't a living thing around for miles. He felt light and airy, like he wasn't really there. But he could feel the rocks beneath his naked feet.

Why was he wandering around in his pajamas?

Oh, right, he was looking for Jirou. Was he lost?

"Jirou!" Shouta shouted again. He felt anxious, for some reason. He _really_ had to find the dog. There was something important about it. Something he couldn't remember.

There was a faint whine, and Shouta zeroed in on it.

His dog was straining against a leash, held in the grip of the tallest girl he'd ever seen in his life. Her face was sharp and her long hair was tied back in a high ponytail that accentuated how very, well, _scary_ her face was. He knew he shouldn't judge people by how they looked, but she had on an impressive red cloak, with a single spiked shoulder pad.

He thought it was okay to assume she was a bad person.

The collar and leash were also scary looking, with similar spikes. He felt anger bubbling up inside him.

"Wh-what are you doing to my dog?"

His voice came out weak and shaking. He wouldn't be surprised if she didn't hear him at all.

She did.

She turned her head to look at him, like it would be too much effort to move anything else. She cocked an eyebrow.

"What do you mean, _your_ dog?" She placed a hand on her hip, yanking hard on the leash. Jirou yelped and stumbled. He gasped. "This is _my_ dog!"

"No, no," Shouta whispered. He gathered his strength and spoke, "He's my dog! He's my Jirou!"

"Oh yeah?" She asked. She was turning to him now. She really was scary. And tall. She leaned down to look him in the face, hair falling over the shoulder without spikes. Her curling smile was really sharp, at the edges. Her canines looked like Jirou's, big and capable of tearing into the meat they had occasionally fed him.

"Then why is he on my leash?" She blew in his face. Shouta flinched backwards.

But he didn't back down.

"He's—He's mine! You can't put him on a leash, he's not yours! You just did that!"

"You're so annoying," she said, easily, and she shoved him in the shoulder. He stumbled and fell.

That _hurt_.

She was just like Kita and Ryou. She was a bully, and she was stronger and bigger, and she could do whatever she wanted and he couldn't do anything. He was scared. He was weak.

She looked down at him imperiously. Jirou struggled uselessly against her iron grip.

"This dog was trapped in this world by his longing to protect you and stop your awful sniveling! I'm just saving him from eternal wandering! This dog missed his chance to go to _heaven_ because of you," she informed him, a look of distaste wrinkling her nose. Like the word 'heaven' had cost her something to say. "He's going back to hell with me, because he's mine now! If you caused him so much hardship, you don't _deserve_ him."

Shouta blinked. His crying…had hurt Jirou? He opened his mouth but no sound came out. He hadn't meant to hurt Jirou! He would never do that on purpose!

"It-it's…my fault?" He whispered.

She laughed, a high, evil laugh. "That's right, it's all your fault! And he's gonna _suffer_ for it! I'm the hell-escort! I can do whatever I want, whenever I want."

"N-no, please, I promise," Shouta said as he scrambled to his feet and grabbed at her red cloak. "I promise I won't cry anymore! Please let him go! He doesn't deserve this!"

"He's going to hell," she said with finality, tugging at the lead.

"No!" Shouta countered, louder. "I beg you to spare him! I'm begging you!"

She yanked her cloak from his grip and tugged at the leash again. "C'mon you stupid mutt! We're going!"

Jirou whined and strained.

"Irritating!" She hissed at it. She _kicked_ him!

 _She_ _kicked Jirou._

Shouta, furious, grabbed her cloak and yanked at it. "Don't bully Jirou!"

Furious, she shoved him, much harder than before.

"He's my dog now, you little brat!" She hissed. "I'll do whatever I damn well please! I'll bully him! I'll beat him! I'll cook him up and eat him if I want to!"

She kicked Jirou again and again. The dog whined, but didn't budge. He was withstanding her.

No, he was standing up to her. Her efforts were futile. Even if she was strong, Jirou was stronger. Because he was standing up to her.

Shouta gulped, and he clenched his fists, standing up.

"I," he began. He grit his teeth, and began again, louder: "I WON'T LET YOU BULLY JIROU!"

He rushed her, pounding at her stomach with his little fists. Even if he couldn't do anything, if he never tried, he wouldn't know if he could beat her. She was big and strong, but Jirou was old and weak, and he was stronger than her!

"Jirou is a good dog!" Shouta was crying, but his resolve was strong. He hit her again and again. "He comforts me! He loves me! He's done nothing but good, he doesn't deserve to go to hell! This is all my fault! If anyone is going to hell it should be me!"

The girl withstood his onslaught for a moment. It was like he was hitting a brick wall. His fists hurt.

Then, she stumbled, and she fell. She let go off the leash.

"Oh no," She said, clutching her stomach. "Your feelings are so powerful! How is this possible! I-I've been defeated?"

She stood on shaking legs. It looked like she was really weakened!

"Your resolve is good, kid," she told him. "But don't let it falter, or I'll be back for my dog."

"Get out of here!" He shouted. "Even if I'm bullied, I won't ever cry again! I'll be strong for Jirou!"

The hell-escort smiled at him.

He blinked.

Then there was a radiant light. He turned to see Jirou standing beside another woman. This one was beautiful, with hair like it was powdered with the sky. Her eyes were like candy, gooey and warm and pink. She wore a beautiful kimono.

"I was waiting for those words, Shouta," she told him, petting Jirou's head. The collar had disappeared. "If you hold that resolve, you'll be alright even on your own. That's what Jirou believes. He can happily head toward paradise now, I thank you."

The light was getting brighter. The woman and Jirou were walking towards it. It was so bright their forms were consumed by it, and he couldn't see them anymore.

"Jirou," Shouta whispered.

"Jirou!" Shouta called, though he couldn't see the dog, "I promise! I'll be strong, so don't worry about me! Definitely!"

"Definitely…"

"Definitely," the sleeping boy mumbled, curling up against his pillow. "I'll do…my best."

Unseen, two spirits smiled at each other over his bed. One slipped away to transport Jirou to the afterlife.

The other, sat by his bedside, to watch over his dreams and ensure he rested well.

 **[this has been the Yusuke and Botan show. written like birthing a dead cow—unnatural, painful, and bone-crushingly disappointing. signing off!]**


	8. float on

_"…you just laughed it off and it was all okay…"_

 **From The Ashes**

 _seven, float on by modest mouse_

 **V**

"I can't believe we're still doing this," Yusuke groused.

She had all but given up the pretense of not being involved in this little scheme of Botan's. The deadline was fast approaching for Kuwabara. This was the final night of hard studying he could do before the Science final in the morning. To her surprise, he'd gotten through the material _twice_. Even _she_ was learning things by virtue of listening to him mumble while he studied.

As Kuwabara meandered down the streets, nose stuck in a book, she kept an eye out for cars or thugs. Honestly, no matter how smart he got, Kuwabara would still be an idiot.

Botan was smiling like the cat that got the canary. Yusuke promptly informed her that if Kuwabara died, he'd be able to bother her. She couldn't let that happen.

Botan didn't look swayed.

Usually when they had seen Kuwabara safely to his home, she and Botan split so Botan could make with her ferrying duties. Yusuke didn't particularly enjoy watching her speak to dead animals or investigate weird vibes, but she didn't complain too loud about having something to _do._ Yusuke had never realized how many hours there were in the night when she just had to sleep through it. Her spirit self never seemed tired, except after that freaky glowing episode.

Even then, she hadn't needed to _sleep_ , just wait.

She just didn't need to. It wasn't like she was _alive_ right now. How freaky.

Now, however, with the tension running so high, Yusuke couldn't bear to leave. This was where Botan and Yusuke would settle their bet, after all. The climax of the plot.

Kuwabara opened the door to his house and, for the first time, Yusuke followed him inside. He reached through her to close the door, eyes still trained on his review guide.

"I'm home!" He called out, stepping out of his shoes and making his way to the staircase.

"Welcome back." Yusuke was startled by the drawling voice of an older woman. Her light brown hair was long and lustrous. With a cigarette dangling from her mouth, she reminded Yusuke of a younger Atsuko. There was no way this beautiful woman was Kuwabara's _mother_ , she refused to believe it.

"Still reading, huh? Have you deciphered those strange symbols yet, or you want me to finally teach you how to read?"

This startled a snort out of Yusuke. It was caustic, but there was a wry affection in the woman's tone. She smiled lazily at the orange-headed boy.

"Bite me, sis," Kuwabara mumbled, making it to the stairs.

She snickered.

So this was Kuwabara's sister? She didn't even know the lug had a sister. Yusuke, despite herself, found that she was mesmerized by the easy grace with which the older Kuwabara sibling moved. She wandered after her when she turned to the kitchen.

"I better make him some snacks," the woman said. Yusuke jerked, surprised. But she didn't seem to be speaking to Yusuke. She was addressing the fridge as she opened it, scanning its contents. "He's so singleminded–he'll forget to eat for all his studying. What a dumbass."

Yusuke couldn't help but agree.

"He's a good kid, though," the woman said.

Yusuke glided out of the room and up the stairs. Their parents (or parent perhaps) didn't seem to be home. If Kuwabara the elder was old enough, maybe _she_ was Kuwabara's guardian. That kind of thing happened sometimes.

Yusuke was sort of surprised at how little she knew about her self-proclaimed rival. She saw so much of him, she just assumed she'd known all there was to know. The house was pretty nice, cozy though it was two stories. Kuwabara's room was easy to find. He'd set himself up at a barren little desk and was working through problem sets.

Yusuke, feeling oddly subdued, sat against the headboard of his bed and watched him work.

 _Kuwabara,_ Yusuke thought to herself. He was such a big guy, for a middle schooler. He had a broad back and he was fit. She knew that from digging her fists into his muscles time and time again.

What had her mother said, about her father all those years ago? When Yusuke asked why the man she could remember only by a smell and a broad, dependable back no longer visited them. _Can't you depend on my back, too, Yusuke? It's not as broad, but my shoulders are strong enough._

A broad, dependable back.

She sighed and closed her eyes. Appearances could be deceiving. She knew that better than anyone.

The door opened quietly and she heard the shuffle of feet as Kuwabara-elder brought in the snacks she'd made. If Yusuke focused, she could smell them, but not in the same way as when she'd been alive. There was no visceral reaction to the presence of _food._ Just a smell, like any other, with no sentiment attached.

Yusuke didn't need to eat. She was so light, if she forgot, she could float up, up, away from the world. She could spend eternity staring down at a muddy blue marble, passing the years away. Botan said they lost souls that way. They stopped thinking very much. They stopped being human. They were just energy, by the end, just wisps of spirit too spread out to come back together.

Yusuke didn't like being so light. She missed the comforting anchor of her own muscles. The rock solid reassurance of her lean arms crossed over her chest. Yusuke had been _powerful_. She had been in control of herself. She never glowed or bubbled or lost bits of herself. Her feet had been firmly planted on the ground.

Yusuke thought, if she tried, she could gain more control. Botan had taught her how to change her appearance. The form she held was really just a projection of what she remembered being. That was why she wore her school uniform, rather than being naked, or in a yukata or something like that. She could rearrange her appearance, if she really tried. Old spirits looked less and less like themselves as they lost the memory of their bodies.

It was part of the difficulty of revival, Botan had said. Even now, she was degrading. They had to make her spirit match up with her body again. That took some doing.

Botan had told her to picture herself in her minds eye. Her true self, what she remembered being, whenever she could. It could only help, right.

"Don't forget to sleep, okay, bro? If you fall asleep during your test, this past week will have been bunk."

"Yeah, yeah, thanks for the food," Kuwabara's voice answered softly. "Good night, Shizuru."

"Good night."

There was a pause, but then the elder left, and the door closed.

The only sound was the scratch of Kuwabara's pencil and the soft, barest tick of a clock.

She breathed in, deeply, and out.

She wasn't really taking in air. She'd noticed some time ago. Botan said it was just a holdover, something the spirit did because it thought it should be doing it. She could stop breathing now and it wouldn't affect her at all.

But Yusuke thought she could still feel the rush of _something_ , though maybe it wasn't exactly air, flowing in through her nose, filling her up inside, and rushing back out. She imagined it filling her up as though she was empty of all organs and tissues. All that fleshy stuff wasn't really there, anyway. She imagined herself like a cup filling up with light.

Then she exhaled and it all rushed out again.

She could feel a darkness. Warm and tender, like something familiar. Like the shushing of the womb. That darkness wasn't anything awful. It was what she was, inside, without anything else. The light was outside, the darkness inside. But they weren't so different, when she felt them mingle together inside her. She pushed the light out.

Yusuke breathed.

She pulled it in, felt the balance of light and dark as it tipped, tipped, tipped into light, then pushed again and retook the dark places.

She pictured her body. She always looked so slender, a willow tree in the breeze. But her muscles were so solid, her stance firm, her center of gravity lower by necessity than a man's. She knew how to bend with the blows, but she could stand and take them too.

Yusuke pictured her powerful body, and ached for lack of it.

A loud snore broke her concentration and chased the image away. Yusuke hissed.

That was the best she'd ever done! Botan had taught her the exercise shortly after the episode with Jirou when she'd taught Yusuke how to change the shape of her aura to form things like different clothes or leashes and collars. It wasn't really anything but the energy of her spirit, she just sort of… _willed_ it to look different.

The explanation Botan had given had been confusing, as she expected. But once she'd gotten the gist of it, it had been simple enough. Yusuke had a lot of willpower.

Now if only she was as good as observing as she was at forcing, she'd be Botan's star pupil.

She bounced off the bed and hopped onto the back of Kuwabara's chair. The guy had buried his head in his arms and was drooling all over his work.

 _Ugh_ , Yusuke grimaced. "C'mon, dumbass, don't give up yet! Your test is tomorrow!"

But he had to sleep, Shizuru had been right about that.

Too bad he couldn't study in his sleep.

Yusuke snorted. Holy shit, had she really just thought that? Of course he could study in his sleep. What was she, a ghost?

Yusuke reached for him, like she had reached for Keiko. She felt herself aligning with him, and suddenly she was in a sparkling void, a shifting mass of color and light.

What a weird dream. Or perhaps he wasn't dreaming yet. She walked for a ways, examining the ever-changing colors around her.

Kuwabara seemed to appear out of nowhere, sleeping on a desk covered in books just like he was in his room. His image of himself, maybe? Before the dream came to change things. Well, she was in charge of this dream.

"Hey, numbnuts, up and at 'em! Time to seize the day, or whatever!"

Kuwabara jolted awake, and he was on his feet and in a fighting stance before she could even react.

She couldn't help but smile at the familiarity of it.

"Urameshi! Come to challenge me, huh? Well, I won't let you off so easy, this time!"

"Oh please, like you could beat me?" She reached for one of the books and waved it in his face. "You can't even beat a test!"

He snatched it from her hands. "I was studying that! Before you interrupted me!"

He flipped the book open to the page he'd left off on. Yusuke was surprised to see that all the problems were the same. Well, he'd already been through the book once or twice, so maybe his subconscious remembered all of it, even if he didn't.

Or something like that. Yusuke knew better than to question dream logic.

She watched him work for a time, flipping through one of the other reference guides.

"What's the reason for the color of red blood cells?" She asked.

He blinked up from his problems. "Ah, they…they collect oxygen right?"

"What causes the pigmentation?" She tried again.

"Hemoglobin!" He said triumphantly, pointing his pencil at her.

"Not bad, you lump. Maybe you won't do too badly after all!"

"Yeah, and when I ace this test I'll come back and kick your butt!"

"Sure, sure," she waved off his ridiculous claim. "One mountain at a time, champ."

"You…you'll be here, still, right?" Kuwabara asked, suddenly looking down at his book. He seemed embarrassed.

She blinked.

"I–I dream about you sometimes," he muttered. She made an aborted sound, like a disgusted snort she hadn't thought about making yet. Then he looked up, frantically waving his hands before him, "N-not anything weird like _that_ or anything, you know! But—but…it's you, but I know, I know it isn't _you_. You're talking to me, or we're fighting, or we're just sitting there and we're together but it's…It's just me, wanting you to be there."

She didn't know what to say. She opened her mouth but no sound came out.

"I—I really miss you, Urameshi," he whispered. "It's different without you. You were…you made things different, just by being there. I don't know if you're just visiting, or if you've been with me the whole time, or what, but I know this is _the real you_."

Yusuke snorted. "Of course it's me, stupid, who else would I be? Enough with this, don't you have to science this shit?"

He laughed.

"Yeah, I'm gonna kick this exam's butt, just you wait! I gotta, for Okubo and the guys. And for you."

She smiled and turned the page. "What happens to light as it passes through a prism?"

Kuwabara was so weird.

After a while, the connection slipped away, and she let Kuwabara get some actual sleep, sitting on his desk and watching the night sky. Dawn came bleeding into the sky, and Shizuru once again visited the room.

She stared at her little brother with a smile.

And her eyes raised from his form to look at her.

Yusuke flinched.

Because Shizuru _was_ looking at her, not through her. The woman bowed ever so slightly.

"Thanks for taking care of my little brother."

"Ye-yeah," Yusuke choked out, bowing as well, unable to take her eyes off the woman.

Holy shit.

Shizuru shook her brother awake, admonished him for sleeping at his desk, and told him to wake himself up with a shower while she made breakfast.

Then, she left the room.

As Kuwabara began rooting around for day clothes, Yusuke decided she should make her escape as well. She had no desire to be a peeping tom. Peeping jane? Whatever, she definitely didn't want to see a naked Kuwabara. The mere idea of it sent her into violent shudders.

She met up with Botan outside the house. The ferry girl seemed fresh as a daisy, practically bouncing on her oar.

"So! How'd it go? Did he study well?" She asked. She crinkled her eyes at Yusuke. "Finally ready to admit I'm right?"

"Freaky obsession does not friendship make, Botan. Let's just get to school. We've gotta see who the test comes out."

Botan left well enough alone, but she had been getting increasingly smug over the past weak, and she looked especially pleased today.

What a jerk. Yusuke should smack her.

They floated above, watching the students pass by on their way to school. It was kind of fun to watch all the blue outfits merging together as they got closer to the school. She wondered what it would look like, from above, to watch her join them in her jade green skirt and tie.

Yusuke pointed out some people she knew. And Botan was, of course, quick to point to Keiko and say _oh be careful, Yusuke, don't let her tempt you now!_ Yusuke really did smack her then. Botan, of course, threatened to report her, clutching her injured head.

Yusuke just laughed.

She wasn't really sure how much of what she did Botan actually reported on, but she doubted it was as much as she said.

The children filed to their classrooms, a bleached pompadour conspicuous among them. Yusuke and Botan settled in by the window and watched with bated breath as the test began.

It wasn't a boring scene. Kuwabara was incredibly expressive, making the funniest faces when he couldn't figure something out, and making exaggerated gestures relief and triumph when he knew something. Yusuke attempted to copy one of his "I'm so confused, I'm in pain" faces, and Botan laughed so hard she snorted. Her admonishment wasn't nearly so effective after that.

Kuwabara got through the test rather quickly, mostly because he skipped ones he knew he didn't know. He checked his answers, multiple times, each time looking more excited than the last. When the test ended, he quickly pulled out his science book and checked the answers himself.

The look of joy on his face would have been heartwarming, if he didn't look like he was about to pass out from relief.

Botan smiled at Yusuke, and Yusuke grinned at her. They high-fived.

"Oh, I knew he could do it!"

"All that studying paid off after all!"

The spirit girls joined him in the hall with his friends, each excitedly confirming their own scores. There was a variety, from Sawamura who was sure he scored in the 80s to Okubo who tentatively termed his score a 60. Kuwabara was adamant.

"I definitely scored a 53, I wrote all the answers down and checked them after the test."

There was a wash of relief through the whole group.

Okubo had tears in his eyes.

"Another story ends well, huh, Yusuke?"

"I'm just glad it's over. Can we leave the idiot alone now?"

"What, you're still not admitting you're his friend? After you helped him study and everything!"

"How would you know, you weren't there!"

"Oh? Then what _were_ you doing in a young boy's bedroom so late at night, young lady?"

Yusuke snorted and punched Botan playfully in the arm. The ferry girl giggled.

"I'm so sorry, Okubo, but I'll have to revoke your permission after all. Such a shame, but a promise is a promise."

Yusuke froze.

She hadn't heard Akashi show up, but she should have smelled him. He reeked of self-satisfaction.

"Wh-what?" The boy in question looked flabbergasted. Yusuke was pretty confused herself.

"What the hell is he talking about? Botan?" Yusuke looked askance to the ferry girl but the woman shook her head, seeming as bewildered as she was.

"B-but we all scored more than fifty points!"

" _Almost_ all of you did, I'm afraid." Akashi put on an exaggerated sad face. "But one of you was just one question off. It's really awful, but a promise is a promise. I can't break my word."

He passed them their tests, and turned to leave. They hurriedly sorted out who's was who's. Okubo, Sawamura, Kirishima all reported their scores to be well above fifty. Kuwabara stared, shocked, at the red 48, underlined twice.

"There's no way," he murmured, scanning through the answer boxes.

"It–it's okay, Kuwabara," Okubo tried to assure him. "Thank you for trying so hard, anyway. There's no helping it, I'll try to find a job that won't ask my school's permission."

He wouldn't have a lot of luck with that, Yusuke knew. She couldn't even broach the subject of getting a job to the school; it would be reputation suicide to them. And very few reputable jobs would allow a middle schooler to work without a permit.

"No," Kuwabara said. "No, I'm sure I got a 53. I _checked_. I…I–I filled in this answer."

"What?" Sawamura asked, startled, and unknowingly in concert with the ghost girl at his side.

"The last answer! I know I answered it! It was a really simple one, I remembered studying it. It's been erased!"

Then, again, angrier than Kuwabara had ever, ever sounded before. " _It's_ been **_erased_**!"

And he took off like an arrow down the hall, after the teacher. His gang was left in his dust, but the spirit shot after him, keeping pace at his side.

"Kuwabara! Kuwabara, what the hell do you think you're gonna do, huh?"

But he couldn't hear her anyway. Akashi wasn't nearly lucky enough to be back in the teacher's lounge already. And there didn't seem to be a student around who would go for help.

Yusuke was almost scared that Kuwabara was going to kill him. She'd never seen Kuwabara like this before.

He grabbed the teacher roughly by the shoulder forcing him to turn around. Akashi must have realized that something in his brilliant plan hadn't been accounted for because his face went white as a sheet when he looked into Kuwabara's eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but Kuwabara had grabbed him by the lapel and was pulling back his fist.

Yusuke grabbed his arm, holding him back.

"KUWABARA!" She screamed. "Don't you dare! I know you want to deck this guy, _trust me_ , I understand. But you punch him right now, you're gonna lose more than Okubo's job! Don't let this asshole win, Kuwabara!"

Kuwabara didn't move. His face was still thunderous rage, the veins in his fist bulging with effort, but he didn't move to complete his attack.

"C'mon Kuwabara," she coaxed. "You know this won't solve anything. Okubo is still counting on you. If you hurt this teacher, he's gonna have bigger problems than losing his job."

The fist was unclenching, lowering slightly.

"Kuwabara, stop!" Another voice joined the fray. Takenaka. She'd never been more happy to see him. In a rare moment of insight, Kuwabara's friends had gone to get a teacher. Probably, they knew they couldn't stop Kuwabara on their own.

"Ah-ha," Akashi laughed, color suffusing his face as relief flooded through his frame. "Ha! How barbaric, going to attack me! It would have been all over if you had, you know! But this doesn't change anything, you still scored what you scored and a deal's a deal!"

"Oh, I don't know about that, Professor Akashi," Takenaka said, almost conversationally. "I think there were a few errors in your grading system. I'm sure, if I check it over, Kuwabara will have scored fifty-three points."

" _Fuck_ yeah, Takenaka!" Yusuke whooped.

"He-he will have?" Akashi asked, startled. Takenaka's hand, big enough to wring that rat's scrawny neck, closed on the back of it.

"Indeed, he will have," the teacher said. "Kuwabara, consider your friend's job safe. Well done, young man, working so hard to help your friends. I hope you'll continue with that work ethic in the future."

Kuwabara and the rest of the gang bowed to Takenaka, looking for all the world like they were bowing to a god.

"Thank you very much, sir."

"It's no trouble. As vice principle, it's my job to correct wrongs and mete out punishments. Run along now."

They made a getaway, not willing to risk their luck. Teachers weren't usually so understanding. Yusuke moved after them, but not before hearing what Takenaka whispered to Akashi.

"Barbaric doesn't _begin_ to describe _your actions_ , **sir**. You're quite lucky I don't _punish_ you in Kuwabara's _place_."

Yusuke beat her own retreat, laughing to herself. Takenaka really was in a class of his own.

Botan was waiting anxiously for her where she'd been left behind. Yusuke filled her in on the details of the encounter as they followed the boys outside. The sun was sinking to the horizon.

Yusuke couldn't believe how well that had actually gone.

It was slightly perplexing, however.

"I thought he couldn't hear or see us, Botan. How'd I get him to stop?"

"Well, he likely didn't really know what you were saying. But you were in complete concord so your point got across. Your feelings connected!" Botan's eyes glimmered like jewels.

"Botan, that's disgusting." She deadpanned.

Ignoring her, Botan twirled in the air, hands clasped together. "Oh, Kuwabara is so devoted to his friends!"

Something clicked.

 _Oh._

She sat on Botan's oar, head reeling. She stared down at her hands, then through her fingers at the redheaded menace that had plagued her every day since elementary school. He was joking and laughing with his friends. The tension that had been building all week had drained from his body, and he looked like a larger-than-average, uglier-than-average middle school boy, laughing and joking around.

Someone caring and friendly, who stuck his neck out for his friends even when he should keep his nose in his own business.

 _Oh._

Kuwabara had decided to become her friend. Yusuke was not a friendly sort, but he hadn't been dissuaded by her mean exterior or her cutting words. He wasn't a wimp like that. He'd gone after her whenever he could. She realized, perhaps he had approached her with the intent to make friends and realized that she…she just couldn't connect with people, that way.

He'd come to understand the way she worked, and he'd cobbled together a method of existing in her life. Even if she was contemptuous of him, even if she thought she was better than him (because she was stronger, because she wasn't like him, wasn't emotionally weak like that, wasn't weak at all).

He wouldn't let her be alone.

Even when Keiko was drifting away. Even when her mother was buried in alcohol and Keiko wasn't coming over every weekend any more and everyone was so _fucking_ scared of her that they _hated_ her, they wouldn't even talk to her.

He was there. He'd never left. Every day, every other day, He hadn't left her alone.

He hadn't _let_ her _be_ alone.

He had become her friend in the only way he could think to do it. By getting in her face, taking her blows, every day.

She _knew_ nobody was that stupid. Nobody would throw themselves at her simmering rage like a sacrificial offering every day in the misguided notion that they _could win one day._ Even Kuwabara was smarter than that.

 _Oh._

He didn't have to win, though he may like to. He just had to get her to acknowledge he was there. Remind her that she wasn't alone.

It wasn't because he didn't think she was a girl, or that he'd started with her before he worked out his code, or something like that. She was willing to bet that Kuwabara had tried to go easy on her, at one point, before realizing that Yusuke was a force to be reckoned with and he had to give his all.

He was literally fighting for her attention. Connecting with her in the only way she'd ever allow.

Kuwabara was a lot smarter than those stupid teachers gave him credit for.

She felt like her face was on fire.

 _Kuwabara was her friend._

"Yusuke?" Botan asked, placing a hand against her shoulder. "Is something wrong?"

Yusuke shook her head.

"I'm just an idiot, Botan."

"Oh."

Botan didn't really know what to say to that.

 **[Kuwabara finally gets noticed by senpai. Good for him.]**


	9. like a river runs

_"…what i lost in you i will not replace…"_

 **From The Ashes**

 _eight, like a river runs by the bleachers_

 **V**

Keiko dreamed of Yusuke these days, more often than not.

There was no clarity to these dreams, however, and no messages. Bizarre images and strange scenarios, jigsaw pieces with hard edges that fragmented into infinity, populated her sleeping world. Sometimes she saw Yusuke in the mirror when she was brushing her hair, and then she would realize that _she_ was the one in the mirror and that Yusuke couldn't even see her. She would pound on the glass until her fists were bloody but it was no use.

Sometimes she watched Yusuke's death. It played out in grotesque, unreal slow motion. Yusuke saved a balloon doll from being crushed under a car and then broke against the windshield, blood washing down the sides and on to the street.

It was ridiculous. She hadn't been there; she hadn't seen it.

And that was the sticking point– _she hadn't been there, if she had just been there then maybe, maybe maybe_.

Keiko thought she could drive herself mad like this, imagining all the scenarios in which she was there. She had an awful suspicion that Yusuke would have run into that street even if she'd pleaded and begged. Yusuke always did what she wanted. No one else could ever tell her otherwise.

Of course, that realization came with its own plethora of frightening nightmares, ones she'd wake up from sweating bullets and clenching the sheets, half-sobbing her friend's name into stagnant air.

Needless to say, Keiko had not been getting a lot of sleep lately. She studied more instead. She had to keep her grades up.

 _Distracting herself,_ her mother whispered to her father.

 _Dedicated, an inspiration_ , her teachers sighed.

 _Despairing,_ she thought, writing it out in English. And then in German. She practiced her conjugation and wrote words in the margins as they came to her. _Desperate. Depressed. Deceased._

 _"That's me, not you, goofball,"_ Yusuke's voice drifted over her shoulder. Her hair fell over the paper, long and so black it seemed to absorb light rather than reflect it. Keiko brushed it away. It was covering the 'vast' in _devastated._

 _Dying,_ she penned. The ink was red as blood. A splash of the liquid rained down on the corner of the page.

 _"Maybe,"_ Yusuke teased. She felt a hand on her own, but couldn't see one. It curled around her palm, and she dropped the pen. She felt fingers slide through her own. _"You don't_ really _know, huh? Am I dead, am I alive? Am I in-between? Is that why you're so down? I'm just one big mystery you can't solve."_

 _Down,_ Keiko wrote in Yusuke's suggestion with her other hand. It was shakier, but still legible. It was a good word, nice and short, but it still carried the connotation she wanted.

 _"You ever wonder if I like that? The way you look at me, like I'm a problem? Maybe that's why I died. All because of you."_

 _Dead_ , Keiko wrote. The blood wasn't the only thing dripping now. Water distorted ink. How had she missed a thing so obvious?

Despite the amused tone her voice carried, there was steel in Yusuke's next words. It had always been a talent of hers, being two things at once. Saying something and meaning something else. She had a way of being frightening without being overbearing. She made it seem effortless. Like it was part of who she was.

 _Dissonant_.

 _"It's not_ always _about you, Keiko."_

"Keiko?"

Keiko started awake, tongue curled around Yusuke's name before she could even remember where she was. _Who_ she was. There was a burning in her neck like she'd gotten whiplash, but she knew it was embarrassment as the realization set in.

She'd fallen asleep looking over her notes. No wonder she'd had that strange dream.

Emi and Natsuko were staring down at her, concerned.

Keiko's brain finally rebooted and she jolted up from her seat.

"Oh no, how long have I been—?"

"Don't worry," Natsuko consoled her, "We took the forms to the teachers' lounge and finished cleaning while you dozed."

"Oh no, you shouldn't have to do—"

"Seriously Keiko!" Emi laughed. It was almost eerie how they picked up her train of thought and dismissed her agitation so easily. "You deserve some rest! It seems like you do everything around here. You've earned like, twenty percent of Teacher's salary for him!"

Keiko giggled, aware that she really _should_ admonish Emi for her disrespect. It just proved their point. Keiko really _was_ tired.

That didn't mean Keiko let Natsuko carry her bag, however, no matter how persuasive she was. The class representative needed to maintain _some_ dignity at least. What was left of it, anyway, after she'd drooled all over her notes.

They walked home together more often than not. Nowadays, it seemed they were determined to stick to her side.

It was _nice_ to chat with her friends about inane things, like last night's episode of that new drama or the latest song by such and such artist. These were things she had cared about before, Keiko remembered, and she was trying desperately to reinvigorate herself.

It all just seemed so…dull. Pallid, unimportant, frivolous.

Everyone looked at her like she was about to break and they didn't know why. Keiko tried to be the person she had been just a few weeks ago and, for the most part, she thought she fooled them.

But how could she care about things like actors or gossip when the picture frame over her desk held the same image she'd seen on an altar?

Her best friend was dead.

Keiko had said it to herself, over and over again, these past few weeks. Urameshi Yusuke is dead. She got hit by a car. She is dead. Yusuke is dead. She said it every night before she went to sleep. She said it when she paused to stretch between homework assignments. She said it as she stared down at Yusuke's still breathing body.

Because that was Yusuke, but it wasn't.

Yusuke's spirit wasn't in that body, and it wouldn't be for quite some time. Maybe for weeks, maybe for years.

Yusuke was dead, but she was coming back.

Keiko thought that was the only thing that kept her getting out of bed every day. It didn't matter if it was all some delusion. It was _hope_. It was what she _had_.

Keiko didn't know how anyone could live like this. Live _with_ this. She knew how to say 'agony' in three different languages, and yet for the first time, she felt like she actually understood what it meant.

And hers was _coming back_.

"Oh Keiko," Natsuko's voice drew her from her thoughts. Keiko turned expectantly toward her, a false smile ready on her lips. The small girl with the mussy black bob was cleaning her glasses on her kerchief, staring with something warm and caring in her eyes.

"You really miss her."

Keiko tried to swallow, but her throat was suddenly bone dry.

The air was too heavy to move in and out of her lungs.

"I know it's been a while but…you know, you're allowed to be," Emi struggled with her words, fighting to voice what they'd been avoiding for so long. " _Sad,_ you know. You're allowed to be depressed! You're allowed to miss her, I mean, god, we didn't _like_ her, but she was your childhood friend! She was important to you!"

Natsuko clutched at Keiko's arm, nodding vigorously.

"No matter what, Keiko, we're your friends and we will always support you!"

Keiko gave them both a wobbly nod, not trusting her voice. They were so good to her. She didn't deserve friends like them. She was practically lying, after all. She couldn't tell her friends that Yusuke's dead body had suddenly started living again. That she might come back to life. They'd think she was crazy.

Maybe she was.

This was the sort of thing you'd see in a fairy tale or something. It was like it wasn't even _reality_.

Emi, good and wonderful Emi, took hold of the conversation and steered it back to safer topics, assured that Keiko knew she had support.

"Did you see that special about the hidden message in K-TV's Christmas Broadcast?"

"Oh, yeah, I saw that!" Natsuko chimed in, always willing to go with the flow. "It's totally true!"

"No way," Emi rebutted, more for the sake of argument than any actual knowledge to the contrary.

"It is!" Keiko affirmed. She felt a little lighter, just a bit. These were her friends. They may not have understood entirely but they wouldn't let her suffer in silence.

That was what friends did. If…When Yusuke returned, Keiko vowed to be a better one. She would not let their bonds rot like they had. She was just as guilty as Yusuke was–she hadn't been making an effort, content just to let their history speak for itself. She had expected their relationship to be preserved, the essence of what it was, even as Yusuke grew from that rambunctious tomboy into a lean, graceful girl.

When had Yusuke started wearing makeup? She didn't know. She wanted to know.

It would take time, but they would come back together. Something new, something improved. Something elastic enough to change with them.

"No way, it can't be true!" Emi and Natsuko had continued the meaningless argument, allowing their friend to be alone with her thoughts, though never _alone_.

Keiko smiled warmly.

It wasn't perfect. She was still raw and aching. However, she thought she could see what 'better' looked like now, as she walked beside her friends with a promise in her heart.

"It really is though," Natsuko said in a half serious voice. She was walking backwards, giving them the most sincere face Keiko had ever seen. "If you listen really closely to the first few seconds of Round B, there's a booming voice, right? And you hear–"

They were all too focused on Natsuko to see him before it was too late. Keiko had no time to warn her friend before she accidentally clipped a passing teenager. She and the boy stumbled at the same time, falling apart and desperate to stay on their feet.

"I'm so sorry," Natsuko exclaimed, bowing her head quickly. "I should have been watching where I was going!"

The boy's face twisted up in anger. His friend, another teenager his own age, was snickering at the collision. They wore the same uniform, but it wasn't one she recognized. They had the cockscomb hairstyle that was popular with teenage boys these days, Keiko noted, and she felt an awful sinking in her stomach. A realization. Popular with _delinquents._

She was on alert, watching him carefully.

Face reddening at his friend's snickering, the teen shoved Natsuko roughly in the shoulder. Stunned, she hit the ground, hard.

"Don't go around gossiping in the damn street, you ugly hag!"

Natsuko was staring at her scraped up palm. As blood welled through the skin, tears welled up in her eyes.

Keiko saw red.

How dare he hurt a middle school girl! After she'd apologized sincerely!

Emi rushed to her fallen friend's side, making sure she wasn't seriously injured, and Keiko put herself between the two boys and her friends.

"How dare you!" She hissed, too angry to even _try_ to deescalate the situation. "You apologize to her right now!"

The friend was laughing now, entirely too amused at the display. "You better leave it be, girlie, he's _real_ pissed!"

The other delinquent was grinding his teeth, regarding her like she was some kind of bug.

"I'm the one who's pissed," Keiko growled. "How _dare_ you! You'll apologize right now if you know what's good for you!"

Keiko may not have the battle prowess of her childhood friend, but she had grown up beating some sense into Yusuke's head when she needed it. She had a mean right hook. If these jerks wanted to start something, she'd _finish_ it.

"What a noisy witch!" The friend laughed.

The first one said in a sickly sweet, mocking tone, "You think if I kiss her she'll turn back into a princess?"

His friend snorted.

Keiko had enough.

She crossed the distance between them in two long strides, already pulling back her arm to deliver an open-palmed slap that took the delinquent off-balance. He sat down hard, holding his cheek with a look of shock.

"Man, you're bleeding!" His friend cried, pointing at the trickle of blood starting at the corner of his mouth. He'd probably bitten his lip when he fell, Keiko thought. She couldn't bring herself to feel bad about it. He'd made Natsuko bleed for no reason other than his own tantrum.

She felt justified in protecting her friends and herself.

The injured boy stumbled to his feet, lunging towards her. She retreated quickly, holding her bag in front of her like a shield.

"You bitch," he snarled.

"You started it," she defied.

"You _asked_ for it!" He shouted, winding up to punch her.

Keiko tensed, refusing to close her eyes. Yusuke had always kept her on her toes. She knew she couldn't close her eyes or she wouldn't see the blow coming. It had been a long time since she'd suffered Yusuke's 'surprise attacks', but Keiko was no slouch in physical education. She could deflect the force of it with her bag and beat him off with it if necessary. She trusted that her friends would get help before she was in serious trouble.

He didn't get to land a hit–a solid kick from the side sent him sprawling.

Keiko only relaxed when she saw the blue Sarayashiki jumpers. Delinquents could be scary, but they were territorial. She knew these boys were in the class next to hers. They were good guys, despite certain behavioral problems. Nothing worse than Yusuke on her best days, though.

"Our school uniform," Natsuko sighed, relief palpable in her voice. Keiko looked back to her friends. Emi had wrapped Natsuko's bleeding hand with a handkerchief and was holding it between her hands, applying pressure and holding her hand simultaneously. Keiko felt a rush of pride in her friends.

"Don't worry," one of the boys said. She caught his eye and he nodded to her. "We'll take care of these guys. Go ahead and get out of here."

"Thanks so much," Emi exclaimed.

Keiko was torn between going to her friends, getting them out of harms way, and between beating an apology out of that jerk.

"They haven't apologized," she huffed, feeling impotent.

"It's fine," Natusko assured her through giggles, tears still running down her face. "You slapped his face crooked, that's apology enough!"

Emi reached out and Keiko took her hand without hesitation. She _had_ made him bleed after all. She could perhaps leave this quarrel to the delinquents and get her friends away. But it felt like she was abandoning her duty.

Running away from a fight, Yusuke might have said. Keiko didn't want a fight. Keiko wanted justice. She wanted them to acknowledge their mistake and admit it. She looked back at the teens. Their jumpsuits were slightly darker than her own school's, with a collar and lapel that was recognizable.

She locked eyes with both of them. She would remember their faces, and she would not hesitate to persecute them as far as she could if they ever came within twenty feet of her again.

She let Emi take her arm and she wrapped the other around Natsuko.

The typical delinquent bragging and shouting barely registered to her as they walked away, feeling safe with three of their own at their back. Natsuko needed to get that wound cleaned and disinfected. Keiko didn't think it was bad enough to warrant stitches, but it would hurt an awful lot for a while.

"Hey."

The voice made her freeze; it was smug and smarmy, full of self confidence. It slid over her skin like oil and she felt itchy just hearing it.

All three girls turned to see the source of the newcomer's voice, just in time to watch the three Sarayashiki students get dropped by a boy in plainclothes. He was short, with a big head and a face too broad for his body.

He addressed the two delinquents from the other school: "It's been five minutes. I was starting to get worried. Is this what kept you?"

He seemed contemptuous of the idea that the weaklings he'd beaten so easily had given his men such trouble. To emphasize his point, he gave one of the Sarayashiki kids a swift kick in the ribs.

"Dai-chan!"

"I was worried," he continued, kicking the boy like he was a piece of trash lying in the street. "What if I lost years of my life stressing over that? How can you pay that back, huh?"

She wasn't sure if he was talking to his men or the Sarayashiki juniors but he was attacking someone who was clearly down and out.

 _Some guys don't know when to quit_ , Yusuke would hiss upon seeing an uneven fight.

 _Are you going to stop them?_ Keiko had wondered, more wondering to herself than an actual question.

Yusuke had regarded the scene with a distant eye. _Not sure yet. They might bounce back._

It was one of those mysteries that befuddled Keiko. Yusuke would sometimes appear to have high standards in a fight, with lines that she wouldn't cross. But then, a situation would arise, slightly different and yet essentially the same, and she would completely flip positions.

She wasn't a hypocrite, Keiko didn't think. She made sense in a strange way. There were no general principles with Yusuke. Every situation had its own rules and she just seemed to divine them intuitively.

Keiko swallowed heavily.

She didn't have Yusuke's eye for battle etiquette, but she knew this was dangerous.

"Come on, speak up!" He slammed the heel of his shoe into Sawamura's stomach. The boy coughed, curling protectively over the area. A natural reaction but it wouldn't make breathing easier.

"I can't believe these punks kept you," Dai scoffed. He raised his foot for another kick.

Her body was moving before her brain could catch up, but when it did, it approved. Maybe it was the part of her that wouldn't tolerate Yusuke's flighty, flirty avoidance, or maybe it was the part of her that could tolerate her. Whatever it was, it felt right.

She smashed the edge of her book bag into the back of the teen's head before he could land another blow.

"Are you finished yet?" She demanded, brandishing her bag like a weapon. "If you hit them like that, you'll _kill_ them, you brute!"

"Why, you…" Dai massaged his tender skull, giving her a once over.

He rose to his feet and stalked towards her. She made a motion to hit him again, but his hand clenched around her wrist before she'd even managed half a swing. His grip strength was more than she expected. She thought she could feel her bones grinding together. Her wrist was definitely going to bruise.

She made a noise in her throat, like a growl strangled through tears.

He grabbed her chin in his other hand, turning her head like he was admiring a horse. She grimaced. She considered spitting in his face.

"You've got guts, babe," he assured her, fingers pressing bruises into her cheek. She couldn't even open her mouth. "Heh, I think I like you!"

She felt sick.

She felt _powerless_.

It was an awful feeling tearing straight through her lungs and piercing her heart. She found herself desperately trying to recall what Yusuke had said about holds and grapples but she was drawing a blank. She was just _scared_. She couldn't think anything but anger and fear and _Yusuke please please Yusuke._

How could she possibly rely on her that much–the girl she'd pushed away or let push herself away. Keiko wasn't a _weakling_. She'd given Yusuke many a well-deserved black eye. Yusuke, though, was in a class all her own. Incredible, she was almost something straight out of a legend.

She could vanquish any monster, she could _be_ any monster.

 _Yusuke,_ Keiko pleaded fervently, nonsensically.

She had others she could rely on. Emi and Natsuko would go for help, would try to find her no matter what these hooligans did to her. The boys from Sarayashiki weren't likely to give up. If they could still move at all, they'd be doing _something_.

She had to rely on _herself_ too. She needed to think; she needed to find a way out of this. If there was an opportunity, even a slight one, she needed to find it and take it.

Yusuke couldn't do anything for her right now.

"Leave them alone," she commanded, shakily. Her friends, the boys, it didn't matter. She wanted this to _stop_. What a bad situation.

Dai's eyes searched her face as if looking for weakness or fear. Keiko showed neither, unless one counted tears of pain as weakness. Yusuke never had, but this _cockroach_ didn't deserve to be in the same _paragraph_ as her best friend.

"You know what?" he asked. Keiko didn't know what, but she bet whatever 'what' was, it spelled out trouble for her.

"I like you," the delinquent breathed in her face. Keiko had a sudden vision of herself head-butting that enormous forehead and making a run for it. But her friend's presence behind her back, and the boys laid out in the corner of her vision, held her back.

If she were alone, Keiko would have fought tooth and nail, never let this _bastard_ touch her if it wasn't her fist in vital areas. It was always harder to fight for others than for yourself. You made yourself a shield and you couldn't back down, no matter what. You stood between your loved ones and pain.

But you did it. Because you loved them.

Keiko's resolve steadied her shaking hands and hardened her eyes.

The delinquent laughed. "How about you go out with me for a while? We can leave these guys here and go have a fun time."

It wasn't even said like a question, more like a commandment. This guy was used to being obeyed. His voice smacked of arrogance. Keiko wondered what he hoped to get out this arrangement. She wasn't exactly feeling sweet on him at the moment, but boys were impressively stupid when they didn't think with their heads.

Keiko quickly tallied the pros and cons and came to a decision.

It would be easier to fight back when she was the only one in the equation. If she saw an opportunity when the others were safe, she'd make a run for it.

If she couldn't run, she'd fight like cornered lioness.

"That's fine," she informed him coldly.

His two friends gave astonished laughs and he grinned like the Cheshire cat.

"Keiko," Natsuko called, worry dripping from her words.

The girl turned slightly so she could look at her friend and gave her a soft, reassuring smile. "Don't worry about me, Natsuko. I'm sure I'll be just fine. Why don't you go on home without me?"

 _And get help_ went unspoken. Natsuko blinked in confusion before she caught on. She nodded furiously. Emi tried to protest when her friend grabbed her hand and made to pull her away, but she was silenced by a sharp look from both of them.

This was the safest way to get everyone out of danger, Keiko knew. It was awful that she had to play the distraction, but she would do it beautiful.

Dai swung an arm around her shoulder and she tensed up, but didn't throw him off.

 _Bear with it,_ she told herself, _bear with it!_

"That's incredible boss!"

"Ha," Dai laughed loudly in her ear. "Girls love me boys! It's all charisma!"

Oh she'd show him _charisma,_ she was sure of that.

Dai pulled her along and his friends followed, leading them back towards the city.

 **[this was like my own personal hell. i wrote and rewrote this so many times I wanted to print it out, rip it up, and burn it to ashes. every time i thought i was getting somewhere, i locked up and had to start over. so, apologies from hell. the whole story got an update. please enjoy my neuroticism.**

 **this chapter's song is keiko/yusuke anthem btw.]**


	10. dear sons and daughters of hungry ghosts

_"…I got a hand so I got a fist so I got a plan, it's the best that I can do …"_

 **From The Ashes**

 _nine, sons and daughters of hungry ghosts by wolf parade_

 **V**

The blinking, shimmering lights welcomed her into their fold as cheery music danced in the air. Aside from the clinking of balls like bells and the rustling of clothes, everything was quiet and subdued. Nobody cared who came in or what happened, so long as you didn't disturb anybody. Best of all, this parlor rarely checked IDs, and dressed as she was now, Yusuke was sure she wouldn't get carded.

The smell of stale cigarette smoke and disinfectant hit her like a wet rag. She breathed in that familiar scent. It tingled at the back of her neck. Her skin prickled as the heater pushed out the winter cold that was beginning to nip at noses. She luxuriated in the sensation of soft cloth as she pulled off her bomber jacket.

Everything felt so _real_ it was almost too much. It was true what they said, Yusuke decided. You didn't know what you had until it was gone. She'd spent precious hours combing through her mother's closest, through the cupboards, through the linen just _feeling_ and _smelling_ and _knowing_ as if for the first time.

The sheer _weight_ of musculature hanging from solid bone, the myriad and indescribable sensations that accompanied living—she felt like she was punch-drunk and seeing stars. Her senses were edging on overload.

Damn, it was good to be back.

Well.

Kind of.

Like a sneak peak of what was to come. She was taking the rental for a spin, revving the engine so it didn't get rusty. Though whatever unspeakable and arcane magic the Powers That Be and their toddler overlord were using to fix her up made the experience a little unnerving. Her muscles weren't suffering from atrophy, sure, and she didn't need to use the bathroom. But she also couldn't really eat or drink anything.

She couldn't even inhale the cigarette smoke she was puffing. It stopped somewhere down her throat and shot back up. Which really begged the question of why she hadn't put it out yet because nicotine tasted real nasty.

Maybe because it was something she could _taste_. The same reason she'd sat in that cramped-ass, too small tub and washed herself until she shined—she could feel it. She could finally feel it!

She blinked, and the feeling of lid meeting lid wasn't that different from what she felt as a spirit.

Except it was somehow _heavier_. More real. All the sensations of her aura were just her imagination, according to Botan. Something her subconscious rigged up because it just _expected_ these things to happen. Like breathing or needing to move her mouth to talk.

Yusuke had gotten _that_ lecture when she asked why she couldn't see through her own eyelids since she could sometimes see through her hands. Apparently she totally _could_ do that if she wasn't so used to _not_ being able to do that. The fact that she could sometimes see through her hands was more a testament to what she expected of a spirit than any real quality spirits had.

It was mind bending stuff, really. Those wandering spirits the ferry girl had worried she'd become like were apparently pretty fucking creepy—the more they forgot what living in a body was like, the less human they actually looked.

A chill slipped down her spine. _Freaky_.

Before she'd been stuffed back in the meat puppet, Botan had suggested she merely lounge around the house for the twenty-four hours she had it.

To which Yusuke thought only three things: _fuck,_ _that,_ and _noise_.

She flashed the big, bulky staff member in the dark glasses a smile and made her way along the rows of brilliant, neon machines. She had a few favorites but she checked the odds on the open ones anyway, just to be thorough. Pachinko was serious business, after all.

She finally picked a spot and settled into the seat. She fed a couple bills in and was rewarded with a few shining balls. She flexed her hands. It had been awhile, but they felt limber and ready. (Never mind that she remembered one bending backwards, fingers snapping between her body and unforgiving metal.)

She started it up, eyes on the prize. She let her consciousness drift, focused on the balls and numbers but also not really focused on anything. She'd told Keiko it was a lot like meditation and gotten a smack on the arm for it, but she hadn't been lying. There was something so calming about the simple task of putting a ball in a hole and leaving the rest up to fate.

Though if anyone other than Keiko ever heard that she was _meditating_ at a pachinko machine, she'd have to commit seppuku. There was no revivification that could absolve her of _that_ injury.

It was pretty taboo to bother someone while they were playing, but she wasn't going to hold it against the old man. In the corner of her eye, she could see him staring. Looking at her with astonishment, he scratched his chin as if he was trying to remember when he had last seen her. He was an old salaryman, one she assumed lived in the parlor because he was there no matter _what_ time of day she showed up.

"Say, where you been, sis? Been a while!" He whispered just soft enough that only she could hear above the chirping machines.

"A whole 'nother world, man," Yusuke assured him, maintaining her pachinko face. The cigarette clenched between her teeth wobbled with the words.

He turned back to his game, apparently satisfied with her answer or else feeling uncomfortable breaking the invisible bubble surrounding each machine.

A warm, fuzzy glow burned in her chest as she twisted the knob with an expert wrist. The old guys had missed her after all. She'd been so focused on everyone who would be glad she was dead she hadn't thought about all the people who would be wondering where she'd gone.

The arcade staff, the pachinko regulars, the shopkeeper who let her buy back issues of Jump off him.

She was really getting mushy about all of it. She discovered all those lives she brushed up against while she was tearing through town. Maybe the big ones were her mom and Keiko. And maybe Kuwabara was worming his way up the list. But all those people who looked at her and _saw her_ , noticed enough that the air was a little emptier when she wasn't there; those were just beginning to gain something in her eyes.

Heh, maybe death was good for her, if she was getting a more observant.

After a few good turns, she decided to collect her winnings and get in an arcade crawl before night fell.

One of the staff members (slightly less burly than the one at the door) came over to pull out her box and she followed him to the exchange. When she got her tokens she immediately exchanged them for miscellaneous, ridiculous prizes: a cheap pair of shades to go with her goofy cat beanie, an air filter mask with a couple of hearts on it, some toys, and a couple of volumes of manga.

She didn't have the time to blow the money she'd won—she only had twenty four hours, after all. Finding a shop to exchange the winnings for real cash would be too laborious, anyway.

She'd knocked out a couple hours and she was looking forward to making sure her score on the racing game at the arcade was still the top one.

Yusuke couldn't remember the last time she'd been so…happy wasn't exactly right. She wasn't alive yet, she couldn't talk to her mom or Keiko. Content? Excited?

One of those positive emotions at least. Things were looking up. Hell, she even had a _spring_ in her step, like a fucking cartoon.

She rounded the corner.

And promptly dove back behind the wall, praying that she hadn't been seen.

Kuwabara! And his cronies! And Keiko's shadows!

Oh man, it was just her luck. Keiko was probably about to come out of somewhere, spot her, and then faint spectacularly into her muscular waiting arms, shirt riding up to reveal pale flesh and hair falling improbably out of hair bands—

Okay, maybe not. But there might be fainting involved.

Yusuke risked a little peek.

The girls were pressed together. They looked shaken up. The boys, for their part, looked like they had _got_ shaken up. She hadn't seen them look that bad, _ever_ , even when they tried to help Kuwabara win a fight.

There was just something about that big bleached baby that made him extremely punchable. Like a pain magnet.

"H-he's got a really big forehead," the pigtailed chick was saying, "like, really, really big, like…" Her hands came up as though to emphasize the vastness of this head. They were trembling. The bespectacled one laid a calming hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah that sounds like Daisuke," Kuwabara was saying. "He's been stirring up all kinds of trouble since he moved to the next school over."

Schools again. She'd run into two punks who thought they could rough her up for some cash. She'd thought it was a one-off thing, two dumbasses playing tough, but if school _s_ really were getting involved, maybe something was going down.

Man, why did all the fun stuff happen _after_ she got hit by a car. She pouted.

Natsuko (Yusuke _thought_ it was Natsuko.) informed him solemnly, "They took Keiko with them."

Her heart stopped.

 _Keiko_.

Those _fuckers_ had _Keiko_.

She'd murder them. She'd _rip their hearts out and eat them_.

Kuwabara was saying something, but all Yusuke caught was "Hangoroshi Bar". She pushed off the wall and pelted back the way she'd came.

Shit, fuck, _fuck._

Blood was rushing in her ears. That place was a shithole. Keiko was solid steel but she _hated_ places like that.

If she had so much as a stain on her uniform…

Yusuke dug through the bag as she ran, forcing pedestrians to jump out of her way and ignoring those who cried foul at her back.

She pulled the air filter and glasses out of the bag and tossed what was left of the bag at some random kid who would probably be enthused with her hard-won manga and toys.

Those rat-faced shit-eating motherfucking _cocks_ were in for the wrath of the undead.

 _Urameshiya_.

—

 _Yusuke,_ Keiko thought, pleaded, for what must've been the hundredth time. Was she watching now, impotent and screaming, desperately swinging at people she couldn't touch?

Or was she off in some other world facing incredible trials to get back to their world? To her?

Keiko sniffed surreptitiously, eyeing the partying delinquents with ill-disguised fury.

If Yusuke were here she would save her. Keiko bit back angry tears, refusing to show him any weakness.

 _Yusuke, where are you?_

She shouldn't have to rely on Yusuke for something like this. She'd made her choice. She'd used the resources available and gotten the conclusion that came with the least pain. Her friends were safe and they would call for help. She would be here, at most, a few hours.

She just had to endure until then.

Her balled fists must've attracted their attention because a few of the boys and Dai himself were ambling towards her.

"Let's pull up her skirt," Dai pronounced with a nod.

 _What._

She bolted off the couch, eyes flying wildly from delinquent to delinquent. A few called out encouragement, some just whistled loudly.

"Unless you want to do it yourself?" He asked as though that were a _fucking option_.

"You come any closer and I'll scream," she threatened, backing towards the wall as they advanced on her. She tried to go over her options. Even if she could fight off one or two, there was no way she'd make it out of the building.

She'd fight anyway. The situation was simply not ideal. She took a few steadying breaths. No need to lose her cool.

"Nobody'll hear you," one of them said. Her blood ran cold. They…they really were going to…

NO.

Dai reached for her, saying something, and she caught his face with the palm of her hand, angling her fingers so the nails tore into the skin. It was a disgusting feeling and she nearly vomited seeing blood on her assailant's face. But this was a fight. Blood happened.

He stumbled back. One of the others took a backhand strike to the nose and blood spurted. Her hand ached more than it ever had hitting Yusuke.

Now startled and angered, Dai swung a fist at her. She ducked enough that it only clipped her temple. Still, it rattled her and she careened to the floor. For a moment, everything was black and sound faded out.

There was a loud pounding in her head.

No, wait. The pounding was at the door.

She heard "…who the hell is it…" like it was coming from across the hall in the school. She focused her energy on prying her eyes open, to get a feel for the situation and divine a way to escape.

"Did you come to join the party, girlie?"

"What the hell did you do to Keiko."

It wasn't a question. It was more like a demand. An iced lance through the air that struck Keiko through the heart. She knew that voice. God she _knew that voice_. That tone of command that said _fall in line_ or _fall to your knees_. She shuddered.

"We just wanted to play around a little, but she was roughhousing so we got brutish." He sounded so smug, like he thought he was so smart.

"So you _hit_ her and knocked her out," Yusuke (who else could it be it was Yusuke, Yusuke, Yusuke, her heart sang) assessed. "Guess I don't need the sunglasses and mask after all."

Sunglasses? Mask? Was she wearing a disguise? Why?

Then Keiko remember that Yusuke was supposed to be _dead_.

"So I gotta ask: which one of you woke up this morning with a pressing desire to lay under a tombstone?"

"Hey!" A new voice shouted. "You're that bitch from this morning!"

She opened her eyes and pushed up enough to see one of them run at a tall girl. Then, it appeared that he just ran straight into her fist, spun like a top, and hit the floor.

Her lips were lined in purple and her eyes were surrounded by smoky shadow. Silky black hair was tied in two high buns. She wore a _red_ plaid dress and color block tights. It didn't _look_ like Yusuke, Keiko knew, but it _was._ Yusuke was dead and Yusuke was here in the flesh.

It was so ridiculous, but Keiko would know Yusuke no matter what she dressed like, or how she wore her makeup or her hair. There was something in Yusuke's stance, in her face, in those beautiful brown eyes that could only ever be _Yusuke_.

Those eyes had something like joy in them. No, not joy. There was rage and it was coiled around _satisfaction_. She was sating her bloodlust. Getting her vengeance. Like some _godforsaken_ angel Yusuke had answered her prayers and come to rescue her.

He was scrambling, holding a hand to his bloody nose, trying to get up and away, maybe. Yusuke's arm shot out and caught his collar and she _hauled_ him up, muscles taut. With an ease belied by her willowy appearance, she cocked her other fist back and slammed it into his gut. The blood from the nosebleed splattered her arm.

At least, Keiko thought it was from the nosebleed. She watched Yusuke drive a knee into his stomach as well and the man bent double over her leg. She hammered her fist down on his back and sent him sprawling.

Yusuke slammed her sneaker into the downed boy's spine, causing a rather pained screech. She ground her heel in, eyeing each of the gang in turn.

"Who's next? Or are you all gonna come at once? I'd recommend that."

The other guys looked less confident than they had been a moment ago.

One screamed: "Don't look down on us!"

Dai was quick to take up the call, "Pull that bitch down!"

The first dove for her and she spun on her heel, grabbing him in a headlock and squeezing. Another tried to jump on her back but she bent and kicked him so hard he hit the ground gripping his gut.

She dropped headlock guy, spun around, and delivered a roundhouse kick that knocked him into the next guy. She followed the momentum, bringing up her fists and knocking aside any blow in her way.

They tried to guard themselves, sometimes, and sometimes they just charged. Neither approach was particularly effective. Yusuke was a snake, weaving through their limbs and delivering crushing hits. She dropped under a fist, leg shooting out to trip someone at the same time she punched the man in the shin.

She rolled and came up in a mule kick that downed another opponent.

There was a loud crack as someone broke a bottle over her head and Keiko's mouth went dry.

 _Yusuke_!

Yusuke was…

Yusuke was _fine_?

She stopped dead, holding two boys heads under her arms. She looked over her shoulder and Keiko could only just see the icy fury in those eyes.

She licked at the liquid now slicked down her face.

She dropped one of the men and threw a haymaker at the bottle-bearer.

"Don't waste expensive wine!"

It was so utterly Yusuke that Keiko had to stop herself from laughing, remind herself that she was playing dead. For some reason, Yusuke didn't want her to know she was here.

"No way…"

"Yusuke Urameshi."

They said it like a prayer. Or an oath.

"It can't be, can it? She's dead, she's fucking _dead_."

"What other chick fights like that?"

Some were backing away, edging toward the door. If a ghost was here to wreck vengeance than they wanted no part in it.

"I don't give a shit, whoever you are," Dai said, "Urameshi or not. A girl walks in here like she owns the place? I'm gonna teach you something, bitch."

He cracked his knuckles.

Yusuke snorted. "And here I thought Kuwabara was the only one dumb enough to attack me. In my hometown where everyone knows my name?"

It was undoubtedly her.

"You new?", she asked, and though Keiko couldn't see it she could hear the sweet smile in her voice as she continued. "You're kind of stupid aren't you?"

"Shut up and come on!"

"Sure."

Keiko only saw the shock on Dai's face as Yusuke sprung forward on legs like coiled springs. She…headbutted? Dai and threw two quick punches. There was little windup, just delivery, but the effect suggested she had put most of her strength into those blows.

Dai hit the ground, face a bloodied mess.

"IT IS HER!" Someone screamed.

"It's a ghost! It's here!"

People began streaming out of the bar, running for their lives.

When Yusuke mewled " _urameshiya_ ~" like a kitten, Keiko felt weak with relief.

What a stupid pun.

She sat up, ready to tell her off for it, when she remembered that Yusuke _didn't want her to know she was here._

Yusuke spun around, a look of intense fear on her painted face.

Keiko was frozen; Yusuke was frozen.

Then Keiko caught up with the situation and leapt to her feet, sweeping a jacket from the ground and rushing towards a pile of burning trash. Probably someone with a cigarette.

"I've got to put it out!" She cried. Yusuke, for whatever reason, didn't want her to know that she was here. Yusuke was either not allowed or not able to talk to Keiko and that was fine. Yusuke had _come._ Against all odds, against _death itself_ , Yusuke had found her and saved her.

The least Keiko could do was _trust_ Yusuke. Wholeheartedly.

When the fire was out, she lay the jacket down and promptly pretended to collapse.

"I think my heart stopped," Yusuke whispered weakly.

She felt strong arms curl under her, sitting her up and maneuvering her arms so they were over her shoulders. Her hands gripped Keiko's thighs and she was suddenly lifted off the ground. A piggyback ride.

How nostalgic.

Yusuke emerged into the sunlight, a smile on her face. She'd brought the hurt and gotten her girl back. All was right with the world.

Well, not _her_ girl. Her friend. Her girl friend. Friend who was a girl.

Having Keiko on her back was really not helping this situation.

She paused at the last step when a flash of bleached orange caught her eye. Kuwabara was standing in the alleyway, seemingly gathering his courage.

"Man, you are so late!" She laughed, a bubble of happiness buoyed up by the sound. It had been so long since she'd talked to someone that wasn't a spirit.

Kuwabara wasn't on the list after all.

It took a while to convince Kuwabara that, yes, she was Urameshi, no, she wasn't a zombie, and yes, she was still dead. It probably took longer because Yusuke herself wasn't quite sure how this whole temporary resurrection thing worked.

Then, because the sun was fading quickly, they began to head back to her home.

"There's some stupid rule that I can't communicate with my loved ones," Yusuke complained, "so I can't even talk to Keiko or mom until I'm back for good. So she can't know that I saved her."

"You want me to take the credit," Kuwabara guessed. He looked like he swallowed a lemon. "If you talk to her, you wouldn't be able to come back?"

"Yeah." At least, that was probably how it worked.

"I guess that's okay then." He consented grudgingly.

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Yusuke spoke up again.

"I'd appreciate it if you," Yusuke paused. "I mean—it could be a while before I'm back for good, and I can't really do much as a ghost and I just, I need—"

Kuwabara cut her off with a steady hand on her shoulder.

"I'll watch over her for you," he said. His eyes seemed to be looking straight through, right to her soul. Yusuke was strangely reminded that she was merely a spirit possessing a body, rather than a fully living person. Botan had said Kuwabara was spiritually sensitive. Could he tell? But then again, it wasn't like he'd noticed Botan and Yusuke stalking him for a week.

She was just freaking for no reason. She shifted Keiko's weight on her back to a better position.

"She's not helpless," Yusuke defended gruffly.

Kuwabara nodded seriously. "If she needs me, though…"

He let it trail off, but she got the point. Kuwabara was offering to take up Yusuke's banner and protect Keiko in her place. It was a heavy offer—not only because it was Keiko's safety they were talking about but because it was _Yusuke's_ job. It wasn't that Keiko never asked for help. that was entirely Yusuke's bit.

Yusuke felt blood rising to her cheeks. She refused to look at him when she nodded her approval.

"Thanks, man," she croaked.

"Hey, what're friends for?" He said, elbowing her. Then, he froze, a wary look in his eyes as he waited for her response.

"Yeah, I guess," Yusuke mumbled. As if she knew that. Like she'd ever had friends. Stuck by the need to reciprocate, Yusuke tried: "When I'm back, if you ever, I mean, if you need…"

"I'm not helpless," Kuwabara echoed her with a laugh. He patted the part of her arm not covered by Keiko.

"Sure, Urameshi."

Yusuke felt like she didn't really understand what had happened, but they walked back to her house with only idle conversation. Most of the questions had been wasted in that frantic outpouring. Yusuke found out that Kuwabara had a father who worked really odd hours doing god knows what—Yusuke, of course, reciprocated with stories of her mothers exploits. From there, it devolved into who had the most embarrassing family story.

Kuwabara took the prize, but only slightly. He had the advantage with more family members to draw on, including a grandfather who lived in Tokyo who was apparently a total coot.

He liked Megallica, Yusuke hadn't even heard of them. He promised to loan her his albums (on pain of death if they were not returned promptly). She liked MMA, he extolled the values of wrestling, and they vowed to convert the other

Was this what it was like to have friends? Just, talking about the things they liked? Promising to do things together? Teasing each other, trading friendly blows when they didn't think it would disturb Keiko.

It was…not awful.

Huh.

They'd reached her house all too quickly. Kuwabara helped her set Keiko up in a futon on the living room floor and wrote a note taking credit for her rescue. Yusuke showed him the kitchen and offered him a soda. He very politely didn't mention all the garbage lying around everywhere.

Kuwabara was a much better guy than she'd initially thought. He was still an idiot, though.

"So," he started, keeping his voice low, "you're gonna just…pop out of your body in a few hours?"

She nodded. "Don't ask me for specifics, I barely understand it, but apparently my spirit is the gluey bit that holds my soul to my body and my glue's kinda drying out from being exposed for so long."

Kuwabara nodded thoughtfully, eyebrows furrowed in that confused expression she'd seen when he was studying for his test. It startled a snort out of her.

He blinked, but she waved him off.

"Well, I'd better go pretend to be comatose until I actually become comatose."

He shook his head. "This is so freaky, Urameshi."

She huffed. "You're telling me?"

He let himself out when she went to her room to change into her pajamas again. She heard the click of the lock sliding into place. Apparently, her mother still kept a spare key on the door frame. She smiled to herself.

Then she lay back in her futon, closed her eyes.

And dreamed for the first time in weeks.

 **[urameshiya is the wail a ghost makes-it says "a curse on you". yusuke's name is an awful pun and she abuses it liberally.**

 **sorry for the delay, but alas, college. looking through my old notes to try to get back on track was a** ** _ride_** **. here's a hint. my notes for the dark tournament are as follows: dark stuff happens.]**

 **As an apology for being missing so long, some noncanon Hiei/Yusuke.  
BONUS TRACK: **

"You're brutal, man!" She protested.

Hiei just snorted, yanking at the bandage even harder, much harder than necessary (in her opinion). When he had offered to help her clean and cover the cuts she'd gotten in their sparring session, she hadn't realized it was a _ploy_ to cause more bodily harm.

He added a few more circulation-cutting rolls to the wrap.

She hissed. He smirked. "Don't be such an infant, detective."

"Don't be such a sadist, three-eyes!"

Hiei just poked her. Right above the cut.

"Ouch!" It was hard to retaliate when he was sitting so close, but she managed to nail him in the side with a knee jerk.

He, of course, responded with a shove, and the situation quickly devolved into a wrestling match. By the time they'd rolled to the stop at the base of a tree, he had one hand tangled in her hair and she had a joint lock and they were both laughing like morons because, fuck, really? They were the winners of the Dark Tournament, the strongest fighters in the human world and they were rolling around like little kids.

She let go of him to better shake with laughter. His grip loosened, but his hand didn't leave her hair.

With his free hand, he finished tying off the bandage on her injured arm. Then, his hand slid down to her own, turning it so he could examine the bruised knuckles. She marveled at how unique Hiei's body type was. Just, there were little things. His hand was shorter than hers, but much thicker, with roughened palms and thick hair. His nails weren't long, but they still came to a point.

She wondered if these were actually _fur_ and _claws_ , and she was reminded that this man was not human. A demon man who had once threatened her, threatened _Keiko_ , but had redeemed himself in his roundabout, ridiculous way with his stupid, convoluted honor code.

He was almost as bad as Kuwabara, really.

He pissed her off, but she loved it. They were friends in the oddest way. Her relationships with each of the members of Team Urameshi were all so different. They fit together in different ways, but they fit together all the same.

She gave him a goofy smile, and he smirked back like he knew what she was thinking.

Hell, he probably did. Stupid mind reader.

He tangled his fingers with hers, and she remembered that his other hand was still in her hair. She should have tensed, really, because Hiei might not kill her but he could still be an _ass_ and he could very well injure her.

But she was sun-warm and his body was always a _furnace_ , so weirdly inverted from his ice-born blood, and she was just too relaxed to work up the energy.

He moved, slowly, like he was advancing on a frightened beast. Like he wanted to make sure she could see what he was doing.

He brought her injured hand, still tangled with his, up between them and leaned forward to press his lips against the bruises. She blinked, startled.

That wasn't what she'd been expecting. Hiei was so hard to understand sometimes. And yet, no matter how much he played "Mr. Mysterious", she usually knew _exactly_ what he was doing, because there was something, well, intuitive here. If she'd been born a demon, she wondered if they would have been friends.

Or if they would have killed each other.

Hiei seemed to be waiting for a reaction, red (inhuman) eyes staring up into her own brown ones. She raised an eyebrow, like, _what am I supposed to do when you've got my hair in a death grip?_ He snickered.

Yeah she knew he was reading her mind, the freak.

He pushed up onto his knees and kissed her. He didn't kiss like she'd have expected, had she expected to be kissed by Hiei. It wasn't rough or insistent or frantic. It was soft, like he expected to be pushed away at any moment. Like he was testing the border between them, seeing how far she would let him push through it.

He was _gentle_ and it was so weird but it was also kinda right too because, she's reminded, he's a _big brother_ and he watched over his little sister for _years_ and nearly went _crazy_ trying to find her. He hadn't _had_ to try so hard in the tournament—the only one with a guillotine hanging over everything she loved was _her_ but she'd been relying on them.

She knew when she put her trust in Hiei, he always followed through. That was the kind of guy he was. He didn't coddle her, didn't do anything more than she needed, because he also respected her: as a fighter, as a person, as a _comrade_.

He smiled against her mouth, where she couldn't _see_ it but she could feel it.

She knew he was reading her mind.

 _Dumbass._

She kissed him back.


	11. smother

"…I'm a foolish, fragile spine, I want all that is not mine…"

 **From The Ashes**

 _ten, smother by daughter_

 **V**

"It's Christmas-time~!" Botan sang giddily, flying through the morning air. Yusuke clung loosely to her, watching the people bustling below them.

"Christmas, huh?"

It was her first Christmas without her mother and Keiko there. They didn't celebrate it all that much, she and Atsuko, just a "merry Christmas" here and there. They didn't have the money to waste on gifts. Keiko, in that vein, didn't buy them anything or expect anything in return. Still, she'd always offered them a free meal at her parent's place.

It was her way of contributing to the holiday cheer. Charity, probably. Yusuke snorted.

"Yusuke," Botan pouted, "that dour attitude is ruining my enjoyment of this lovely atmosphere!"

"Are you even Christian?" Yusuke asked incredulously.

Religion was a weird topic when one had evidence of the afterlife. From what she'd seen, it was exactly what Japanese seniors expected: the roads of Yomi and the Sanzu River with King Enma presiding over all of it. There were multiple gods in Shinto, though. Yusuke wondered if they all existed or if some weren't the product of overactive human imagination.

"Hmph," Botan huffed. "I am beholden to Prince Koenma. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy the mood. The giving nature! The good cheer! This aura of positivity must even be nurturing your egg!"

Yusuke palmed the golden orb through her skirt. "You think?"

Now that she was focusing, she _could_ feel something. It was like smoke, hanging in the air around them. Not like a bonfire or incense—more like fresh-baked bread. A scent that drew one in. She couldn't help but smile at it.

Botan grinned at her.

Yusuke glared back.

Then, Botan suddenly dipped a bit in the air, as if pressed down by a headwind.

"Wha-?" Yusuke began to ask, but stopped as she felt it. The heaviness pressing into her chest was unlike anything she'd ever felt. It squeezed up from her throat, choking her.

It was tears. Yusuke felt like she was going to cry.

No, that was stupid. Yusuke wasn't going to cry. It was the air that felt like that.

"Oh dear," Botan whispered. "This doesn't click with the rest of the festival."

"There's always one odd-man out."

"I understand your reasoning, Yusuke, but this is supernatural in origin." Botan was searching the crowds more closely now. Yusuke futilely glanced around but saw nothing but happy faces. The pressure seemed to come from every direction.

"Like a curse or something?"

"No, no, I don't think so… There! Over there!"

She shot forward on her oar, angling for whatever she had seen. As they approached, Yusuke realized the target was a young, mousy looking girl. She wore a big sweater over a collared blouse and a long skirt that was just a few years out of date. With her hair curling around her shoulders and her bangs falling just shy of her eyes, she had a closed-off look about her.

Well, maybe just a "proper" air, Yusuke second-guessed herself. She had soft, sad eyes. She was also just as see-through as the dead schoolgirl herself. The bench she sat at was as visible at it would have been had she not existed at all.

How was she sitting there, Yusuke wondered? Some trick Botan hadn't taught her, or some power that came from age? They'd gone over how spirits gained power with exposure to other sources, especially when the spirit was without its body.

"God, she's so depressed," Yusuke said.

"A lost soul longing for something she cannot have again," Botan diagnosed. "It's my job, _our_ job now, to raise such souls. But this pressure is so much!" She gave Yusuke an unsure look. "It might not be easy. She's earth-bound, chained to a place with a lot of meaning for her."

"So, like a haunting?"

"A bit like one, though hauntings are usually malicious. She doesn't strike me as that sort."

Yeah, Yusuke was getting that too. She was staring at the ground, ignoring the crowds shoving around her and, in some cases, through her. She was an old hat at this spirit thing, apparently. That had scared the shit out of Yusuke the first few (dozen) times.

"So is chained like, literal? She can't leave at all?" Yusuke glanced at Botan, only to find that the ferry girl was swiftly floating down to the bench girl. Why on earth she'd been expected Spirit World's Number One to share any more information was beyond Yusuke. What, no plan? _Botan_? Nah, never.

Not that Yusuke had any room to talk.

Still: "Botan, what the fuck."

Yusuke joined her sort-of mentor at the girl's side, hovering over the back of the bench. Botan, true to form, was smiling like a loon and giving her the best kitten impression she had.

"I'm an escorter of souls, ferry girl Botan, at your service~!"

"Botan, read the mood please," Yusuke hissed. Did she always give the dead that happy go-lucky attitude? Oh, don't worry if you're dead, I'm _super nice_!

"Oh." The girl looked up at Botan through her bangs. Her eyes were wet with emotion, though Yusuke would be hard-pressed to say just what. "Hello…"

"Good morning!" Botan said cheerily.

"Uhm," the girl looked back to the ground and her fingers twisted together in her lap. "There's already been two or three people who've come to talk to me. I… _appreciate_ it"—appreciate was maybe not the word she wanted, judging by her tone—"but I'm waiting for someone and I don't want to leave yet. Sorry."

Oh. _Oh._ Ooooh.

Botan seemed shocked. "W- waiting for someone?"

"It's mostly wishful on my fault," the girl denied. She blushed prettily. "But _maybe…_ "

"So you're waiting for _some_ one, huh?" Yusuke grinned salaciously, extending a pinky to the girl.

"Yusuke, please!"

The girl was blushing harder, though. "His name is Kenji."

She seemed like the type to praise her lover. How cute.

"We had a… a _date,_ " she practically choked on the word, turning red as the lights on the Christmas tree in the center of the square. She paused, face falling. "We were going to meet here at noon, then go window-shopping. However, I- I became ill. I wanted to contact him. But then I…"

 _Died_ , Yusuke finished the thought for her. How sick did someone have to get to be unable to contact someone? Had she lived alone, unable to even reach the phone, to call for help? It was horrible to imagine, someone burning up and feverishly calling for anyone—or maybe for this Kenji guy. How often had she thought of him as she lay dying?

"And your longings drew you here," Botan prompted.

"Yes, I suspect so," she muttered. "I was so afraid he'd think I stood him up. I wanted to apologize. I've waited here since last Christmas, hoping for my chance. Just, just for tonight. Just a little longer."

"That is…," Botan began but didn't finish. She looked helplessly to Yusuke.

 _This is your job, lady_ , she thought, but said anyway, "He probably already found out what happened. There's no point to sitting here."

"Yes, I know," she smiled. It was a little lost but happy nonetheless. Yusuke felt her heart soften in return. "I like to think here. I like watching the people go by, though. So many young couples on dates—their faces are beautiful. They're all so full of love and life."

God, she was like a _hallmark_ card. Yusuke was gonna start braiding flowers if she sat here much longer. Though, she wasn't as light and fluffy as she advertised. That pressing spiritual power had lessened as they talked but it was still in the air, clinging like smog to Yusuke's lungs.

"And I was hoping that, if I waited, I'd see him again," she breathed, almost too quiet to be heard. "God would perhaps grant me one last wish."

"Is that possible?" Yusuke whispered in Botan's ear.

"It's not really Jesus's jurisdiction," she hemmed.

Holy shit, Jesus was a real guy? Well, obviously, she knew that he was real at some point. But he was like, a god or something?

Yusuke resolved to get some answers on the metaphysical front later.

For now, a little waiting wouldn't hurt too much.

"Hey," she addressed the girl. "I'm Urameshi Yusuke. You mind if I wait with you?"

Her smile spread like the light of dawn, slowly but surely. "I'm Tachibana Kyouko. I'd be honored if you waited with me, Miss Urameshi."

"Bah, call me Yusuke," she corrected, flopping down to float next to her. If she concentrated, she could even feel the padding in her shoulder pressing through her own blouse. "You're probably older than me."

"Oh, you died young too," Kyouko brought a hand to her lips. "I'm so sorry."

"Nah, it's not such a big deal," Yusuke denied. She didn't want to let her know that she was up for resurrection—talk about rubbing salt in a wound. Though Kyouko didn't seem like the type to hold a grudge. Not from the way she blushed and shifted away from the contact between them.

They sat there, chatting about their former lives, one eye on the clock as it ticked down to noon, when they had agreed to meet. Kyouko didn't have any family, it seemed, and had never known them, either. She'd been fostered for a time but when she was in high school she moved away on her own. Though it had been her undoing, she didn't regret it.

"The independence was good for me," Kyouko assessed. "I came out of my shell. I finally met a boy I liked and was invited on a date! I'd never change it, even if I could."

The tale of Yusuke's own delinquency and death by impact with a car was received with horror that perhaps was overemphasized. Yusuke saw excitement and interest in the corner of her eyes and the upward tick of her mouth. For all her demeanor, Kyouko was a wild child at heart, she decided.

"That's such a noble way to die. I almost wish I'd had a better death, hearing that," she said, then immediately pressed her hands together in apology. "I'm sorry. That was thoughtless; it must have been scary. I can't imagine how much it hurt."

"It didn't really," Yusuke recalled. "I remember the impact but there wasn't any pain. Like, I felt it but I didn't feel it, I guess."

"Hm," Botan hummed. They hadn't really talked about her death since, well, her death. This was probably news to her; or, at least it was different to hear it from Yusuke herself rather than reading it in her little gray book.

"Miss Kyouko, if your wish is fulfilled, you have to leave, okay?" Botan begged. "It isn't healthy to be stuck in one place or even to be without guide."

Kyouko didn't respond, staring at her fingers instead.

The clock ticked.

Noon came and went with nothing remarkable occurring. Kyouko didn't make any move to leave and, with a few false starts from Botan, neither did they.

"It's one-thirty," Yusuke observed. "I don't think this guy is coming, Kyouko."

"He's always this late," she replied. "Sometimes, he's an hour late or more."

"What!" Yusuke sat up suddenly. Waiting for hours for some _guy_ to show up was unconscionable.

Kyouko giggled.

"I kind of like the way he runs towards me when he's late, looking a little afraid that I'm angry. Assuaging his worries is nice."

"I don't understand at all?" Yusuke was stressed. "I'd break a bone for every minute after!"

Botan gave Yusuke a bop on the head that the girl just waved off. As if Botan would be any more lenient. Woman packed a wallop.

Every hour after that was increasingly nerve wracking. Kyouko just smiled, though. She honestly waited this long for that guy before, she said. Yusuke was flabbergasted.

"His hair better be made of gold," she muttered, glaring at the clock. 1:45.

"Oh my god," Kyouko shuddered. She was staring, wide-eyed, at the station as commuters poured out. Only one was obviously walking towards them—a teenager with short black hair and a blazer over street clothes.

"Kenji…"

"No fucking way," Yusuke whispered, elated. Botan grabbed her hands. "Oh, the gods really did!"

The man looked around, scanning the crowd. Then, miracle on miracles, he made a beeline right for the bench. Like he could see Kyouko.

"Hey," he huffed, out of breath, "Sorry I'm late."

"No," Kyouko started, "Kenji, I… I just—"

"So slow!" A sing-song voice came from behind them. A woman leaned over the back of the bench, putting an arm right through Yusuke's head. The schoolgirl jerked out of the way. Gross.

"I was waiting for thirty minutes, you jerk, I was ready to leave," she continued.

Kenji paused, glancing right at Kyouko. "Huh."

Yusuke's rising hopes were dashed once more when he shrugged, "That reminded me of something."

"Hm?"

"Yeah, she was totally fine no matter how late I was," he laughed. "I had this bet with my friends that she'd wait five hours for me to show last Christmas! Sucks because it was the only day she _didn't_ wait. I lost, like, ten thousand yen."

"You got played," the girl laughed. "What happened to her?"

"Dunno, why keep up with someone like _that_? I've got a new girl like that, anyway."

He didn't flinch at all when Yusuke put her fist through his head. That didn't stop her from trying.

"Botan?" She said, deathly calm. "Teach how me how to fuck him up."

"I can't do that," Botan huffed, though her eyebrows twitched angrily.

Kyouko buried her face in her hands. "If I had… If I had been well that Christmas, I definitely would have waited that long. I'm such… I'm so…"

Quiet sobs followed Yusuke as she ran after the pair.

"Kick his ass, bitch! He's probably two-timing you, too," Yusuke shouted after the woman he was leaving with. "You ain't special!"

They just climbed down into the subway.

Yusuke felt anger bubbling up in her chest. If someone had done that to her—no, to Keiko—no, to _Kyouko._ She would have knocked him flat. Keiko wouldn't be stood up by some slick son-of-a-bitch, she was prime material. People were honored to be in her _presence_.

"That stupid MOTHERFUCKER!" Yusuke screamed.

She spun on her heel and grabbed Kyouko's hands. She was so startled she stopped crying, staring into Yusuke's intense eyes with trepidation.

"Listen: forget about him! There is absolutely no point in crying over that heartless dumbass. He wasn't good enough for you and he never will be!"

"But, but just, just like that?"

" _Listen!_ Sitting here is stupid! Nothing good will happen!" She yanked on Kyouko's hands. There was that weight, that pressure, but it was nothing in the face of her righteous fury. "Girls have fun at times like this! Let's get loose!"

She dragged Kyouko with her into the air.

"But where are we going?"

"Yusuke!" Botan called after her. "You're breaking the rules!"

Yusuke twirled Kyouko over the star on the tree, spinning her and bringing her flush to her chest. "Look, look, look at all those people! All those people you watched for so long!"

Kyouko looked down at the square with wide eyes.

"Those people, those people aren't nearly as lucky as you are. They're stuck down there, we're floating up here. How many people can say they danced on a star?"

Tears were gathering in the corner of her eyes, but the older girl shook her head. "Not many!"

And she led Yusuke through a waltz, laughing when the middle schooler got the steps wrong. Laughing when Yusuke pretended to fall off the tree, only to float up on the other side with a dumb smile.

As the magic faded from the dancing, when it was clear that she was thinking of someone else, Yusuke grabbed Kyouko again and flew off towards the amusement park. They hitched a ride on someone's car, then gallivanted from vehicle to vehicle, running like they were in some anime.

The rollercoasters were scarier outside of the cars—Kyouko showed her how to hang on to the backs ( _you've got to want it more than anything, you've got to remember what it feels like, got to push yourself to do it_ )—and more than once Yusuke let go just to fly off the back, tumbling through the air. Kyouko did it once and they grabbed onto each other, laughing and shrieking.

Yusuke spotted a drive-in theater halfway through the arc of her fall and they were off again. Each activity, Kyouko paused a little less. Looked away a little less. Smiled a little wider. She was thrilled. She led the girl on a wild romp through the city.

There was a lot to miss about being alive. Sensation, gravity, the strength of her body—but there was a lot of fun stuff too involved in being a ghost.

Kyouko clung to her through the action flick, grinning and gasping at all the right parts.

"How are we going to pay?" She asked.

Yusuke laughed. "Are you kidding, it's totally free! Dead girl discount!"

They both giggled on their way out of the theater.

"What should we do next?"

"Oh, Yusuke," Kyouko sighed happily. "I'm so tired. I've never played so hard in my life."

"Yeah," the delinquent agreed. "I can't say I've ever done anything like this."

If they could just have some wine and wind the night down, staring at the stars, it would be the perfect date. Yusuke had never been on a date, of course, but she imagined it was something like this. When she glanced back to Kyouko, the girl was beaming up at the sky.

"Hey, there we go! That's a smile!" Yusuke smiled back. "You're lovely, Kyouko."

The girl blushed and looked at her feet.

"Hey, don't look down," Yusuke said, pulling her chin up. "It's fine."

She had tears shining in her eyes again but the smile was firmly in place.

"My boyfriend never said anything like that to me."

"That's not a boyfriend, Kyouko, that's a jerk."

As the night deepened, they watched the lights of the city come to life.

"You wouldn't have seen this if you'd stayed on that bench."

"No, I wouldn't have."

After a moment, Yusuke smirked.

"Hey, that prick's in one of these buildings. Let him know how you really feel!"

Kyouko smiled at her. Then, she inhaled mightily and cried: "Thank you, Kenji! Goodbye!"

"Whoa, what, call him a two-timing pervert! Crush his ego! Squish him like a bug!"

"I'm really grateful though," Kyouko decided, "because I never would have met you if things didn't work out this way."

Yusuke's mouth snapped shut.

"So, even though the situation is different than what I thought at first, I still think I wouldn't change anything if I could."

Yusuke felt heat rising to her cheeks.

"Can I hug you, Yusuke?" Kyouko asked shyly.

Yusuke didn't speak, just nodded her head.

It was odd, the feeling that someone was touching her again. Botan felt like a balloon full of air, like she wasn't human, just shaped that way. Kyouko, on the other hand, was warm and gentle. She felt like flesh, despite the fact that both girls were nothing but breath and spirit. Yusuke pulled her in tight, hiding her face in her hair.

Ah, how nice to be held by someone.

"Are you ready to go?" A kindly voice asked.

Yusuke jumped away from Kyouko, rubbing her nose so she didn't have to show Botan and Kyouko her face.

"Yusuke, thank you so much for today," her voice reached her over Yusuke's own sniffles.

"D- don't get bullied again, okay?" Yusuke said, her voice creaky with tears. "Be careful!"

"You'll be the first to know if I meet someone, okay, Yusuke! Keep in touch with me!"

"Yeah."

Swallowing her pride, Yusuke looked up to find Botan and Kyouko drifting away.

She waved, and Kyouko waved back.

 _Goodbye_.

 **[time isn't real so here's christmas. there's like three and a half more side stories to get through (which really only set up future stories) and then its the adventures of a not-so-dead girl. thanks for sticking with me]**

 **Extended Edition**

Oh wait. One more thing.

"Time's almost up! Let's check if she's still there! I'm gonna win this time for sure."

Brrring. Brrring. Brrr-click.

 **How dare you play with me.**

"What the hell, who is this?"

 **I'll drag you to hell.**

Bzzz-CLACK.

"Oh my god, the lights, Kenji!"

Flash. flASH.

Fl ASH.

"Wh-wh-what is that!?"

"Junko, if that's you, cut it out, I said I was sorry!"

FLASH.

"Akiko! Hirumi? I know, Kazuki!"

"How may girls are you playing with, you bastard! You've been lying to me!"

"Oh my god, the door!"

Click, clack. Unlock.

 **U ra me shiiiiIIIIII**

A ferry girl, watching the flickering lights in the apartment, was proud despite herself. "That's not very nice, Yusuke."

 _But I'll pretend I didn't see it._


End file.
